Drew Magary is an angry guy -- or at least he plays one on the Internet. The Deadspin, Gawker and GQ contributor and sci-fi author has amassed a large, rabid fan base for his sharp, smart, acidic rants on subjects ranging from the coaching abilities of Bill Belichick and the uselessness of scab referees to his hatred of scarves and the punchability of Justin Bieber's face. He's got opinions.
But all that ire and energy were of little use as Magary and his wife watched their prematurely born child cling to life in a neonatal intensive care unit as a result of a condition known as intestinal malrotation. Luckily, the youngest Magary survived, and the ordeal inspired the father of three to share his parenting experiences in a new memoir, "Someone Could Get Hurt."
CNN spoke with Magary about the peaks and pitfalls of being a dad in an often dangerous world....
CNN: Fear is a prevalent theme in the book. What's the difference in the fear you felt before and after you had your kids?
Magary: Every guy thinks, "The kid is here, life's not going to be fun anymore." There's a dread of not having the world revolve around you. I'm over that, and I'm more than happy to be a lameass who goes to bed by 9 every night.
Once you have kids, you have all kinds of other fears: the kid getting hurt, or worse. You fear that everyone is watching you fail -- that there will not be another human being at the playground who is a worse parent than you are. It's all very self-inflicted and self-involved.
I get too concerned with looking like I'm doing a good job rather than parenting well. You have to get past that layer of self-analysis, and that's very hard in this day and age....
In the book, you shared a story of getting so frustrated with your daughter, you worried about what you might do. What did you take away from that?
Magary: I reacted poorly. You feel so awful for being angry at your kid, and you can see the precipice that you're on. Down one avenue there's a nice relationship where you're mutually respectful of each other, and down the other is abuse or just antagonism all day long. It's terrifying to see that and visualize a future where the fighting never ends. I'm getting better at it....
How do you pick yourself back up from a bad parenting day?
Magary: I have a glass of wine and go to bed. When my wife and I know the day is going badly, we'll just cut our losses, go to bed at 8 and wake up with a fresh slate. It usually works. You don't usually get two bad days in a row. Of course, all the parents of teenagers tell me it gets worse. They all look shellshocked; it's terrible....
CNN: What did facing that teach you about the kind of man and father you want to be?
Magary: You can have kids and not fundamentally change -- you just get to do more stuff. People say they change your life, but you're still pretty much the same person, but walking around grumpy because you don't get any sleep.
I'll still get frustrated with my kid when he's crying his ass off, but I'm happy he's here. I have a fundamental understanding of how ridiculous it is to be annoyed at him -- because I'm happy he's not dead.
I tell my kids I love them every day. I hug them and kiss them and all that, probably more than they want. I'm not the stoic dad, where you're fighting for 50 years to hear your dad say, "I love you" once.
CNN: What advice would you give to a first-time dad?
Magary: Know when to walk away. Not from parenting, of course, but from meltdowns and conflicts. It's not worth it.
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"Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."--Leo Buscaglia
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