Well, interestingly...if that ever happens to you, this article suggests that, yep--it can work. Don't assume that it cannot. Read on:
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The end of summer doesn't just mean it's time to buckle down at work or head back to school. For many college students, autumn also signals a disruption in summertime loving, in other words, a return to the dreaded long-distance relationship.
But are these types of
relationships really so hard? Or, as a recent study suggests, does
absence truly make the heart grow fonder?
According to some estimates, up to 75% of college students have engaged in a long-distance relationship
at some point, and roughly 25% to 50% of them are currently in one. But
long-distance relationships aren't just for college kids; surveys show
that about 3 million American adult couples live apart, too.
Previous research has done little to make people believe these situations can work. In fact, one 2010 study suggested successful romances require regular face-to-face contact to succeed.
That's why this latest study,
published in the June 2013 issue of the Journal of Communication, is so
heartening. Researchers at Cornell University asked 63 couples in long
distance and in geographically close relationships to keep track of how
often they interacted with their partners and which type of media (phone
calls, texting, video chat, etc.) they used. The couples also kept
diaries of what information they shared with their partners and how
close they felt after interacting with them through these high-tech
tools.
After a week, the researchers interviewed the participants and asked them about their satisfaction with the relationship.
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Perhaps not surprisingly,
the long-distance couples contacted each other most often, about three
to four times a day. But the researchers also found that this frequent
contact may have forged stronger bonds between the partners.
Long-distance couples
felt more intimate with each other than did couples who saw each other
all the time, possibly because people in long-distance relationships
willingly shared their feelings without being coaxed. They also felt
more accepting of their partners' behaviors and felt like they were
getting closer instead of just sharing information.
As a result,
long-distance couples said they felt more committed to each other, even
though 30% of them only got to see each other in person one to three
times a month.
It makes sense: Just as
online relationships and Facebook flirtations allow us to idealize
strangers because we don't have to live with all of their quirks,
long-distance relationships may help keep the romantic bloom on the rose
a little longer.
"In some ways,
long-distance relationships are a bit easier, at least for desire,
perceived satisfaction, and not having to deal with day-to-day life,"
explains Kristen P. Mark, director of the Sexual Health Promotion Lab
at the University of Kentucky. "Sure, you miss your partner and ache to
see them again, but that ache is exactly what fuels the desire and
passion in the relationship. Missing out on the mundane allows for your
relationship to flourish on the ups of life without having to worry
about paying the bills, what to cook for dinner or getting the kids up
and out the door in the morning."
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On the other hand,
technology can make it easy to present your partner with only a surface
façade and mask your true feelings. People in long-distance
relationships would do well to be as honest as possible with their
partners, and themselves, to ensure that their romance has the depth to
last when they become geographically closer.
Concerns aside, I believe that long-distance relationships may actually offer a valuable lesson for the rest of us.
"Putting some 'distance'
in your relationship can be helpful, even if you aren't in a
long-distance relationship," Mark says. "Using space apart to fuel
sexual desire or reignite spark is a useful strategy when daily routine
becomes monotonous. It allows for you to miss one another and realize
why you've got each other in your life in the first place."
So whether your
boyfriend is enrolled in college halfway across the country or your wife
is simply leaving for a week-long work trip, don't fret: The time apart
may make your relationship stronger than ever.
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