No, this is not my own personal confession--though I suppose I could make some "confessions", too-as could all of us who are parents. But then that's the point--really none of us are perfect, and parenting your children can sometimes be hard. It's not always easy, despite the fact that some in our culture try to convince us all that parenting, and time with your children, is always this glorious, blissful thing, and that you'll always know what to do as a parent.
I think really all parents know this isn't true. You parents with Moebius children know for sure how hard parenting can be. Thing is, just know--this is the way it is. Reality is not the glorious bliss presented in some stories or TV commercials. If it's hard for you sometimes, don't feel bad. Know you're not alone. This interesting essay by another parent I found today
echoes this same theme--read on, I think you'll identify with what she has to say--she titles it "None of us Know What We're Doing:
Confessions of an imperfect parent…Is there any other kind of parent?
No, there isn’t. Not all of us are as vocal as others, however, about our
imperfections.
When I was the new mother of a baby boy, before the “everything is
sunshine and rainbows with my children” Facebook era, all I had to go on was
what my friends were sharing with me, and what I was reading in every book I
could get my hands on regarding raising children. For my first son, who was an
excellent sleeper and eater and was a textbook “easy baby”, this worked out just
fine. When my second son arrived, 3 years after my first, he all but refused to
sleep for the first year of his life. Certainly something was wrong with him.
What was I doing wrong? Was it something I did? Was it something I was
doing?
I have always been a working mom and I beat myself up about that fact.
Perhaps my baby boy wasn’t sleeping because he was resentful towards me. I read
everything I could find about sleep habits of babies and I found information
that supported co-sleeping with your baby. I also found information that said
that co-sleeping with your child was the worst thing you could do. I found
information about letting your child cry themselves to sleep and I found
information that said if you let your child cry themselves to sleep that you
were raising a psychopath. It truly seemed that for every issue I found, there
was a compelling argument for the opposite viewpoint.
I will never forget my mother, when witnessing my virtual breakdown a
couple of weeks after giving birth to my second (and last) child, asking me if I
was “on something” and when I answered no, her asking me if I should be. I felt
like an absolute failure as a parent, and as a woman, because this was
supposedly the best time. This newborn time was “magical” according to so much
claptrap I was told and had read. All I knew was that I was exhausted and
overwhelmed and felt like I had no idea what to do. Eventually, I learned that I
would encourage my child to sleep anywhere he wanted to, as long as he slept. He
would doze off in the swing, he would sleep in my arms, and he would sleep in
the car. He had his own schedule and I KNEW that was NOT how it was “supposed”
to be, but I didn’t care at that point.
Fast forward several years to my eldest child at about 5 years of age,
who now is the one who refuses to sleep while his younger brother has no
problem. One night, when my eldest was in our bedroom fighting sleep with every
fiber of his being and refusing to go back into his own bed, his 2-year old
brother popped up in the doorway, at 3 am, shouting “SURPRISE!”
That moment encapsulates so much of my experiences as a parent. The
roles could have been reversed, and they have been before, they don’t matter so
much as the fact that every time as a parent once I have felt like I had a
handle on one situation, things changed. That night, their dad and I put both
boys in bed with us, and we all slept. At that point, I didn’t care about what
the “experts” had to say, or what I “should” have done. I went with my gut and I
dealt with it.
Now that my boys are 12 and almost 9 years old, I have gained a little
confidence as far as doing what I feel is right for them and for the family. I
can tell you, they both sleep great now, in their own beds, all night, and
sometimes I find myself wishing for the days when losing sleep was the biggest
parenting issue I had. It seems to pale in comparison to the delight of the
tween years and trying to raise conscientious young men in a time that sometimes
confuses and worries me, quite honestly. It helps immensely that I have found
blogs and websites devoted to parenting that are both realistic and encouraging
and let us all know that for the most part, none of us knows what we are doing.
We are all just trying to do the very best we can for our
kids.
I adore my boys, but being a parent has
not always been as “magical” as some parents, blogs, websites, and heaven knows
Facebook status updates, would lead one to believe, and that’s not an issue with
me as a parent, or my boys as children, that’s an issue with other people not
wanting to get real with how hard this can be. Share the good stuff, of course!
But take a deep breath and tell your whole story. Nobody expects you to be
perfect. You’ll feel better and you will probably be helping someone
else.
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"A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities, and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties."--Harry S. Truman
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