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Question: We have always tried to get our 11-year-old son involved in sports, activities, clubs and camps, but he has been picked on about his weight and his intelligence his whole life, and middle school made last year the worst year of all.
I had been so proud of the way my son would shake off the bullying and try to make friends, have fun and fit in. The longer he was in this school, however, the more he was bullied and the more depressed he got until he finally hit a tipping point and couldn’t cope with it anymore. After that he would come home, cry for a while and then lock himself in his room, play video games and eat junk food nonstop! When I would ask him what was wrong, however, he either wouldn’t tell me or he would be ashamed of the names these kids had called him.
I don’t know how to help my son, which breaks my heart and makes me feel powerless. Even the people at his school said that they couldn’t do much, and I’m afraid that a psychiatrist would simply give my son some pills for his depression.
What can I do? What should I do?
Answer: First of all, your son should know that a bully picks on children who are weaker than he is (or fatter or taller or shorter or whose skin is a different color or who go to a mosque instead of a church or a temple); he picks on anyone who cries or gets mad when he is attacked, and he feels better about himself when he makes someone else feel bad.
The more you stress a bully’s problems, the more self-confident your son should feel, but he doesn’t need more advice. Instead, he needs you to ask him what he’s going to do about this bullying problem. He’ll tell you that there is nothing he can do about the bullies in his life, but if you keep quiet and give him time, he’ll come up with a few ideas. Consider them carefully, and then propose some well-researched ideas of your own.
Question: We have always tried to get our 11-year-old son involved in sports, activities, clubs and camps, but he has been picked on about his weight and his intelligence his whole life, and middle school made last year the worst year of all.
I had been so proud of the way my son would shake off the bullying and try to make friends, have fun and fit in. The longer he was in this school, however, the more he was bullied and the more depressed he got until he finally hit a tipping point and couldn’t cope with it anymore. After that he would come home, cry for a while and then lock himself in his room, play video games and eat junk food nonstop! When I would ask him what was wrong, however, he either wouldn’t tell me or he would be ashamed of the names these kids had called him.
I don’t know how to help my son, which breaks my heart and makes me feel powerless. Even the people at his school said that they couldn’t do much, and I’m afraid that a psychiatrist would simply give my son some pills for his depression.
What can I do? What should I do?
Answer: First of all, your son should know that a bully picks on children who are weaker than he is (or fatter or taller or shorter or whose skin is a different color or who go to a mosque instead of a church or a temple); he picks on anyone who cries or gets mad when he is attacked, and he feels better about himself when he makes someone else feel bad.
The more you stress a bully’s problems, the more self-confident your son should feel, but he doesn’t need more advice. Instead, he needs you to ask him what he’s going to do about this bullying problem. He’ll tell you that there is nothing he can do about the bullies in his life, but if you keep quiet and give him time, he’ll come up with a few ideas. Consider them carefully, and then propose some well-researched ideas of your own.
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