And dads can use friends like these, too! But more specifically--look, it can be difficult being a new parent. It's a big adjustment. It can be more difficult to get out. It can seem lonely at times. You have so many questions. And so you need friends! And of course this is true for any parent. It's especially true for parents of Moebius children. So the advice you will see below is valuable for any parent. But it's especially true for Moebius parents--and of course you will want to think specifically about networking with other parents of Moebius children. Thank goodness that Facebook and other social media outlets are so good for that. Read on:
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It’s a lonely journey through play dates, potty training, and
preschool without a mom friend to listen to your complaints. Er, I mean,
your stories. These 10 types of friends comprise an ideal support
network for every mom of small kids.
1. The Mom With a Kid A Year Older Than Your Oldest Kid.
This
demi-goddess knows everything there is to know. She can be counted on
to tell you how to deal with lice, when you’re supposed to start
research summer camps, and which lunchbox works best for kindergarten.
And she even gives your kid hand-me-downs! She would have to be
convicted of first degree murder for you to stop being her friend. I
mean, unless they let her call you from prison to tell you which
gymnastics place is best for birthday parties. Then it would be like,
whatever, she was framed.
2. The Friend With a Kid a Year Younger Than Your Kid.
Wow,
you’re smart and competent. At least you feel that way after talking to
this friend. Can you believe she doesn’t even know which gymnastics
place does the best birthday parties? Thankfully, you’re around to give
her advice, which makes her so grateful that it really bolsters your
self-esteem. (Note: talk to this friend immediately after you talk to
Friend #1.)
3. The Friend Without Kids.
Hey,
you know what you don’t feel like talking about today? People who call
you mom. Ideal time to call your friend without kids! She may politely
inquire about your children for the first few minutes, but you can turn
the conversation to something more interesting by asking what she thinks
about some issue in the newspaper. (Note: to prep for this call, put
your kids in front of the TV for a half hour so you can read a
newspaper).
4. The Mom Whose Kid Your Kid Likes
It’s
easy-peasy to get together with her, because your kids actually get
along. So what if she’s an extreme couponer while you avoid the sale
rack because that stuff is all picked over? So what if you drive a Prius
and are vegan and she drives an SUV to McDonald’s? If your kids ask to
hang out with each other, and get so involved in playing that they don’t
keep asking you for snacks, band-aids, or to play on the iPad, this
woman is your new best friend.
5. The Friend That Your Kids Like Better Than They Like You
Whether
she has kids or not, this veritable Mary Poppins has a gift for making
kids smile and laugh. More power to her. While she plays elaborate
pretend games and actually remembers the words in all the Frozen scenes,
you can hang out on Facebook on your phone. I mean, watch and
participate.
6. The friend whose in-laws are worse than yours
Your
husband asks what you have in common with this friend, and you say,
“Oh, stuff.” Stuff like that she’s the only one whose crazy
mother-in-law stories trump yours. I mean, dropping by unannounced with a
new puppy for the kids even though your friend is allergic to dogs?
What a riot! Unreal! When you catch your breath from laughing, you feel
better about your life. And your MIL seems tolerable in comparison.
7. The friend who knew you from before you were a mom
Remember
that hot guy you hooked up with in college who turned out to be an
actual model? And then he kept calling long after you weren’t interested
anymore? Well, this friend remembers. And she knows just when to bring
that story up. She also knows what you like to drink, and orders it for
you before you even arrive on those rare nights that you can escape the
house after bedtime.
8. The friend who is just really nice
Did
you lose weight? This friend thinks so. She also thinks your kids are
really well behaved. And what a cute outfit! Do you need her to watch
the baby while you go to the bathroom? It is likely you were originally
intimidated by this woman when you first met her, because she was so
well put together and confident. And then she turned out to be nice,
too. Isn’t that always the way it goes.
9. The friend who is not that nice
This
friend always has hilarious stories about the mom at playgroup who was
sanctimonious and rude. She doesn’t sugarcoat her own opinions either,
and she openly complains about her kids. She makes you feel like Mother
Teresa, and she’s also a lot of fun to spend time with. (Note: She’s a
good friend to spend time with after you hang out with Friend #8. Then
you won’t feel like you’re secretly the most negative and self-centered
person in the world.)
10. The friend who just gets it
This
friend, whether she’s been in your exact situation herself, makes you
feel understood. She gets your jokes and is always there when you need
her (even if it’s just via text, since, let’s face it, she’s as busy as
you are). If you met her earlier in life, you would call her your best
friend, but if it’s later, you just call her your close friend. Either
way, she is always in your corner.
If you’re not lucky enough to
have all of these types of friends already, send this article to someone
you want to woo as a potential mom friend. (But don’t use the word
“woo” anywhere in your email or else you’re #11, the Weird Friend.) And
remember, a stranger mom is just a mom friend that you haven’t had a
play date with yet.
Dr. Samantha Rodman is a clinical psychologist in private practice, a dating coach, and a married mom of three. Visit her at Dr. Psych Mom.
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