And hey, look, for a lot of you--it's relevant. That's thing about having Moebius Syndrome--those on the outside might not think we have "normal" lives; but the fact is, we do. Take relationships--just recently, Moebius friends of mine have entered new relationships, had to end a relationship that had lasted several months, and gotten married. So we know about dating. And we know it doesn't always work out. Whether you were the one who initiated the breakup, or you got dumped--haven't you ever wondered? Is it really true that "well, we can still be friends"--as many say to each other when their relationship ends?
This piece I found today suggests that the answer is no. What do you think? Read on:
Let’s be friends.”
It’s an easy line to drop during a break up, as it intends to ease the pain of a breaking heart. But should you be friends with your ex?
Here are 10 reasons why you can’t be friends when the relationship is over:
1. It’s torture. You’re hanging out “as friends.” He does something that makes you smile. You suddenly want to kiss him — but can’t. Why would you put yourself through that?!
2. False hope. Admit it, it’s there. And if it’s not there for you, it probably is for your ex.
3. You can’t undo the past. If you’ve seen each other naked, you’ll have always seen each other naked. Note: Most platonic pals of opposite genders have not seen each other naked.
4. You don’t honestly want them to be with someone else. There’s a conflict of interest in your new “buddy-buddy” relationship, as you don’t want your ex to start dating again. Here’s the catch: Real friends want each other to be happy.
5. You can’t talk about your personal lives without it getting awkward. Again, real friends talk about their personal lives with each other.
6. Do you want to go to his wedding? No? Then you’re not going to make a very good friend, are you?
7. It’s awkward for your mutual friends. They know you dated. They remember the PDA. And now they have to figure out how to treat the two of you when you show up to a party together-but-not-together.
8. The mixed signals. There are too many nicknames, inside jokes and memories to start fresh, so you’re likely to fall into old dating patterns even when not romantically involved. It can be confusing for one or both of you.
9. The odds of finding true love are slim if you’re still hanging out with your ex. What new guy/gal wants to hang out with your ex every weekend?
10. It’s not healthy. You’ve had your heart broken. Why not invest your time and energy in the people who make you happy, not the ones who’ve hurt you deeply? (And if you broke up because of betrayal, character issues, hurtful comments or incompatible values, why are you choosing to spend time with someone you’ve already learned isn’t good for you?)
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"Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out."--Vaclav Havel
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