Thursday, January 27, 2011

THOSE AWKWARD SILENCES
So if you have Moebius Syndrome and you're conversing with people who maybe don't know you so well, one thing you can do is:  hold up your end of the conversation.  Why?  Read on:
"Well, this is awkward. A Dutch psychologist may have uncovered exactly what it is that makes those disruptions in conversation so horribly uncomfortable: They elicit deep-seated, primal fears of social acceptance and belonging.  "You could compare the dynamics of an interaction with dancing: Partners smoothly follow each others steps and know when to take over, in such a way that, in the end, one flowing dance appears," says Namkje Koudenburg, of the psychology department at the University of Groningen.  "In our research we found that this conversational flow is very pleasant; it informs us that things are all right: We belong to the group and agree with one another,” she continues. “As such, conversational flow serves social needs. That is, the need to belong, the need for self-esteem and the need for social validation."....
"...People who experienced the awkward silence reported feeling “distressed, afraid, hurt, and rejected,” according to the paper published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology.  "Even when people are not consciously aware that there is a silence, they immediately sense that there is something wrong," Koudenburg says. "Experiencing conversational flow is probably more than just detecting a silence. There may also be other ways in which a conversation is not as smooth as you would want it to be.”  Koudenburg doesn’t recommend rushing to fill the awkward silences when they occur.  Instead, she suggests trying to identify what brought it about – a disagreement? A controversial statement? – and remembering that everyone experiencing the disruption in conversation is feeling just as uncomfortable as you are."

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