RULES FOR SUCCEEDING AT YOUR FIRST JOB
Do you have Moebius Syndrome or another physical difference?  Are you out on the job market now, seeking your first real job?  Or will you be at some point in the coming months?  Well, then think about this:  remember, we do look different and sound different, in the eyes of most people.  I think there are many people then who know that they shouldn't be prejudiced against persons like us...who don't want to be prejudiced against persons like us...but who might be anyway.  Many people just have a hard time accepting our kind of "difference."  And so perhaps these kind of people will suspect, even if a company hires you, that you can't do the job; they might doubt your ability.

So you have to show them that you CAN do the job.  And you can do it.  And once you've established a record, and your co-workers and superiors get to know you and understand you,. you can overcome prejudice like this.  But you have to dot all your i's and cross all your t's, as they say; you have to pay attention to detail and work hard.  And this article give us all a number of pointers to help us do just that:
"1. Take notes. Never stop taking notes. Never say, "I don't have a pen or a notebook." Never ever say, "I remember more when I concentrate on listening instead of note-taking."
2. While you're taking notes, star anything that needs to be done by you. Your boss isn't going to wave a flag or jump around every time she assigns you something new. It's up to you to add it to your list and find a way to get it done.
3. See the future. Become the one with the crystal ball. Because work is not just about the task at hand. It's about what happens next. For instance, if your boss asks you to finish printing an annual report for the L.A. office, you need to realize it has to be overnighted. Which means the next step is getting it to the mail room before it closes at 6 p.m. Meaning, you now have a deadline.
4. Treat everyone, especially your manager, like a client. Anyone who works in marketing will know what this means. (For anyone entering another field, the next three steps offer a cheat sheet.)
5. Do only one client's work at a time. Don't offer the same ideas to everyone, hoping someone will bite. If two higher-ups like your idea, you've just put two colleagues at odds.
6. Think about presentation. Everything from meeting minutes to a calendar can be formatted beautifully. Alphabetizing lists, numbering pages -- never a bad idea.
7. All interactions are auditions to be hired for more work, so show your colleagues how much you want their business by doing what they asked you to do, when they asked for it.
8. Office life in the 21st century is life in a cubicle. Think about the volume of your voice, the ringtone choice on your cell phone, the aroma of your food, and the amount of stuff that's spilling out of your work area.
9. Double-check yourself. Did you spell that client's name right? Have you done everything on your to-do list? Does your boss have everything he needs for the meeting tomorrow? (Power cords -- always remember the power cords.)
10. Present problems the right way. Stuff happens. Bosses know this. Here's what they want when you've screwed up: First, an apology. (Note: "Yeah, sorry" is not an apology.) Second, a recap of the problem. (This shows that you know what happened and how serious it is.) Third, a summary of the steps you've taken to fix it. (You may not have succeeded, but you should have tried.) Fourth, an explanation of what you'll do differently in the future to avoid this happening again.
11. Use the systems that make everyone's life easier -- not just yours. You don't like Google Documents because you have to check one more email? That is unfortunate. That is not an excuse to make 20 other people start emailing documents.
12. No. Giant. Headphones. (Unless your space is really noisy.)
13. No. Tiny. Tank tops. (Unless...no, actually, never.)
14. Remember your boss's plate. This is the number one rule of your first job: A task will stay on your boss's mind if she has to ask you whether it's done, double-check or nag you. You don't want to bury your boss in details, but the minute you know you aren't going to finish something on time, tell her. As you complete a project, tell her. You may think, "I do most of my stuff right, why doesn't she trust me?" Here's why: If she doesn't know which few things you're going to botch, all your tasks are still on her plate.
If you follow all these rules in your first job, you'll be surprised at how quickly you can move up to your second job."

"None of us will ever accomplish anything excellent or
commanding except when he listens to this whisper which is
heard by him alone." -Ralph Waldo Emerson

FRIDAY FOOTBALL PICKS!

Last week I was only 5-8-1.  Time to improve...

COLLEGE PICKS

Oklahoma at Kansas State.  MY PICK:  SOONERS.  Yes, K-State is riding high and unbeaten, and at home.  Yes, the Sooners are coming off what was for them a terrible loss at home.  But Oklahoma has too much talent, and too much good coaching, to lay an egg two weeks in a row.  Go with the Sooners.

Michigan State at Nebraska.  MY PICK:  CORNHUSKERS.  MSU had an amazing, emotional victory last week at home against Wisconsin.  But now only one week later they must go on the road against a tough opponent.  Can MSU get emotionally up sufficiently to do it two weeks in a row?  I doubt it.  Go with the Cornhuskers.

NFL PICKS:

Indianapolis at Tennessee.  LINE:  Titans by 8.5.  MY PICK:  TITANS.  A chance for Tennessee to get well; and the Colts just appear to have been beaten down, demoralized by this horrendous season they're going through.

Jacksonville at Houston.  LINE:  Texans by 9.5.  MY PICK:  TEXANS.  I think the Texans may be ready to get back on their roll.  Defensive coordinator Wade Phillips has kept his unit playing together; and last week the offense got Arian Foster going.  Look for that to continue this week.

Minnesota at Carolina.  LINE:  Panthers by 3.5.  MY PICK:  PANTHERS.  A battle of rookie QBs--Cam Newton vs Christian Ponder.  But I suspect that Newton is further ahead at this point; plus, rookie QBs like Ponder often struggle in their first road game, though Ponder shows promise.

St. Louis at New Orleans.  LINE:  Saints by 13.5.  MY PICK:  SAINTS.  They showed last week they won't let up against bad teams; I see no reason for that to change against the sad-sack Rams.

Arizona at Baltimore.  LINE:  Ravens by 12.5.  MY PICK:  CARDINALS.  Not to win.  But to make this a closer game.  The Ravens have issues offensively.  For the past 3 games, Joe Flacco has been off, and they have not been executing.  Meanwhile AZ and Kevin Kolb put up 20 points last week against the Steelers in a losing effort.  If they can put up those kind of numbers this week, they will beat the spread.

Miami at NY Giants.  LINE:  Giants by 9.5.  MY PICK:  GIANTS.  The Giants are playing better football lately.  The Dolphins have not.  Look for the downward slide of the Fish to continue.

Washington at Buffalo (played in Toronto).  LINE:  Bills by 6.  MY PICK:  BILLS.  This remains a Bills teams vastly improved; meanwhile, the 'Skins, with major injuries to Chris Cooley and Tim Hightower, appear to be facing a long rest of the season.

Detroit at Denver.  LINE:  Lions by 3.  MY PICK:  LIONS.  Because 4 minutes of good play by Tim Tebow doesn't negate the 56 minutes of poor play he displayed last week.  The Lions D-line and blitz packages will give Tebow more trouble, and Calvin Johnson can help the Lions get back on track by riddling the Broncos' secondary.

New England at Pittsburgh.  LINE:  Patriots by 3.  MY PICK:  PATRIOTS.  Tom Brady has a history of good performances against the Steelers; I see no reason why that would be halted this week.

Cleveland at San Francisco.  LINE:  49ers by 8.5.  MY PICK:  NINERS.  One especially has to be impressed with the recent play of the 49ers defense.

Cincinnati at Seattle.  LINE:  Bengals by 3.  MY PICK:  BENGALS.  It's always a dicey proposition when a rookie QB (like Cincy's Andy Dalton) goes on the road.  But remember--he's won on the road already this year (at Cleveland).  And the Seahawks' offense appears to be a mess.

Dallas at Philadelphia.  LINE:  Eagles by 3.5.  MY PICK:  EAGLES.  This will be a tough game.  But:  the Eagles appeared to me last game to find some things against the Redskins offensively, especially with DeSean Jackson.  And the Cowboys consistently have been mistake-prone on the road.

San Diego at Kansas City.  LINE:  Chargers by 4.  MY PICK:  CHARGERS.  Another tough one.  San Diego has talent.  But most would agree they haven't played all that well yet this year.  The Chargers have played two really good teams--the Patriots and Jets--and lost both.  Meanwhile KC has improved and gotten back to .500.  But...while the Chiefs have improved, they're not yet ready to be called a good team; so look for the more talented Chargers to win and to cover here.

"Think of yourself as on the threshold of unparalleled success.
A whole clear, glorious life lies before you. Achieve! Achieve!"
-Andrew Carnegie  

ANOTHER INSPIRATIONAL STORY
Especially for those of us with physical differences and/or challenges.  If Sami Stoner can do it, so can we!  This is a remarkable story of a courageous young woman--read on:
"Sami Stoner is running proof that adversity doesn’t have to keep you from the finish line.

A legally blind 16-year-old runner, Sami is traversing cross-country courses this season with her new guide dog, Chloe, and is believed to be the first high school athlete in her home state of Ohio to compete with an animal.

“I don’t run for time or place or anything, I just run because I love it, and I’m glad I can share my love of running with Chloe now,” says Sami, a junior at Lexington High School who’s on the junior varsity cross country team. “I love having Chloe. She’s helped me so much.”

Now in her fourth year running cross country, Sami won a waiver from the state high school athletic association that allows her to compete with a dog. The golden retriever puppy, who guides Sami through the crowded hallways at school, also takes her safely through the running trails of Ohio.

“She watches out for roots and she tries to pick the clearest path for me,” Sami says cheerfully. “The ways she moves, I can feel it in her harness, so she has little ways to signal which way to go and what to do.”

At the starting line, Sami and Chloe stay back 20 to 30 seconds so Chloe doesn’t get spiked by another runner, but they’re usually passing other competitors by the first mile on the 5-kilometer (3.1-mile) course. Sami is ineligible to score, and she must avoid finish-line chutes if they’re deemed too narrow, said Dale Gabor, the director of cross country and track and field for the Ohio High School Athletic Association.

“She gives a lot of hope to other kids,” said Gabor, who approved Sami's waiver and believes she's the first scholastic athlete in Ohio to compete with an animal.

Running with just some peripheral vision is scary, Sami says. But Chloe is highly focused, which has helped Sami feel secure enough to improve her personal record to 29:53.

“There is still a little element of being terrified you’re going to fall flat on your face,” Sami says. “She’s given me a lot more confidence in my running.”

Her dad, too, is wary when Sami, the youngest of his three girls, starts a race.

“It’s an amazing, scary thing to see her take off and all you can do it pray that everybody comes back safely. This is my baby,” says Keith Stoner. “She’s not necessarily up there collecting a medal at end of the race, but in our heart she does win them all.”

Sami began running cross-country in eighth grade, and by the end of that school year, her vision deteriorated and she became legally blind. She was found to have the untreatable Stargardt disease, which is similar to sight-robbing macular degeneration that affects older adults.

In high school, she worried she wouldn’t be able to compete, but teamed up with a friend, Hannah Ticoras, who ran alongside her as a guide.

“All I wanted to do was run, and running with Hannah gave me that opportunity,” says Sami.

But Hannah graduated at the end of Sami’s sophomore year, again putting Sami’s competitive future in limbo. Her mobility teacher thought she’d be a good candidate for a guide dog, and after a month of training over the summer, the Stoner family welcomed Chloe home in August.

Sami is grateful she’s still a part of the team she loves so dearly.

“I just hope people learn that just because you have a disability or some kind of disadvantage that it’s not the end of the world,” says Sami, who has a 4.0 grade point average this year. “You can still do stuff, you just have to find a way of doing it.”

"A positive attitude may not solve every problem but it makes
solving any problem a more pleasant experience." -Grant Fairley

"If your ship doesn't come in, swim out to it!" -Jonathan Winters

GOT PAIN? DEPT.
So how many of you out there suffer from daily, chronic pain?  Especially back pain?  I'm guessing there are a few of you.  So here's something that might be of help to some of you; always remember, check with your doctor before starting any major new regimen...and no new ideas or regimens are right for everyone.  But yo, check it out--maybe yoga can help you, yo:
"Weekly yoga classes relieve symptoms of low back pain about as well as intense, regular stretching sessions, a new study shows.

The research found that yoga and stretching were equally effective in easing chronic back pain and improving function, but participants had to practice each regularly to see benefits. The subjects in both groups took weekly 75-minute classes and practiced yoga or deep stretching at home for about 20 minutes at a time at least three days a week.
The study is the largest and most thorough to date to look at whether yoga has an effect on chronic low back pain, a problem that affects millions and has no surefire long-term remedy. A number of earlier studies suggested that regular yoga classes might benefit back pain sufferers, though most were limited by small sample sizes, short study periods and other flaws.
The latest study, published in The Archives of Internal Medicine, involved more than 200 people who were followed for up to 26 weeks.
“This is good news for yoga,” said Karen J. Sherman, lead author of the study and senior scientific investigator at Group Health Research Institute in Seattle. “The smaller studies which hinted that yoga might be helpful all had problems one way or another. This is a much larger study, and the findings are robust.”
About four out of five people experience low back pain at some point in their lives, prompting Americans to spend $50 billion a year on medications, physical therapy and related costs. Exercise, and in particular strength-training routines that develop muscles of the trunk and core, can help reduce pain and improve function, though many people avoid them for fear of doing further harm.
To find out whether the movements and static poses associated with yoga could make a difference, as earlier research had suggested, Dr. Sherman and her colleagues recruited 228 people with chronic low back pain in the Seattle area. Their mean age was in the late 40s to 50, and they were randomly assigned to one of three groups. One group took weekly yoga classes over 12 weeks, which typically included breathing exercises, 5 to 11 postures and guided deep relaxation. Another group went to weekly stretching classes built around aerobic exercises, deep stretches and strengthening exercises focused on the trunk and leg muscles. Both groups were given handouts and instructional CDs and DVDs and asked to practice 20 minutes at home on days when there was no class. Those in the third group served as “self-care” controls and received a book containing advice on back exercises and ways to reduce pain.
After 12 weeks, those in the yoga group were, over all, significantly less bothered by symptoms than the control group, and they reported better function and less difficulty in mundane daily activities like walking up stairs and bending down to put on socks. The improvements remained when the researchers checked with them 26 weeks after the start of the study. Those in the stretching group saw just as much benefit as the people taking yoga. More than half of the subjects in each group improved on measurements of function by at least 50 percent, compared with less than a quarter of the controls.
“Compared with self-care, yoga and stretching class participants were significantly more likely to rate their back pain as better, much better or completely gone at all follow-up times,” the study noted. “More participants in the yoga and stretching groups were very satisfied with their overall care for back pain.”
Dr. Sherman said that like many other therapies for low back pain, yoga probably would not work for everyone. For those who want to try, a weekly class and a few 20-minute sessions at home might be a good starting point, she said.
“Does everybody need to practice at least 20 minutes a day three times a week? It probably depends on your back pain,” she said. “At a certain point in time you learn what your back needs.”
As an alternative to yoga, stretching may be a viable option. Dr. Sherman recommended taking an intensive stretching class, then establishing a routine at home. But she cautioned that her study looked specifically at deep stretching that is far more involved than the brief, light stretches most people do before or after a workout.
“It’s not like stretching each leg for 30 seconds,” she said. “It’s much more intensive. You might spend two minutes stretching each leg before moving on and stretching other parts of the body, so you’re really getting in there.”

"To get what you want, STOP doing what isn't working." -Dennis Weaver

ANOTHR TRIUMPH
For one of our favorite young UKers with Moebius Syndrome, Jack Marshall:
"TWO athletes are celebrating after completing the Great Yorkshire Run.

Charlotte Robinson, of Cherry Grove, Belton, took part in last Sunday’s 10k event, recording a respectable time of one hour, four minutes and 40 seconds.
The 30-year-old was one of 8,000 competitors pounding the streets of Sheffield and she managed to raise almost £250 for Cancer Research through her efforts.
She said: “My thighs are aching but apart from that, I’m not too bad.
“I really enjoyed it and I would like to thank everyone from the Crown (pub) for supporting me plus family and friends for cheering me on.”
Meanwhile crossing the finish line after completing the 2.5K Great Yorkshire Junior Run was disabled Jack Marshall, of Green Lane, Belton.
The 13-year-old suffers from a rare neurological condition, Moebius Syndrome, and this affects his life in many ways.
However this has not stopped Jack raising thousands of pounds for charity and his latest achievement helped him secure over £750 for the blood cancer charity Leukaemia and Lymphoma Research.
His mum Linda said: “It was absolutely brilliant. When he crossed the finish line, the guy from BUPA interviewed him and he got the biggest cheer in the world which made me cry, it was unbelievable.”

Some of you may have heard of this story already, but in any case it deserves all the attention it can get.  What heart that young man has...what courage...what determination.  It's an inspiring story--so be inspired!

"Achievement is largely the product of steadily raising one's
levels of aspirations and expectations." -unknown

CLIQUES IN THE WORKPLACE
Here's a tricky issue for those with Moebius or some other physical difference:  cliques.  Whereever you work, you know cliques will exist.  It seems to be part of human nature.  For people like us, then, one issue might be:  that the top clique won't accept you.  You're different.  Another danger might be:  maybe someone with a facial difference is so eager to fit in, to be accepted by this or that "crowd", that he or she is too eager to join a clique; which can be a bad thing if maybe you wind up running with the wrong crowd, or if management frowns on clique-ishness.  I think what this article suggests is right--when it comes to cliques, tread very lightly; be very careful; don't be too eager to join what may be the wrong bunch; the main thing is to do your work, do it well, and show you belong:
"Cliques are ever-present in our lives. As much as many would like to believe they don't extend beyond high school, we all know better. I'm sure if you sat back and thought about all the people you work with, you could identify several cliques in your workplace. If not -- consider yourself lucky, because you're probably in a highly-collaborative environment where everyone has equal input.
But for most, work can closely resemble the movie "Mean Girls." While mostly a drain on the workplace, cliques can have a positive effect on new employees or team members, but everyone should be wary of the impression a clique gives to others, especially upper management. While it's human nature to want to fit in, keep in mind there are both positives and negatives to aligning yourself with an office clique.
The Good
Cliques are appealing to join because at work, people want to associate with those that are successful and recognized for being so. Running with a top-performing clique can give you value by association from management. It shows that you are a team player and want to become a top performer as well.
Also, people take notice of the friends you keep at work and how well you fit in. By actively joining groups and socializing, you become a highly-connected person that can build cross-functional relationships, providing value to you and your boss.
Within the clique itself, the "top dogs" can also be mentors to you. They probably know the ropes, can give you the inside scoop or introduce you to people that can help you succeed in your role.
I doubt many people don't want some kind of camaraderie at work. No one wants to be an island unto themselves, and joining an existing group can be helpful in learning the ins and outs of a company. But let's not forget that cliques can also form based on factors having nothing to do with work. Which leads us to the bad...
The Bad
Remember the thing about association. Well, remember the phrase "guilty by association." Just as easily as you can be seen running with people who are exceptional A+ performers, sometimes upper management can consider you to be running with the D+ crowd and you may not even know it. So be wary of how others are viewed in your workplace before you establish a relationship.
Cliques can breed an atmosphere of exclusivity where the leaders can be toxic. Be wary of groups where the dominant person is always negative or is spreading gossip based on their personal past with the company. Remember that cliques can also have standoffs with other business units or groups and make it difficult to get work done.
And for every good piece of information that you could learn from a clique, you also run the risk of being misinformed. Not to mention the gossip, bullying or other activities that would alienate others. And that's truly the biggest problem of cliques at work -- alienation. Even worse, if you miss out on other people's perspectives and input, it can hurt the overall team and organization.
The Reality
Sometimes cliques are inherent in the workplace, such as doctors and nurses or tenured teachers and non-tenured staff. Even in manufacturing, there's often a split between management and labor. But your best bet is to just tread lightly when it comes to making alliances.
Good managers won't really tolerate cliques and will create environments that foster community and inclusiveness. While healthy competition helps spur innovation in the workplace, cliques are truly more detrimental to your career than a boon to it. Sure, being the new person or a new member on the team means you have to ingratiate yourself with everyone and feel everybody out. Feel out their strengths and weaknesses so you can determine where your own expertise can compliment the team's.
Also, management shouldn't openly sanction fraternization, so as to not endorse one group of people over another for proactively socializing. And while cliques can have the illusion of safety in numbers, just remember this: Companies hire and fire individuals. So align yourself with people who are going to push you to be the best you can be and focus on how your efforts can help others. There's a difference between smart socializing and just desperately trying to make friends to get gossip or get ahead."

My experience has always been very simple:  people in the workplace, including your superiors, can and will accept you, even though you look and sound a little different...as long as you show you can do good work.  Believe it, and go show 'em yourself...

"Continuous effort, not strength or intelligence is the key
to unlocking our potential." -Liane Cardes

Let's just have some fun today!
And go on to...

FRIDAY FOOTBALL PICKS!
Last week I was 7-7-1; over the past 3 weeks I've gone 27-16-2.  Let's do better this week!

COLLEGE PICK
Just one...

Wisconsin at Michigan State.  MY PICK:  SPARTANS.  Wisconsin is a good football team.  But they have yet to play a truly good team on the road, in a hostile environment.  Nor have they played a team with the caliber of defense that State has--they have something like 17 sacks in their last couple of games.  Look for MSU to be able to contain the Badger offense and do enough themselves to eke out an upset win.

NFL PICKS

Chicago vs Tampa Bay (in London).  LINE:  Bears by 1.  MY PICK:  BUCCANEERS.  The Bears still have offensive line issues.  Meanwhile, the Bucs had a very impressive win last week, coming off a tough loss.  Look for Josh Freeman to expose the Bears' secondary.

Washington at Carolina.  LINE:  Panthers by 2.5.  MY PICK:  REDSKINS.  I think Washington will use their run game effectively against Carolina's suspect defense, and will get a couple of turnovers from Cam Newton--although Newton will again get his yards.

San Diego at NY Jets.  LINE:  Chargers by 2.  MY PICK:  CHARGERS.  The Jets' ugly win last week didn't solve their problems, both of running the ball and stopping the run.  Look for Philip Rivers to take advantage of it.

Seattle at Cleveland.  LINE:  Browns by 3.  MY PICK:  BROWNS.  They're at home in colder weather; and Cleveland has settled on a QB, while one doesn't sense Seattle has.

Houston at Tennessee.  LINE:  Titans by 3.  MY PICK:  TITANS.  Houston hasn't looked the same without Andre Johnson and Mario Williams; and Tennessee is at home.

Denver at Miami.  LINE:  Dolphins by 1.  MY PICK:  BRONCOS.  Tim Tebow will provide a spark for Denver; and he may have 20,000 fans or more in Miami rooting for him.

Atlanta at Detroit.  LINE:  Lions by 3.5.  MY PICK:  LIONS.  Frank Gore hurt the Lions last week.  But Atlanta's run game has not been consistent, and when it's not, the Falcons are beatable.  Look for the Lions' D-line to see that it happens just that way.

Kansas City at Oakland.  LINE:  Raiders by 6.  MY PICK:  CHIEFS.  Not to win; but to keep it close.  The Raiders will either be breaking in a rusty Carson Palmer or going with the journeyman-at-best Kyle Boller.  I think Oakland with its run game will eke out a win here, but with such QB issues it's bound to be a closer game.

Pittsburgh at Arizona.  LINE:  Steelers by 4.  MY PICK:  STEELERS.  Arizona just makes mistakes and has O-line issues, and meanwhile one has the sense the Steelers are finding themselves a bit.

St. Louis at Dallas.  LINE:  Cowboys by 13.  MY PICK:  RAMS.  I think Dallas will win this game.  But...13 points is a lot, especially given Dallas' struggles this year both in turning the ball over and in scoring TDs in the red zone.  Sam Bradford will play in this one; so I see it being a bit closer than 13.

Green Bay at Minnesota.  LINE:  Packers by 9.  MY PICK:  PACKERS.  Of course; probably the Packers cover here very easily; Christian Ponder at QB for the Vikes is almost certainly in way over his head.

Indianapolis at New Orleans.  LINE:  Saints by 14.  MY PICK:  SAINTS.  Drew Brees against Curtis Painter?  Painter is not that bad, but the Colts are beaten down by now and the Saints need a win.

Baltimore at Jacksonville.  LINE:  Ravens by 8.  MY PICK:  RAVENS.  Once again, a rookie QB in over his head; this time it's Blaine Gabbert.  And I don't expect the Ravens to ease up on him as the Steelers did last week...

"Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid." -Basil King

THE UPS--AND DOWNS--OF FACEBOOK
So many of us in the Moebius Syndrome/physical differences community are on Facebook now, or on some kind of interactive social media--and I think it's good.  It allows us to meet, interact with, and support others, who we may not have met otherwise.  I think when we talk of the Facebook community as a whole, many people do try to always sound upbeat, happy, and successful, and sometimes that's an attempt to mask what the reality really is.  Hiding the warts can take a toll.  I don't know that such happens quite as much in communities such as that around Moebius Syndrome, because we all know the realities that others in our group deal with, and we know we need not hide them.  Instead, we can seek support for them.  But if there are any folks out there who feel the need to pretend everything is OK when it isn't, this "Dear Abby" column today is a good reminder that--there's no need:
"Dear Abby: "Unsure Out West" (July 26) felt inadequate because she had no upbeat messages to send to her friends on Facebook. Please tell her she's not alone.

I attended a prestigious college, but 35 years later I also find myself with no job, in debt, battling depression and dealing with a host of phobias. I read the school's quarterly magazine and see my peers have great jobs, travel extensively and are happily married. I once sent in "news" that not everyone is so lucky and I am neither successful nor wealthy. It wasn't published.
When my FB friends ask how I am, I reply it's a difficult question to answer. I then ask about them and let them know I'm glad they're doing well. And when times get bad, I know I can deactivate my Facebook until I feel better.
"Friend in Massachusetts"
Dear "Friend": Thank you for writing to support "Unsure." Many people identified with her feelings. My newspaper readers comment:
Dear Abby: As a recovering survivor of severe childhood trauma, I can relate to "Unsure's" situation. I have college degrees, am married to a wonderful man and have two grown children. All my energy went into recovering from what happened to me. For years I felt ashamed I hadn't lived up to my potential, but it takes courage to recover from abuse or addiction. People who understand this view "Unsure" and me as successes in the things that really matter.
She should be honest, and as discreet as she wishes. When I have opened up, others have learned the realities of recovery and seen me as proof that it's possible. Too many suffer in silence. They need to know others have sought help and are healing.
Wendy in Texas
Dear Abby: While everyone brags about their kids, careers and wonderful lives, don't forget they, too, have put a "spin" on things. Nobody's life is perfect. We've all had our hardships. I have been in "Unsure's" shoes for several years (minus the great hubby), but Facebook has given me confidence and enabled me to meet people who share my interests. Accept yourself for who you are. Problems with alcohol or depression do not define you.
Amanda in Illinois ...
Dear Abby: I, too, was well-liked, active and graduated with honors. After college I became sick with a debilitating chronic illness that leaves me mostly homebound. When an old friend reaches out on Facebook, I ask how she's doing, we discuss common interests and I reveal my health struggles.
Yesterday I spent the afternoon with a friend I hadn't been in touch with for 17 years until Facebook reunited us. She accepted my limitations and showed incredible compassion and empathy. We caught up on mutual friends, hobbies AND my health. While not everyone will respond that way, it's worth finding those who will.
Emily in Pennsylvania "

"Everything you want is on the other side of fear." -Jack Canfield

LOOKING FOR A RELATIONSHIP? PAY ATTENTION TO FIRST DATE FOOD
That is, pay attention to what food you order when you go with that first date to your favorite restaurant.  The food issue is of course an important one for those of us with Moebius Syndrome.  Eating, but not doing so in a messy way, can be a challenge for us.  But we've all found ways to cope with it.  So use those coping mechanisms.  The very interesting commentary below urges you to mainly focus on ordering food both you and your date will like, and simply to avoid smelly food you won't like.  Makes a lot of sense.  But for the Moebius community, I think the "messy" factor is something to consider too.  I would try not to order food that you know will be difficult for you to eat.  Otherwise, though, as this article says, focus on ordering what you'll like--and have fun:
"What you should order: food you like, that will not make you sick or smelly

What you should not order: food you don't like or food that will make you sick or smelly
See how easy that was? You're a person of dating age and you've likely been eating food in the company of other human beings for a least a couple of years now, right? Ideally without causing the people in your immediate vicinity to vomit, faint, weep or cringe?
Good. You are ready to order food on a date. Go get 'em, tiger!
And yet, magazines and websites abound with lists of verboten fare like spaghetti (purportedly too messy), corn on the cob (apparently all the rage on menus in cities I never visit), soup (dinged as being "too loud," but really, shouldn't you have learned to eat without slurping by now?), beans (tee hee - gas!), and raw garlic (but that's because most fashionable young people are dating vampires nowadays). I've also seen cautions against asparagus because of its notorious olfactory effects upon urine, but if you're in a position to know that about your date, you've clearly made it way past the dinner table.
Other resources caution against ordering anything too "weird," spicy or hard to pronounce. But if someone is going to judge you for digging Szechuan peppercorn monkfish liver bruschetta (which you mispronounced with a "sh" in the middle instead of a "sk"), they are not a person off of whose pier you ought to be fishing anyhow. Skip dessert, say a polite goodnight and a cast out a line for someone who enjoys watching you being happy.
What you or your date actually ends up ordering is of infinitely less importance than how it's ordered. It's often said that how your date treats the waitress is a fairly clear indicator of how they'll treat you six months down the line. That may be true, but if they're being a big ol' jerk to the waitstaff right this moment, there's no reason to stick around and test out the theory. As Dave Barry said, "If someone is nice to you but rude to the waiter, they are not a nice person."
If it's too awkward to end the evening right then and there (which I did once after a date wouldn't stop embarrassing the sweet, young tiki bar waitress by ordering his piña coladas as "penis colossus"), please feel empowered to go right ahead and order the biggest, stinkiest, messiest meal the kitchen can muster. And definitely suggest that you split the check; have enough cash on hand for at least your half so you can make a quick getaway and leave a good, solid tip.
But as for those food rules, one of the best first dates I ever had came about because the gentleman and I ignored a big ol’ don’t. He and I had met online and agreed to go to a now-closed Vietnamese place in New York City's Chinatown. Crab curry sounded like a fantastic idea until it arrived and we realized that it came served still in the hard shell, slathered in nuclear yellow curry sauce, with nary a cracking device or metal implement in sight. We looked at each other warily and then just dove in, using our fingers and chopsticks to coax the meat from the shells.
By the end of the meal, we were both covered from fingertip to scalp with pungent curry sauce and had a first kiss on the street outside as he picked a shard of shell out of my hair. My previous boyfriend wouldn’t have set foot in the slightly divey restaurant, let alone used his hands to eat.
Crab curry man and I ended up dating for two and a half years after that and we still get together to eat from time to time - now with his girlfriend and my husband in tow.
Sometimes we even use utensils."

"If you are not willing to risk the unusual, you will have
to settle for the ordinary." -Jim Rohn

FOR MOEBIUS MOMS AND DADS: COMMON PARENTING ISSUES...AND SOME ADVICE
Do you worry that your child's school is dishing out too much homework?  Did your child not get invited to that big birthday party?  Is your child being bullied?  Some issues...and some good advice:
"Here is expert advice on common parenting situations, so you'll know when to meddle and when to stay mum.
1. Your child has an unreasonable amount of homework.
Should you butt in? Not until you've done some serious reconnaissance work. "Make sure your child is legitimately spending time working," not playing with the dog or daydreaming, says Jan Busey, an elementary-school teacher for nine years in Asheville, North Carolina. If that's not the case, make an appointment with the teacher.
How to handle it: Come prepared. Before the meeting, keep track of your child's progress. "Set goals for your child to complete an assignment, then assess at the end of that time," says Busey. "And write down specific challenges. The more you can show that you've tried to deal with the issue at home, the more receptive a teacher will be to your concerns."
When to reconsider: If your help in organizing tasks seems to speed things up and ease stress, the answer may be structure, not a teacher conference.
2. Another adult lectures your child.
Should you butt in? If the conversation is an attempt to keep your child safe (he's climbing up the slide the wrong way), let the other parent finish.
How to handle it: Be present and reinforce what the parent was saying so your child understands that it's not OK with you, either. "Stopping others from disciplining your child lets him think he can behave badly when out of your sight," says etiquette authority Jodi R. R. Smith.
When to reconsider: If the adult is speaking to your child more strongly than is necessary, you can politely cut him off. "Introduce yourself as the parent, then say that you'll take it from there," says Stacy DeBroff, author of "The Mom Book."
3. Your child didn't get invited to a big birthday party.
Should you butt in? No. Making an issue about the slight will probably make things worse and draw attention to the fact that your child was left out.
How to handle it: Instead, focus on comforting your child and planning something fun as a diversion on the big day. Down the road, if this happens more than once, consider enrolling your child in a class or a program outside of school. "He'll meet a new group of kids who share his interests," says Michele Borba, an educational psychologist in Palm Springs, California, and the author of "The Big Book of Parenting Solutions".
When to reconsider: You may want to talk to the teacher -- not the other child's parent -- to make sure there's not a larger issue between your child and the birthday boy. "Ask if there is some tension between this child and yours," says DeBroff. "If you find out that your child did do something mean, use this opportunity to show how his actions affect others."
4. Another kid is bullying your child on the playground.
Should you butt in? Not immediately, unless your child's safety is at stake. "If you're there, watch closely and give your child a chance to solve the problem on her own," says DeBroff. The same goes for school: It's better first to equip your child with skills to stay safe and empower her to resolve the situation on her own.
How to handle it: Rehearse ways for your child to respond. For example, if your child has a sense of humor, she can use a retort like "No, I'm not a baby, but thanks for asking," spoken in an assertive tone of voice. Otherwise, she can employ a strong "Cut it out" before walking away. "Have her practice standing up straight, chest out, like she's wearing a bulletproof vest that taunts bounce right off of," says Borba.
When to reconsider: If the bullying persists and your child feels threatened, get involved. If you are the one intervening on the playground, nonchalantly pull your child out of the situation (snack time!) before discussing it. Talking to her in front of the bully could be more embarrassing. If the bullying is at school, ask a teacher to keep an eye out. Most schools take bullying seriously -- 39 states have laws addressing it -- so teachers should have practices in place. To learn more, check out stopbullyingnow.hrsa.gov, which has suggestions for both parents and kids.
5. A teacher gave your child a C, but he thinks he deserved an A.
Should you butt in? Intervene only if your child will take part in the conversation with the teacher. "If you believe your child's points are valid, say you'll make an appointment with the teacher but that he'll have to make the case," says Busey.
How to handle it: Have your child ask the teacher why she gave him the grade she did. "Hearing the feedback from the teacher will help him fine-tune future assignments," says Busey. Helping your child line up his arguments beforehand is a great way to teach him how to constructively approach a disagreement.
When to reconsider: If your child is prone to misreading or incorrectly copying down instructions, make sure you have the whole story before you jump to conclusions. A stellar report on blue whales is less so if the task was to write about smaller mammals of the sea.
6. Your child's coach sounds pretty harsh in practice.
Should you butt in? If it's upsetting your child, yes. But remember: Tough love can sometimes be beneficial on the field. "Some kids need more TLC, and others benefit from a little extra push," says Pat Summitt, the head coach of the University of Tennessee women's basketball team and the winningest coach in NCAA basketball history. Let the coach be the judge of what your kid needs. "It's good for a kid to hear a motivating voice other than her parent's," says Summitt.
How to handle it: With humility. Use a talk as a chance to learn something about your child, or help the coach to understand your child's personality better. Talk to the coach alone, and try not to be critical.
When to reconsider: If the coach's aggressiveness bothers only you and your child is thriving in practice, stay put in the bleachers.
7. Your child learned a not-so-nice word from a classmate.
Should you butt in? No. Tracking down the perpetrator's mother takes more effort than it's worth.
How to handle it: Just because you aren't trying to root out the foulmouthed preschooler doesn't mean you let the behavior slide. "I was actually glad when my children used those words -- at home, anyway," says Busey. "It gave me the chance to explain what they mean and how they make other people feel."
When to reconsider: If the bad word isn't a onetime thing and playing with a certain child always results in rule breaking. If your darling is also watching R-rated movies or playing violent video games at a friend's house, it's time to talk with the parents. Give them the benefit of the doubt; they may be in the dark about little Dirty Harry. Ask that they keep tabs on the activities; otherwise plan to host the kids at your house.
Moms (and Dads) Gone Wild
Teachers (names withheld to protect the innocent) tell stories of meddling parents taking things too far
--"I had one sixth-grade parent who would e-mail me the night before tests, asking for a copy of the test to 'help' her child."
-- "One mother brought her child to school late every Friday so she would conveniently miss the math flash-card tests, which made the girl nervous."
-- "A parent changed the relay order for a swim meet on my computer while I was out coaching. She wanted her kid to swim backstroke, not butterfly."
-- "One father called me after an uninvited child showed up at his daughter's slumber party, asking me to penalize the student. I told him teachers don't police slumber parties."

"Life is inherently risky. There is only one big risk you
should avoid at all costs, and that is the risk of doing
nothing." -Denis Waitley

FOR MOEBIUS MOMS AND DADS:  DOES YOUR CHILD HAVE SOCIAL PHOBIA?
Now, caution:  it may be that your child does NOT have it.  It may simply be that your child is shy.  If so, we all can guess why that would be.  But if you believe your child has excessive shyness, the important thing to do is to look into it, and have a professional see if your child meets the criteria.  And then see if your child can be helped:
"A small portion of shy teenagers may actually have social phobia, according to a new national study of adolescents.

Social phobia, a persistent, debilitating fear of situations that could involve scrutiny and judgment, is a somewhat controversial diagnosis in children and teens, with critics arguing that the diagnosis turns normal shyness into a medical condition. But the new research finds that teens who meet the criteria for social phobia are also more likely to struggle with depression, anxiety, substance disorders and other problems. That finding suggests that social phobia is a serious condition beyond regular shyness, the researchers report Monday (Oct. 17) in the journal Pediatrics.

To uncover the overlap between shyness and social phobia, the researchers drew from a nationally representative survey of 10,123 American teenagers and 6,483 of their parents. In face-to-face sessions, the teenagers answered questions about their level of shyness, anxiety and prescription medication use. The teens were also evaluated for social phobia.Parents were more likely to rate their teens as shy than the teens themselves, with 62.4 percent of parents saying their teens were shy while only 46.7 percent of teens described themselves that way. Of the students who called themselves shy, 12.4 percent actually met the criteria to be diagnosed with social phobia. Of the teens described as shy by their parents, 10.6 percent met the criteria for social phobia. [Top 10 Controversial Psychiatric Disorders]

Of teens not identified as shy, about 5 percent met the social phobia criteria.

The results suggest that "social phobia is not simply shyness," the researchers wrote. "In contrast to the high frequency of shyness observed among U.S. adolescents, social phobia affected a minority of youth."

More tellingly, the researchers reported, teenagers who met the criteria for social phobia reported more social struggles and more additional psychological disorders than the teens who were simply shy. Despite these troubles, the socially phobic teens were no more likely than their counterparts to be taking medication.

The implication, the researchers wrote, is that social phobia should be taken seriously in young people.

"Although many adolescents with social phobia demonstrate marked impairment, results suggest that few ever seek or obtain professional help," the researchers wrote. "Persistent claims that dispute the severity of this condition among youth likely will do little to alter their course."

"If you want to stand out, don't be different, be outstanding."
-Meredith West

It's Friday today...let's just have some fun.   And what better way than...

FRIDAY FOOTBALL PICKS!
Last week I was 7-5-1; over the last two weeks I am 20-9-1.  Let's keep it going...

COLLEGE PICKS
#11 Michigan at #23 Michigan State.  MY PICK;  MAIZE AND BLUE.  Look for Michigan to outscore State in this one, as finally the Wolverines dramatically end 3 years of frustration, thanks also to a defense just barely improved enough to help get it done.

#20 Baylor at #21 Texas A&M.  MY PICK:  BEARS.  I think most assume Baylor will lose this game vs a tough conference opponent on the road.  But, news flash:  Texas A&M's defense isn't very good, and that's good news for Baylor's QB Robert Griffin III, or RG3, as he's known.  He will help Baylor outscore the Aggies and pull off the upset.



NFL

St. Louis at Green Bay.  LINE:  Packers by 14.5.  MY PICK:  PACKERS.  Impossible to go against the efficient, accurate Aaron Rodgers here against the winless Rams.

Jacksonville at Pittsburgh.  LINE:  Steelers by 12.  MY PICK:  STEELERS.  Again, a lot of points, but it appeared the Steelers got back on the right track last week, and now they get to go against rookie QB Blaine Gabbert (who I'm convinced is not yet ready to shine).

Washington at Philadelphia.  LINE:  Eagles by 1.5.  MY PICK:  EAGLES.  A tough one to pick.  But at some point, you have to think all those Eagles playmakers will step up; I suspect this is the week.

San Francisco at Detroit.  LINE:  Lions by 4.  MY PICK:  LIONS.  Not an easy game; the Lions have had a short week after the Monday night win.  The 49ers are improved.  The Lions have to guard against an emotional letdown.  But I think they have enough veteran leadership and playmakers to do it.

Carolina at Atlanta.  LINE: Falcons by 4.  MY PICK:  FALCONS.  Look for Cam Newtion to get his yards as usual, but also look for Matt Ryan and Michael Turner to have big games for Atlanta, and to put up a lot of points.

Indianapolis at Cincinnati.  LINE:  Bengals by 7.  MY PICK:  COLTS.  Because even though the Colts remain winless, their QB Curtis Painter improves each week, they've been close to breaking through, and I think they'll at least keep this game close.

Buffalo at NY Giants.  LINE:  Giants by 3.  MY PICK:  BILLS.  The Giants' letdown last week--I mean, losing to Seattle...at home...wow!--has to make you wonder about them.  Meanwhile the Bills have been pretty consistently tough this year; their win at home last week against a desperate Philly team says something.  Look for Buffalo's opportunistic defense to force more turnovers.

Houston at Baltimore.  LINE:  Ravens by 8.  MY PICK:  TEXANS.  I just suspect that 8 points here is too much.  Even without Andre Johnson, the Texans have offensive weapons; and their defense is improved.  The Ravens will win this game; but look for a close affair.

Cleveland at Oakland.  LINE:  Raiders by 6.5.  MY PICK:  RAIDERS.  The Raiders' running game will continue to motor, and their improving defense will harass the still-young Colt McCoy.

Dallas at New England.  LINE:  Patriots by 7.5.  MY PICK:  COWBOYS.  I think the Patriots will pull this game out late.  But look for the Cowboys to keep this one close.  Remember, the Patriots' defense has given up lots of yards.  And the Cowboys have the weapons to move the ball and score; plus they are coming off a bye and are healthier.  Look for a close game here.

New Orleans at Tampa Bay.  LINE:  Saints by 4.5.  MY PICK:  SAINTS.  Tampa Bay laid an egg last week.  Now LeGarrette Blount, key to the Bucs' running game, is out.  That spells trouble against a potent Saints offense.

Minnesota at Chicago.  LINE:  Bears by 3.  MY PICK:  BEARS.  They're at home; they still have a good defense; yes, the Vikings finally won a game against a woeful road team in Arizona, but that doesn't put all of the Vikings' issues, especially on offense, to rest.

Miami at NY Jets.  LINE:  Jets by 7.  MY PICK:  JETS.  Hard to see Miami, without Chad Henne, now led by the journeyman (at best) Matt Moore, having much of a shot here.  A chance for the Jets to get well, at least for a week.

MORE ON BULLYING
A self-confessed former high school "nerd" now does a one-man show on bullying, how it happened to him, what it means, and has some advice on it--though he admits there are no good answers:
" Adam J. Ruben, a comedian, writer and scientist, has been called a nerd for most of his life. Does he fit the bill? Probably.
He was in the Princeton marching band. He clearly had no qualms about wearing suspenders in 1990. He kept an audio diary in seventh grade. And today he's taking his one-man show, "Don't Beat Me Up: Stories and Artifacts from Adolescence" to his high school alma mater, performing for the freshmen class while the sophomores and juniors take the PSAT.
It's a spoken word performance based off of diaries, poems and other documentation of his grade school life as the object of so many bullies' attention.
The show started out as an act of commiseration with peers, fashioned primarily as a comedy. "Most of it is joking about how lame we all were and how nerdy we were and looking at it now from this side," Ruben said. But it does expose the pain of growing up in America as a nerd.
"I don't think any of the nerds at my school had that one day where they stood up to the bully and the bully backed down, like that scene in 'The Christmas Story' where Ralphie Parker stands up to Scut Farkus and starts wailing on him," Ruben said.
For Ruben, bullying was something that happened so often he couldn't go to school without being bullied.
All the advice about dealing with bullying that he was given as a child - Kill the bully with kindness because nobody's been nice to them before; If you're nice to a bully then suddenly they'll be a gentle giant on your side; Make the bully laugh; Ignore the bully, walk away; Just be yourself - was never anything that worked, he said.
"It just isn't true, and kids realize it isn't true," Ruben said. "It's good advice for adults, but for kids 'be yourself' doesn't really work."
"I end (my show) with sort of a non-conclusion. That it does get better when you become an adult. People sort of stop being petty and selfish about it, and the bullying really changes character and goes away often. But what would I tell an eighth-grader today who's being bullied other than it gets better eventually? I don't have a good answer."
But an interesting meeting at the Wilmington Fringe Festival caught Ruben's attention. A high school student came up to him after the show and said, "Yeah, all the advice that you said doesn't work about bullying, they just had an assembly with us and told us all the same advice," Ruben said. "Which is interesting and sad."
With so much media attention on America's culture of bullying and tragic tributes to victims of bullying who took their own lives rather than continue to be abused by their peers, Ruben sees the ongoing acceptance of bullying to be infuriating. Especially so, he said, because no good solution to the problem has been found.
"Society has this expectation that nerds are people to be bullied and made fun of," Ruben said. "I would get mad every time there was a TV show that had nerd characters on it and they always had thick glasses with tape in the middle and they were in the chess club, and it became perfectly OK to make fun of them.
"It made me very angry because being a nerd was not something that I chose, and it was not something that I was proud of, and it was not something I could change," he said.
The social pressures of being bullied makes nerds turn on one another, he said.
"It's that need to feel like no matter what, you're not the very, very bottom person. There is someone that you can still be more popular than. One kid who is weirder than you, and you make sure that kid is your friend because then you don't look so bad in comparison," he said.
"I knew, in high school, I could identify the few kids that I thought were less popular than I was. And it sounds horrible. I think that it made me feel a little good that no matter what, I was third to last and not last."
"Don't Beat Me Up" showcases some of those painful moments in Ruben's life. Like the note he typed on homecoming night in 10th grade.
"I promised myself that I would master this social thing, I will have friends, and I will know that I've succeeded if I have a date for homecoming," Ruben said. "I'll ask somebody, anybody, and I'll go there. I'll have a date, I'll be like a normal person."
But it didn't happen. "Homecoming night I went out to dinner with my parents, and then came home and was so depressed about it, I went right to the basement and I started typing. And I had that document, so I was able to read some parts of that," Ruben said.
Ruben said he thinks the acceptance of bullying in America comes down to the fact that it is still OK, even expected, to make fun of people who are not self-aware.
"In the same way on a TV show that the stupid character is not self-aware, and you laugh when the stupid character says something stupid, you laugh at the nerd not being self-aware, and saying things that may be inappropriately intelligent for the situation or inappropriately detailed," he said.
It's a bit of a romantic notion for nerds to believe they are bullied because others are jealous of their potential, Ruben said. "I don't think that anyone who picked on me would have traded places with me," he said.
And now he's performing his one-hour show in front of a room full of high school freshmen whose reaction to his nerdy confessions is unpredictable.
"I'm not even sure they can sit still and watch an entire play for that long."

There probably are few good answers to bullying.  But I think we all do know one thing:  that an important thing we can do about it...is to continue to raise awareness about it.  So that, at school for example, teachers and administrators can try to step in and stop it, and not just say "kids will be kids", or blithely tell the person being bullied to "just ignore them."  Awareness is the key.

"Faith that the thing can be done is essential to any great
achievement." -Thomas Carruthers

OUTRAGE OF THE DAY
Here's an example of what, sometimes, those of us with disabilities and/or facial/physical differences have to deal with in life:
"Officials at a community college in New Jersey are not saying whether they disciplined an adjunct professor who asked a stuttering student not to speak.

The County College of Morris acknowledged Elizabeth Snyder acted improperly and officials expressed disappointment with an email that the history professor sent to 16-year-old Philip Garber Jr.

The Star-Ledger of Newark (http://bit.ly/otoRWa ) obtained a copy of the email in which the professor urged Garber to save his questions for after class "so we do not infringe on other students time."

Administrator Bette Simmons tells the newspaper Snyder should have advised classmates to be patient with Garber.

Garber says he's happy with how the matter was resolved."

It's very sad that a faculty member would be so insensitive and clueless.  We can be glad, though, that the institution in question has publicly made it clear that this kind of discrimination against the physically-challenged is not acceptable.

BEAUTIFUL
On another topic, an issue of importance to those with Moebius is that of romantic relationships.  We want them; but hey, let's face it, finding the right person can be a challenge.  Some despair of ever finding their way.  But therre is hope.  For example, have any of you ever heard of the Australian short film titled "Beautiful"?  Some of you may already have heard of it.  It came out in 2010.  But if not, check it out--it's inspiring:
"We speak to inspiring filmmaker Genevieve Clay about shooting the short film Beautiful which celebrates the talents of people with a disability.
"Many people don't take the romantic relationships people with disabilities have seriously," Aussie filmmaker Genevieve Clay tells FILMINK. "They are in fact valid loving relationships sometimes maintained a lot better than other people - just look at the divorce rate! Why should anyone judge a person's relationship as valid or real if they've got a disability, particularly when that relationship is thriving?"
 It was this line of thinking which led Clay to co-write and direct Beautiful, a short film which explores the relationship between Amber and Raphael, two individuals living with a disability, and their journey toward acceptance from their family and wider society.
 Beautiful was created through the Different Lens Project, an inclusive filmmaking initiative inspired by Melbourne's The Other Film Festival which presents new cinema by, with and about people with a disability. A selection of six short films from The Other Film Festival will screen alongside Beautiful at the National Film and Sound Archive in celebration of International Day of People with Disability on December 3.
 Having shot the Tropfest winning film Be My Brother, a story about a young man with Down Syndrome and Frances and Annie which also challenged social prejudices toward persons with disabilities, Clay was approached to oversee the project. The talented director seized the opportunity to employ some of the strategies she had been developing to aid persons with disabilities in the creative field.
 "We held different workshops for people to learn about filmmaking and acting," Clay explains. "We wrote the script for the chosen actors so the film can be a platform to showcase their strengths and we had a fully inclusive cast and crew at the end of the process. They're strategies I've been working on developing, so that more inclusive films can be made."
 An intense but hugely rewarding shoot, Clay was assisted by two aspiring filmmakers. "I had two wonderful director's attachments, Ben Harris and Lucas Li, who I mentored throughout the process with the idea of the next project being left in their hands. We pumped it out in two days!"
 Clay knows better than anyone that the film industry is a difficult biz to crack, whether you have a disability or not. "It's hard enough for actors without disabilities to get work let alone if you're an actor who does have a disability. An experience like this is incredibly valuable."
 Indeed the experience was a valuable one for people both behind and in front of the camera. "I think that our two leads developed their craft further, and they got an experience and opportunity that they hadn't had before. People who are interested in pursuing a career behind the scenes were also able to experience a pro set, and be mentored by professionals too. It was valuable in networking, experience, skill building and exposure."

"Success isn't magic or hocus-pocus -- its simply learning
how to focus." -Jack Canfield

MORE FOR MOEBIUS MOMS AND DADS
Today:  what to do if your child is being bullied?  Of course, this can happen to almost any child; but let's face it, children with Moebius Syndrome or other physical differences most certainly can be targets, as any of us adults with Moebius can tell you.  It is good that high-profile persons like Lady Gaga are helping to bring attention to this issue.  But what can you as parents do?  Here are some suggestions:
"With Lady Gaga leveraging her immense popularity to bring attention to the issue of bullying and the nation's first anti-bullying law going into effect in New Jersey this fall, there’s a real opportunity to make a major dent in the problem that was once dismissed with the platitude “boys will be boys.”

With this hyper-focus on bullying, there’s a greater chance that a victim of bullying will get help before it becomes too damaging. As a parent, there’s a lot you can do to prevent your child from being bullied.

Understand what bullying is “Bullying is when one or more kids intentionally make a child feel less powerful or important,” said Joel Haber, an expert in bullying and author of Bullyproof Your Child For Life. It’s not fighting or aggressive behavior between two kids, where both have equal power. Bullying can be physical, verbal, or what is occurring more commonly, cyberbullying.

Talk with your kids often You want your children to be comfortable talking to you, so keeping open communication with your kids. Start routinely talking about bullying. 

“Tell your kids that it’s normal for kids to be mean to other kids and if it happens to you, it’s ok to talk about it,” Haber said. When talking about your child’s day, ask questions like, who did you have lunch with today, who’d you play with at recess? Did you have fun at recess? Ever notice any kids that get left out or teased? This will raise his awareness and make him more comfortable discussing the issue.

How not to become a victim“Bullies pick on kids for who knows what reason,” said Dan Rauzi, an expert on cyberbullying and senior director of technology services and programs at Boys & Girls Clubs of America. “A lot of times there’s no rational reason behind it." 

But there are certain responses that might attract the attention of a bully. Talk to your child about not responding reactively to a bully. “Bullies will target kids who overly react just to get them going, to watch the show,” Rauzi said.

Also, be sure that you’re not raising a victim, Haber said. Parenting in an overly disciplinarian way may make a child feel powerless, and can set him up for being a target of a bully. 

Don’t ever say things that make kids feel powerless and small, such as “Do what I say or else;” “If you don’t listen, you’ll be grounded forever” or “If you do that again, I’ll embarrass you “.

Early warning signs Most kids won’t come to their parents and report they’re being bullied because they may not recognize it for what it is, or because they’re ashamed and embarrassed. 

“Most kids go to school because they want to connect. Their social lives become really important,” Haber said. “Look for signs that your child is not wanting to go to school." 

Your child may complain of physical problems like stomachaches or headaches. Warning signs include difficulty concentrating on schoolwork, missing personal belongings, trouble sleeping or eating, having few friends and bullying others.

If your child is the target of a bully, there are several steps you need to take if your child describes being bullied.
• First empathize. Tell your child that it’s not his or her fault and that you know it’s tough to be bullied.  Share a story of when you were bullied if it applies, tell him or her you’re proud of them for telling you, but don’t get melodramatic or overreact (he or she is probably already upset about it).

• Write down everything that has happened so that if you do call the school, you can present objective data rather than an emotional argument.

• Make a plan, but don’t take over. Brainstorm with your child about what to do. Assure her that you’re not going to deal with it in a way that will make it more embarrassing.

• If it’s a small incident, you don’t necessarily have to tell the school. But if it’s affecting your child’s ability to feel safe, then tell the school, and make sure the complaint is kept confidential. Some schools now have bullying prevention specialists.

• Don’t tell your child to hit the kid back. That can make a bully more aggressive and it makes the victim part of the problem. Try to get your child to use non aggressive strategies to handle it."

In addition, what I've read in the past few months also suggests this:  don't just tell your child to ignore it.  Don't pretend it will go away by itself.  Don't make your child feel that he or she is somehow the one at fault or the one with the problem because he or she is being bullied.  Don't invalidate your child's feelings.

"If A equals success, then the formula is A = X+Y and Z, with
X being work, Y play, and Z keeping your mouth shut." -Albert Einstein

FOR MOEBIUS MOMS AND DADS
Always remember--to help your child do well in school; shucks, for good brain development--year after year, study after study, what do they keep finding?  Kids need a good breakfast:
"For today’s busy parents, returning to school means working a little harder to make sure the kids have nutritious meals throughout the day.

Having a healthy breakfast can give your child an early morning boost that will help them focus throughout the day. Research has confirmed children who eat a good morning meal are more likely to perform better in school. 

According to the American Dietetic Association, children who eat a healthy breakfast are more likely to:
• Meet daily nutrient requirements

• Concentrate better

• Have better problem-solving skills

• Have better hand-eye coordination

• Be more alert

• Be more creative

• Miss fewer days of school

• Be more physically active

Your child’s palate develops early and his relationship with food is influenced by your relationship with food. If you eat in a rush or standing up, then your child will do the same. If you skip meals, then so will your child. If you always have seconds, your child will too. If your pantry is stocked with junk food, your kids will prefer junk food.

On the other hand, if you make a point of introducing your children to nutritious, whole foods while they are still in a high chair and they acquire a taste for those foods, then they are likely to choose and enjoy those same healthy foods when they are away from home. Make no mistake…when you purchase and prepare healthy food, you are also teaching a behavior. And learning to eat healthy may be the most important lesson your child can ever learn.

We know children need balanced meals that include a combination of fiber, protein, and calcium. No matter how rushed the mornings might be, try to make the most important – and usually the most rushed – meal of the day into an opportunity to model healthy eating habits.

Here are a few healthy breakfast ideas that you can realistically prepare before school even on the most hectic mornings:

 Super Smoothies – Combine a cup of organic soy milk or coconut milk, organic frozen berries and a banana in blender. Add a little plain organic soy yogurt and a tablespoon of ground flax seed. Energy and antioxidant packed smoothies are ideal breakfast and after-school snacks. Prep time: 4-5 minutes.

 Goji Berry Oatmeal – Prepare organic ready-cut oats in boiling water per instructions. Add a tablespoon of organic maple syrup grade B and top with dried goji berries (or cranberries). Prep time: 4-5 minutes.

 Fruit and Yogurt – Mix your favorite berries with organic plain yogurt and add a bit of ground flax seed, chopped walnuts and agave nectar. Prep time: 3 minutes.

 Protein Packed Pitas – Chop some spinach, diced tomatoes or peppers and put in shaker the night before. Add eggs, scrambled in the morning and cook in cast iron pan. Stuff eggs into a whole grain pita pocket. Prep time: 6-8 minutes.

 Almond Butter Banana Wrap – Organic almond butter spread on whole grain tortilla with banana slices. Can substitute peanut butter. Prep time: 2 minutes.

By planning ahead – doing what you can the night before – and getting everyone up just 10 to 15 minutes earlier, you should be able to prepare and enjoy breakfast with your kids.

Deirdre Imus is the Founder and President of The Deirdre Imus Environmental Health CenterTM at Hackensack University Medical Center and Co-Founder and Co-Director of the Imus Cattle Ranch for Kids with Cancer®."

"If you limit your actions in life to things that nobody can
possibly find fault with, you will not do much." -Charles Dodgson

Read more: http://www.foxnews.com/health/2011/10/10/making-grade-breakfast-is-key-to-comprehension/#ixzz1aP5sFgC9

SOCIAL MEDIA AND RELATIONSHIPS
Now, here's a tricky one:  many of us in the Moebius community are on Facebook.  Many of you who are single want relationships, have been in relationships, and of course on FB this is something you talk about and display in your "status change", from "single" to "in a relationship", back again...  But, as this article makes clear, putting relationships out there in the social media world, can, if you're not careful, make the end of a relationship harder, and the pain last longer.  But there are things you can do to avoid this:
"Back in the day, when couples began dating exclusively, they called it "going steady." Now, they're more likely to make it "Facebook official."
But when relationships go sour, instead of simply returning a varsity jacket or pin and letting the news trickle through the gossip grapevine, popular social media outlets make breaking up even harder to do -- and more public.
Enter the dreaded status change, or perhaps worse, the unfollow: an instantaneous way to let your "friends" and followers on the Web know of your relationship woes in this age of oversharing.
A single "what's on your mind" entry or 140-character tweet can quickly turn your Facebook mini-feed or Twitter stream into a virtual episode of "The Jerry Springer Show."
It's an online ordeal that Las Vegas resident Sharon Chayra knows all too well.
In May, Chayra and her boyfriend, who were "Facebook official," called it quits. Aware that her friends would see the split when she changed her status back to "single," she immediately removed the update from her mini-feed.
Despite her attempts to minimize news of the breakup online, Chayra's ex-boyfriend launched a virtual tirade against her.
"I was able to read his page and did so for about maybe a few weeks after our split," she said. "Then I realized reading his wall was like taking a hammer to my fingers every time and rapping them to exquisite pain -- so I stopped."
Manhattan psychologist Joseph Cilona says people are more likely to share aspects of their love life when emotions are most heightened: during the "honeymoon phase" or when a relationship comes to an end.
"The reality is that there is always a very high possibility that any romantic relationship might not work out at some point, so it's really wise to think ahead and circumvent these kinds of problems," he said.
"Sharing information about personal life, particularly details about romantic relationships, is often related to needs for external validation, approval or admiration," Cilona added. "The underlying emotional subtext of this kind of behavior might be stated as trying to communicate the message: 'I am valuable because someone loves me.' "
Users should share personal information with those who are important to them through more direct and private means, he said.
But with more than 800 million active Facebook users, relationship disclosure is nothing out of the ordinary.
In fact, some people use social media as a way to keep tabs on potential partners. The Facebook Breakup Notifier app allows users to choose friends whose relationship status they'd like to track.
So what's a couple of normal social media-crossed lovers to do?
"Our advice to dating couples who break up -- and hopefully the breakup has occurred face-to-face and not from a status update or text -- is to unfriend or block the ex," said Jason Krafsky, who co-wrote the book "Facebook and Your Marriage" with his wife, Kelli.
"We have heard too many horror stories of the one with a broken heart self-inflicting themselves with a longer bout of heartache by watching the every move of their ex on Facebook. By removing them from your Facebook life, this allows the necessary emotional healing to occur ... for both people."
It gets even trickier with location-based apps, Jason Krafsky said, where a virtual episode of "Jerry Springer" can quickly turn into a feature presentation of "Fatal Attraction" -- even if the relationship is still on good terms.
"Where things go south is when they are using the platform to monitor or stalk their mate's every move because they don't trust them," he said. "If this is surfacing in a person's relationship, stop using the feature, have a conversation with the mate to try working on the relationship, and give it some time before you start checking in online again."
Netiquette and relationship expert Julie Spira has the same perspective regarding micro-blogging forum Twitter: Trust is key.
"If you trust your partner offline, you should as well online," said Spira, author of "The Rules of Netiquette: How to Mind Your Manners on the Web."
"If you're not dating exclusively, I suggest taking a digital pass on following him or her. He might say he's at home sick for the evening, while you're gazing at his latest rendezvous in a TwitPic photo. When in doubt, don't. It's not worth a digital fight."
And if you're just an innocent bystander who wants to console your newly single friend, Spira said the polite thing to do is respect their privacy.
"Showing you care can be appreciated," she said, "but people feel uncomfortable when there's a breakup involved."
If you're the newly single friend, Spira suggests exercising your executive veto power over posts from those well-meaning bystanders.
"Any comments on your status change on Facebook that make you feel bad or sad should be deleted from your feed. It's best to send the commenter a private message on Facebook and let them know why you deleted their comment," Spira advised. "After all, you do want to have supportive friends, both online and offline.
"We're developing relationships online and connecting with people from our past," she said. "Our social media friends become our digital cheerleaders, which I believe is a good thing -- in moderation."

I think sometimes we with Moebius or with other physical differences want relationships very, very badly...and if they don't work out, it can be real hard on us.  Always remember how valuable you are as a human being; whether you are in a relationship or not, that doesn't define who you are or how important you are.

And now it's time for...
FRIDAY FOOTBALL PICKS
We'll just focus on NFL picks this week.
And HEY---ATTENTION PLEASE!!!!  Last week in my picks--I won 13, lost only 4.  That's more like it!!!

Kansas City at Indianapolis.  LINE:  Colts by 2.5.  MY PICK:  COLTS.  Curtis Painter has been a big improvement over Kerry Collins.  The Colts have been competitive two weeks running; this week they'll break through.

Arizona at Minnesota.  LINE:  Vikings by 2.5.  MY PICK:  CARDINALS.  I keep thinking the Vikings will break though.  They haven't--even against the lowly Chiefs.  Time to get off their bandwagon.

Philadelphia at Buffalo.  LINE:  Eagles by 3.  MY PICK:  BILLS.  Time to get off the Eagles' bandwagon, too.  The Bills will move the ball against that suspect Eagles' front.

Oakland at Houston.  LINE:  Texans by 6.  MY PICK:  RAIDERS.  Andre Johnson, the Texans' best wide receiver, is out this week.  That's a big loss.  The Raiders will run the ball with Darren McFadden and keep this one close.

New Orleans 6.5 over Carolina.  LINE:  Saints by 6.5.  MY PICK:  SAINTS.  Yes, of course, Cam Newton will again pass for a lot of yards.  But Drew Brees will pass for more, and get more TDs this week, rather than settling for field goals.

Cincinnati at Jacksonville.  LINE:  Jaguars by 2.  MY PICK:  BENGALS.  A battle of two rookie QBs--Andy Dalton vs Blaine Gabbert.  Who's developed the most so far?  My view--it's Dalton; see his solid execution in the last two minutes last week against the Bills.

Tennessee at Pittsburgh.  LINE:  Steelers by 3.  MY PICK:  STEELERS.  A tough one to pick.  The Titans and Matt Hasselbeck have played well.  Ben Roethlisberger is dinged up.  And yet...the Steelers are at home, and figure to be desperate.

Seattle at NY Giants.  LINE:  Giants by 9.5.  MY PICK:  GIANTS.  Bet on Seattle QB Tarvaris Jackson on the road?  Not a good proposition, usually.  And Eli Manning and the Giants' offense have executed pretty well lately.

Tampa Bay at San Francisco.  LINE:  49ers by 3.  MY PICK:  BUCCANEERS.  Again, a hard one to pick.  Yes, the Niners are 3-1.  But are they that good, or has their schedule turned out to be a bit weak?  The Bucs meanwhile have the edge at QB in this one--Josh Freeman over Alex Smith.  And a tough defense.  Go with the up-and-coming Bucs.

NY Jets at New England.  LINE:  Patriots by 9.  MY PICK:  I know, the Jets have had problems lately.  But--9 points is a lot.  The Jets at times in the past couple years have seemed to have the Pats' number.  And I've got to believe the Jets are the most desperate team here.  A Pats' victory won't surprise me, but...look for a closer game.

San Diego at Denver.  LINE:  Chargers by 4.  MY PICK:  CHARGERS.  That Denver secondary is just too weak to hold up against Philip Rivers and company.

Green Bay at Atlanta.  LINE:  Packers by 6.  MY PICK:  PACKERS.  Atlanta has not looked like last year's team yet.  Meanwhile, the Packers very much resemble the team that won last year's Super Bowl.  Aaron Rodgers remains on a roll.  Can't bet against him...

Chicago at Detroit (Monday night).  LINE:  Lions by 5.  MY PICK:  LIONS.  The Lions' first appearance on MNF in 10 years.  The game means a lot to the city, and to the team...you can sense it.  The Bears are a tough opponent.  Will the Lions be too amped up?  Maybe in the first five minutes of the game; but then...the Lions have Calvin Johnson.  The Bears don't.

"Success lies in doing not what others consider to be great
but what you consider to be right." -John Gray