LIVING WITH LESS
Sometimes it's good just to think about life.  And all of us--be we Moebius moms and dads, be we adults with Moebius, or anybody else--want to figure out how to live better.  Is it possible to live better with less?  To really simplify?  Here's an interesting, thought-provoking piece on the subject:
"Chicago life and business coach Nicole A. Dunbar has learned to live with less, and love it.

Before launching her own coaching and motivational speaking business last year, Dunbar had a "day job" in academic fundraising and lived in affluent Hyde Park, a neighborhood adjacent to President Barack Obama's Chicago home. Pricey dinners out with friends didn't give her much pause. But those days are over.

She first downsized her apartment, moving to a smaller place in a less expensive and less trendy 'hood, saving $300. Even though she's now back in Hyde Park, she's got a six-month sublet arrangement that keeps her rent low and keeps her mobile. She subscribes to utility companies' budget plans so she's no longer surprised by fluctuating bills. She totes sales flyers when shopping the supermarket, eats more seasonally and cooks at home more.

 

Nicole A. Dunbar

Her athletic club membership? It's history. Said Dunbar: "I went out to the (nearby Chicago) lakefront, and that was my gym." That $150-a-month cell phone bill? Gone. It may not be sexy, but a $55 prepaid phone has taken its place.

When first launching Congruency Inc., she "decided to take contract or part-time assignments that would allow me to build my business while generating another income to cover my living expenses. I could never have come to this place without living simply and not listening to the 'shoulds.' "

"People don't know what they actually need. A need is electricity; a want is cable."

Because she does most of her coaching work with entrepreneurs and professionals remotely with clients across the country, she's not tied to one physical location. Dunbar's real goal is to spend Chicago's colder months elsewhere -- with her mom in Atlanta, visiting a younger sibling in her native Jamaica -- and downsizing her expenses will give her the freedom to do it.

It's all about choice.

The ongoing global recession and the accompanying hit to our pockets, bank accounts and retirement funds, not to mention environmental and ecological concerns, have prompted many folks to reconsider what's important. And to some, it isn't what they own or what they can buy. Instead, it's about "voluntary downscaling" or learning to live joyfully with less "stuff."

 

Duane Elgin

"We bought into the media notion that money buys happiness. We really, really tried that for a couple of generations, and it didn't work," said Duane Elgin, author of "Voluntary Simplicity: Toward a Way of Life that Is Outwardly Simple, Inwardly Rich." Elgin is a former social scientist who also holds an MBA and has been preaching the sustainable-living gospel since the 1970s. The concept of "voluntary simplicity," coined by social philosopher and Mahatma Gandhi follower Richard Gregg back in the 1930s, "reframes the conversation into a way of life filled with greater conviction, creativity and it isn't just about living with less, but living with balance."

For some, like Dunbar, whose previous work kept her spinning madly on the 50-to-70-hour workweek treadmill, it's about purposefully changing careers in order to do something they love, despite the financial downgrade. For others, it might mean selling their cars and relying instead on their feet, public transportation and car-sharing services such as I-GO Car Sharing in Chicago and LAXCarShare in Los Angeles to get around.

"About half of our members tell us they're choosing to sell a car or not buy a car because of Zipcar," said Zipcar chairman and CEO Scott Griffith, whose car-sharing network serves 250 college campuses and more than 50 cities in North America, and stretches across the Atlantic to the United Kingdom, Spain and Austria.

"They also tell us they save on average $600 a month," which he said is roughly the equivalent of getting a $10,000 raise after taxes.

In many cases, it's Millennials, or those born after 1980, leading the way. A recent Zipcar-commissioned study (two-thirds of so-called "Zipsters" are under 35) found 55 percent of those surveyed have actively made an effort to drive less. While more than half cited "protecting the environment" as one key reason, a whopping 78 percent who are licensed drivers say car ownership is tough because of high gas prices, parking and maintenance costs.

The financial savings are huge, but Griffith said "the real longterm and more emotional connection is around the whole concept of 'less is more.'"

Spending on experiences vs. things

 

Francine Jay

Francine Jay is the Pennsylvania-based author of "The Joy of Less, A Minimalist Living Guide: How to Declutter, Organize, and Simplify Your Life" whose blog moniker is "Miss Minimalist." Now in her late 30s, she's been happily living with less for 12 years, thanks to a travel-inspired revelation.

"I always packed as lightly as possible, and found it exhilarating to get by with just a small carry-on bag," said Jay. "I thought, wow, if it feels this great to travel lightly, how amazing would it be to live this way? I wanted to have that same feeling of freedom in my everyday life, so I decided to get rid of all my excess possessions and live with just the essentials. I wanted to spend my time and energy on experiences, rather than things."

A 2009 move -- before which Jay and her husband sold their house, most of their possessions and relocated to London for a stint with only one duffel bag each -- offered another clean slate. "We lived a rather nomadic life for three years, owning only what we could carry in our bags," she said. "We recently had a baby and are a little more settled now, but still committed to living with as little as possible. Although I didn't embrace minimalism for financial reasons, becoming a minimalist is the best thing I've ever done for my bottom line."

Jay's three major lifestyle changes include buying less ("it's amazing how much money you save simply by staying out of the stores"), decluttering regularly and seeking out versatile items, from dress-'em-up-or-down ballet flats to multi-purpose cookwear. "I think of minimalism as living with just enough stuff to meet your needs, and nothing in excess."

The 'luxury' of choice

But does simplicity ever feel like a sacrifice?

"Oh my goodness, I never think of minimalism as deprivation," said Jay. "Rather, it's eliminating the excess -- unused items, unnecessary purchases, unfulfilling tasks -- from your life. Well, I may have fewer possessions, but I have more space. I may have fewer commitments, but I have more time. Minimalism is making room for what matters most."

Granted, this is about voluntary downscaling, which by its very definition suggests that those making such choices have the luxury to do so. Zipcar's car-sharing customers, said Griffith, are better-educated and earn more on average than their similarly aged peers counterparts.

"It's not that they can't afford (owning a car); they've learned to do the math," he said. "They've learned you can have a simpler life and one that's more sustainable by living with less."

The real questions, said author Duane Elgin, are: "'What do you care about? What do you value?' It's important for people to realize it isn't simply the amount of stuff we consume. It's about our families, our work, our connection with the larger world, our spiritual dimension. It's about how we touch the whole world. It's a way of life."

And downscalers like Nicole Dunbar haven't looked back.

"The only thing I regret is I didn't understand this eight year ago," she said. When she shares her living-happily-with-less philosophy, "I hear people say, 'I wish I could do that.' You can; you just need to start asking yourself different questions. You have to understand wants vs. needs and start setting yourself up to pursue these things."

“It's easier to go down a hill than up it, but the view is much better at the top.”--Henry Ward Beecher (1813-1887

INSPIRATIONAL STORY OF THE DAY
Read about "Team Maddy"--and be inspired:
"Michigan dad Rick van Beek transformed himself from chain smoker to triathlete, a healthy turnaround inspired by his daughter, who has severe cerebral palsy.

The change came four years ago when the family saw how much their daughter, Madison, enjoyed racing as she was being pushed in the Grand Rapids Marathon.

“To see her being so happy and enjoying every bump in the road was more than I could handle, my emotions took over,” van Beek wrote in a 2010 blog post. “Shortly after that day I gave up smoking 2 packs a day and chewing a tin a day to be better, for Maddy.”  

He started training so he could race with Madison, now 13, who is unable to walk, see or speak.

“It was that day that I realized, Madison is not a burden ... she is a blessing that has changed our lives and so many other people’s,” van Beek told TODAY. “Before Madison showed me the way to a healthy lifestyle, I guess you can say I was running away from it.” 

Since 2008, the racing duo dubbed “Team Maddy” has participated in more than 75 events, van Beek told the New York Daily News earlier this month, and racing has become a family affair.

When they compete in the swim-bike-run events, van Beek pulls his daughter in a kayak, then he bikes with Maddy riding in an attached cart, and he runs to the finish while pushing Maddy in a stroller, the paper said.

Madison’s sister, Rachel, participates in the swim part of the race, despite her fear of the open water. “I can go out there and be strong for 500 meters, and I'm doing it for her,” Rachel told TODAY.

And brother Hunter runs alongside his dad, and says that his sister motivates him to keep going.

“Whenever I just think I can't do this anymore, I look inside of that cart and I see Madison laughing and smiling and I'm just like, ‘I can do this! I can’t give up!’” Hunter tells TODAY.

After the father-daughter team completed a sprint triathlon in Sanford, Mich., earlier this month, van Beek told the Midland Daily News that although he’s not fast, he loves spending time with his daughter and seeing her enjoy the outdoors.

"She functions like about a 3-month-old, and one of the very few things that we know she enjoys is being outside, being in the water, feeling the breeze in her hair and in her face, and going over all the bumps," he told the newspaper.

His wife, Mary, keeps the entire Team Maddy group going.

“It’s not about finishing first,” she told TODAY. “It’s all about crossing the finish line.”

Maddy, whose room is decorated with medals and race numbers, has changed her family for the better.

“Just the way she is... has made us better individuals all the way around,” her mom tells TODAY.

And everywhere they race, Team Maddy is cheered on by spectators and other competitors who are inspired by the family's spirit. "When you see what we do as a team," Rick van Beek says, "it's about love."

“Joy and hope are never separate. I have never met a hopeful person who was depressed or a joyful person who had lost hope...It is important to become aware that at every moment of our life we have the opportunity to choose joy. It is in the choice that our true freedom lies, and that freedom is, in the final analysis, the freedom to love.”---Henri Nouwen (1932-1996)

MOEBIUS SYNDROME IN THE NEWS
UK version--meet Moebius hero Callum Robey:
"TO have a smile like his brother was what Callum Robey had always dreamed of.
The youngster was diagnosed with Moebius syndrome when he was a toddler, which meant he was unable to smile or chew food properly.
But at six, he underwent pioneering surgery and became one of the youngest people in the country to have a 10-hour operation to correct the condition.
And yesterday, he was keen to show off his cheeky grin at the Summer Smile event alongside mum Claire, dad Ian, brother Jack, nine, and sister Neve, five.
Mum Claire said he had really "come out of his shell" since having the operation.
The 33-year-old, of Aston Drive, Newhall, said: "He is much more confident now.
"He used to stand back, especially when meeting new people, but now he will stop and talk.
"He always told me he wanted to have a 'Jack smile'.
"Before his operation people would stop and stare but now people don't give him a second look.
"His teacher calls him 'smiler'."
Callum, now 10, said he enjoyed the day, particularly the cricket match.
He said: "I've been to see the cricket once before with my dad, his friend and his daughter and it was really good.
"At Summer Smile I liked the music that played when the ball hit the boundary."
Dad Ian, 36, said: "He has taken everything in his stride and has never complained. He has been a little star.
"The event really was good, especially for me as I'm a cricket fan. It was a great family fun day out."
The Summer Smile event was the second to take place at the Derbyshire cricket ground marquee.
Those invited got the chance to watch the Clydesdale Bank 40 Cricket match between Derbyshire Falcons and the Northamptonshire Steelbacks. An afternoon tea was also served and flags were handed out to the children to help cheer on the team.
The aim was to help lift the spirits of people featured in the Derby Telegraph who have endured a difficult time. They included a man who was resuscitated seven times after suffering a heart attack, people who have fought cancer and those who had lost loved ones.
More than 40 people turned up to enjoy the day, including five-year-old Darcey Ince and her family. At the age of two, Darcey was diagnosed with acute lymphoblastic leukaemia – cancer of the white blood cells.
After 27 months of treatment, the youngster is now in remission and has been for the past eight weeks.
Dad Sean, of St Edmund's Close, Allestree, said: "Darcey has just had her post-treatment check-up and the results were really good.
"She has to go back every four to six weeks for the next six months to make sure everything is OK."
Mum Samantha said the family had noticed a significant improvement since Darcey went into remission.
She said: "She has colour in her face and she looks much healthier, which a lot of people have commented on.
Sean said Summer Smile was a day the family had really enjoyed altogether.
"We were really happy to get the invite to Summer Smile. We couldn't believe it. It was very generous and a lovely idea.
"It was a really fun day and a great way to introduce Darcey to cricket!"
Shirley Fenn was also among guests at Summer Smile. She and her family attended last year's event after her son, Jason Bee, was attacked in Alvaston Park in February 2011.
And she was there yesterday as well, after being featured in the Derby Telegraph almost a year after the first incident, when her son was attacked for a second time at the park.
A gang of teenagers knocked Jason and his friend, Liam Paxton, off a swing and zip wire before kicking and punching them. Both ended up in hospital.
Shirley, of Ionian Drive, said she was devastated her son had been targeted for a second time.
"It was absolutely awful. I just wanted my son to be able to go to the park with his friends and have fun."
She said Summer Smile had helped her family.
"The event put on by Derbyshire Cricket Club and the Derby Telegraph was great.
"It was a day out for my whole family which meant we could forget about everything that had happened.
"The atmosphere was really good and it was a pleasure to be there."
Neil White, editor of the Derby Telegraph, said: "So often we tell the stories of individuals who have been through such misfortune and this is our chance to give them something to smile about.
"It was a fantastic day and I'm very pleased that we were able to be a part of it."
Kerry Madeley, commercial manager at the cricket club, said: "It was a very successful day and it was a pleasure to host.
"I hope everyone had a brilliant time and enjoyed minute of it."

“My friends are my estate.”--Emily Dickinson (1830-1886)

MOEBIUS MOMS AND DADS, TAKE NOTE--ASSERT YOUR RIGHTS!
Assert your rights, that is, for your special needs child--read for example about this disability pioneer who, years ago, took on Harvard:
"For many, back-to-school is a season of anticipation, nostalgia, and shopping. For me, it evokes memories of an unsung historical event: the integration of Harvard.

No, I'm not talking about racial integration; I'm talking about the full inclusion of students with disabilities.

When I entered Harvard College as a freshman in 1980, it happened to coincide with a new requirement -- all institutions receiving federal funds had to become fully accessible under Section 504 of the Rehabilitation Act of 1973.

I was a 17-year-old lifelong wheelchair-user, born with a neurological condition called spinal muscular atrophy. I'd never walked or stood and my arms were weak as a baby's. But, as my parents often said, there was nothing wrong with my head.

I had little awareness of the precedent I was setting.

At 17, I was too self-centered for that. I was preoccupied with how I'd cope my first time living away from my parents, depending on full-time, live-in personal-care attendants. Yet I had an Ivy League freshman's cockiness, too. Somehow I'd manage. I'd always managed before, hadn't I?

To be sure, Harvard had had students with disabilities before me. But those students had to make do, bearing or circumventing access barriers without complaint. After all, it was a centuries-old campus. How much could one expect?

I, on the other hand, had rights -- and expectations. I challenged the university in a whole new way.

I was an inadvertent pioneer. I mean, it wasn't my fault. I hadn't fought for my rights. They fell into my lap.

The timing was a coincidence, one I wasn't entirely comfortable with. I remember meeting with university officials the summer before my freshman year got under way. We discussed every detail of my life and needs. What was the width my widest wheelchair? Did I take baths or showers? How much space around a toilet did I require for transfers? Boxers or briefs? (Just kidding.)

I also had to pre-pick classes so Harvard could ensure mine would be held in accessible classrooms, of which there were too few. If I changed my mind, I could be out of luck.

Not that pioneering was an unfamiliar role for me. I'd been the first and only "handicapped" student in my nursery, elementary and high schools, too.

My parents had insisted on my attending "regular" schools at a time when that was unheard of. In the 1960s, according to government statistics, only one in five disabled kids was educated in a public school -- usually a separate (dare I say "segregated"?) special-ed school. The majority stayed home or got sent off to under-regulated residential institutions.

More than a million handicapped kids had no access to the school system at all. Many states even had statutes specifically excluding the deaf, blind or mentally retarded from public schooling!

We lived in New York, and my parents were private-school kind of people. I vaguely recall how the schools my older, non-disabled brother attended refused to accept me, how my parents had to argue and beg on my behalf.

They knew separate wasn't equal, but they had no legal recourse. I ended up at the only private schools willing to take a kid in a wheelchair. It's no exaggeration to say that for many years I assumed I was simply too dumb for my parents' first-choice schools.

Today, of course, it's completely different. After countless pieces of legislation, reauthorizations, government commissions and legal rulings, wheelchair ramps and lifts, Braille and recorded books, sign-language interpreters, "shadow teachers," and other accommodations are commonplace in schools as they are elsewhere.

Parents of so-called special-needs kids still have to fight sometimes to ensure fairness, but they have rights and a grievance process on their side. Integration is the standard that must be met.

Ultimately, my Harvard experience had its ups and downs, as might be expected of what was a revolutionary new concept. Sadly, it wasn't just the ancient brick buildings and cobblestone paths that posed inexorable barriers; sometimes hidebound traditions can be equally obdurate.

Nevertheless, how the demographics of education has changed became especially clear to me recently when my kids' school held a "diversity day." (My kids don't have disabilities, but some of their classmates do.)

I boldly volunteered to lead a discussion about people with disabilities. To my surprise, I wasn't the only one.

Kids don't always appreciate this. For them, the return to the school year is a ritualized obligation. What a shame so few understand it as a right and a privilege to be celebrated -- a proud and hard-won victory."

 

 

“I no longer scramble blindly through hardship. I no longer emerge from a bad time feeling relieved just to have survived. Instead of despairing, I try to find the lesson within the experience.”--Halle Berry (born 1966)

DOES YOUR CHILD HAVE BACK-TO-SCHOOL ANXIETY?
Hey, Moebius moms and dads--is your child worried about going back to school?  If so, it certainly wouldn't be surprising.  Many children have those fears.  And for kids with Moebius Syndrome, going back to school can mean a big change, it means meeting new people--perhaps people who aren't used to your Moebius.  So some anxiety is only natural.  But for any parent, if the nervousness seems to be too intense--perhaps it is, and there are things you can do:
"While many kids are excitedly looking forward to starting school and seeing all their friends again, some anticipate their first day as a scary, wrenching and traumatic experience. After a long summer spent in the bosom of their families, they worry about what it’s going to be like to be away from home with a new teacher, heightened academic pressures and a different set of kids in the classroom.
Even when that anxiety seems intense, in most cases it’s just a normal part of a kid’s life. Beginnings can always bring stress, and if parents provide reassurance, the anxiety usually fades as children get back into the rhythm of the school day and realize they’re up to the new challenges.
For some kids, though, the anxiety just ramps up with each passing day, and can then begin to interfere with their daily life. And that may be a sign of something more serious. Studies have shown that one in eight children suffer from some sort of anxiety disorder, and school is a particularly tough stressor for kids already wired for worry.
“Parents need to know that anxiety is normal so they don’t overreact, but when a kid is obsessed with worry, if you see that it is dominating their lives, taking control in the sense that it is preventing them from doing daily activities you need to call your doctor,” said NBC chief medical editor Dr. Nancy Snyderman.
It’s the intensity and longevity of the worry that should trigger a parent’s attention, says psychologist Robin Goodman. “Everyone worries sometimes,” Goodman told TODAY. “But there are some people, even children, who just can’t stop or ignore their worries. When the worries and fears don’t go away, are inappropriate for their age, and stop children from engaging in their usual activities then an anxiety disorder might be present.
“For example, a child may be so worried about getting a perfect score on a test that he studies without respite, or a child might be so afraid of not having the right answer that she never raises her hand” in class.
Our only defense as parents is to know the signs, which can sometimes be subtle, of a kid who is becoming overly anxious. And those signs tend to change as a kid ages.
For preschoolers and kindergartners, separation anxiety can be the most prominent problem since many are leaving home for the first time. These kids may be overly clingy, complain of stomachaches or other ailments, or have meltdowns when parents try to drop them off.
“You might see kids crying or protesting going to school,” Rachel Busman a clinical psychologist at the Child Mind Institute told TODAY. “Or even, you might see some outbursts and a little more defiance than usual.”
The switch from the lazy days of summer to a hectic school schedule can be especially tough for kids starting middle school. These children are already having to deal with the changes brought on by burgeoning adolescence, and now they’re having to cope with very different academic expectations.
“The transition to middle school can also be an anxiety-provoking time for kids because of the academic pressures of more homework and a locker and changing classes,” Busman said. “There’s also the added pressure of the onset of puberty and also the pressure of trying to negotiate more nuanced social relationships.”
For high schoolers, the stresses may be turned up even higher. Friendships are becoming more complicated and peer pressure is amping up. Some are already worrying about college.
“So you’re looking at how they manage before a test,” Goodman told TODAY’s Savannah Guthrie. “Are they consumed by it? Are they avoiding their friends?”
At this age, “you are definitely seeing more of the problematic behaviors,” Busman said. “You see kids dabbling into dangerous behaviors such as smoking and drinking. That certainly doesn’t happen for every high schooler, but vulnerable teenagers certainly can go down those paths, especially when they’re trying to manage stress.”
Parents may feel they’re out of the woods when they drop their college freshmen at the dorm. But this can be a very wrenching time for teens who have been looking forward to the freedom for years, but now may feel very alone and isolated.
“Independence is a tricky thing,” Goodman said. “It’s the push-pull of wanting it and being terrified by it. It’s a very tricky time of life. The safety net is gone and the temptations are huge.”
As parents try to help their kids, they need to remember the example they’re setting, Goodman said.
“The number one thing is to monitor your own anxiety,” she explained. “Kids have anxiety radar. If [you’re anxious] you communicate, that this is a scary situation, number one, and number two, ‘I don’t have confidence that you can handle it.’”


“Music enters our bodies, commandeering the pulse in our veins, and reminds us that pleasure isn't a matter of feeling good but of feeling more alive.”--Holly Brubach

PLEASE STAY CONNECTED, BUT...
Don't let this happen to you:
"Lots of things are making people fat — what we eat, how we eat and a lack of exercise. Now a report tries to tease out the precise effect of technology such as the TVs and computer screens that keep us sitting still instead of moving around.

It comes up with a surprisingly consistent statistic: For every 10 percent rise in what a country spends on information and communications technology, there’s a 1 percent increase in obesity rates.

Technology doesn’t just keep people in their chairs and on sofas, according to the report from the nonprofit Milken Institute. It changes the way people eat, also – adding even more pounds than the lack of exercise alone would.

It’s not all bad news. The report also points to programs being run by employers and by state and local governments that can help counteract the effect, from installing bike lanes to providing free, healthy snacks at the office.

“Many factors contribute to obesity. In our research, we controlled for several independent variables: physical activity, caloric intake and type of diet, growth of urban population, carbon-dioxide emissions, women in the labor force, alcohol consumption, and smoking,” economist Anusuya Chatterjee and Ross DeVol, chief research officer at the Milken Institute, write in their report. They found a 1 percentage point increase in the number of physically active people can prevent a 0.2 percentage point rise in obesity.

DeVol says the report tries to get past common wisdom and put some actual numbers on the effect. “Common sense says if you sit around in front of the screen, don’t exercise while you are working, change your diet…you are going to gain weight,” he said in a telephone interview.

“There’s been little cross-country work showing the connection is a causal fashion as opposed to common sense.”

Chatterjee and DeVol studied the economies and obesity rates for 1988–2009 in 27 countries: Australia, Austria, Belgium, Canada, the Czech Republic, Denmark, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Ireland, Israel, Italy, Japan, South Korea, Mexico, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Poland, Portugal, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom, and the United States.

It took years. “It was a huge undertaking just trying to collect all this data,” DeVol says. But they came up with a fairly precise pattern. “For every 10 percentage point increase in information communications technology investment as a share of gross capital formation, the obesity rate climbs 1.4 percentage point on average—or roughly 4.2 million people in a nation the size of the United States,” Chatterjee and DeVol wrote.

“To reach that conclusion, we used the direct effect of less strenuous work and more sedentary home behaviors (1.0 percent), and the indirect effect of higher caloric consumption during screen-time activities (0.4 percent).”

The lag time? About five years or so, DeVol said.
The report looks at the 14 members of the Organization for Economic Cooperation and Development, which focuses on boosting economies. “All member nations of the Organisation for Economic Cooperation and Development (OECD) have witnessed greater prevalence of obesity in their populations over the past two decades, but the United States tops the list,” says the report.

“In America, about 1 in 3 adults (33.8 percent) is obese, followed by Mexico (30 percent), New Zealand (26.5 percent), Australia (24.6 percent), and Canada (24.2 percent).” More than two-thirds of Americans are either overweight or obese, which raises the risk of stroke, heart attack, diabetes, arthritis and several types of cancer.

Developed countries need to be aware, but DeVol said developing nations such as China and India should really take note. “When you start looking at just a 1 percent increase in obesity rates in a country like China, it translates into 10 million more people,” he said.

So what can help? The nonprofit think-tank’s report points to some approaches that have worked.

Dow Chemical, for example, pays for every penny of weight loss counseling for workers and their families, including face-to-face visits with dietitians and membership in groups such as Weight Watchers and Jenny Craig.

General Mills provides fitness facilities at many of its offices and factories. “Another innovation is the introduction of ‘nutrition centers’ at its research and development facilities that offer free healthy food,” the report reads.

Governments can do a lot as well. In the Netherlands, bicyclists have generous, separated lanes with their own traffic signals. Walk Denver is a non-profit group dedicated to helping people incorporate walking into their daily lives by making streets safer, providing shops and other attractions for walkers, and coordinating “walking school buses” to encourage children to walk to school.

“Employers must realize that they have a vested interest in providing behavioral modification counseling and offering financial and other incentives to workers,” the report says. “Governments must invest in infrastructure to induce biking. Policymakers must create policies and programs that encourage walking and physical activity overall.”

People need to be better educated about their health, and programs at the local level are essential, DeVol and Chatterjee say."

“I believe in love. I believe it transforms, transports, and transcends. I believe it fine-tunes goodness, solidifies strength, ripens resolve, eradicates rage, alleviates stress, and elevates empathy.”--
Lisa Kogan

BUT ALSO...JUST ORDINARY FOLKS
You know, at the recent Moebius Syndrome Conference, my wife and I were up late one evening chatting with a very nice couple from Canada, who have a son with Moebius.  And later on his mother said that she was so glad to have talked with us, because it reminded her that adults like us with Moebius Syndrome are, well, in a way regular folks, who have daily concerns and interests just like everyone else.  And it helped her to know that, because it gave her hope that her son, when he grew up, would be able to have a regular life like that (and it's only natural, I think, for parents of Moebius children, who often never encountered it or heard of it before their child had it, to wonder at first--what kind of a life will my child have?  Will it ever be normal?).

But what my friend Laura said there is true--we with Moebius have lives like everybody else, and it is good to remember that.  We have relationships, along with their ups and downs.   We have jobs.  We have interests and hobbies.  My wife is a librarian.  I teach history history in college.  A good friend of ours is a photographer.  Another works in the medical field.  When it comes to hobbies, I love to read, and I love following sports and my favorite teams (when the football season starts, you'll see me picking games on this blog).  A friend love to go dirt biking.  Another loves the Civil War.

So, yes, we have Moebius Syndrome, but Moebius Syndrome doesn't completely define who we are.  We have it, but we also have lives outside of it, and many, many of us have accomplishments outside of it.  If you have a child with Moebius Syndrome, if you are a teen with Moebius, believe us--there's a whole life ahead, and there's a lot that you or your child can do and accomplish.  Yes, we are regular folks with lives...and while that may sound boring and humdrum, the truth is that we shouldn't take it for granted.  Instead we should be glad of it. :+)

“Be daring, be different, be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers...”---Cecil Beaton (1904-1980)

THE VERDICT IS IN: COFFEE IS OK

Which, given that I was up at 4 in the morning today, is probably a good thing. Many of my Moebius friends enjoy some good coffee, so this is a good thing for them too:

" If you can't get through your day without a coffee break or two, here's good news for you: What scientists know so far suggests coffee may help you stay healthy.

As usual with medical research, the operative word is "may."

It's hard to know for sure whether coffee is really causing good effects -- lifestyles or behaviors associated with coffee consumption may also influence health. Also, different people have different tolerances for coffee -- it can have short-term side effects that make people steer clear of morning brews.

So, doctors aren't quite convinced enough to prescribe coffee -- but they probably don't need to, because so many people indulge in it anyway.

The point is: In general, regular coffee drinkers won't be discouraged from continuing the habit, although there are exceptions.

"For most people, for people who don't experience the side effects, the benefits far outweigh the risks," said Dr. Donald Hensrud of the Mayo Clinic.

Why would coffee be good?

More is known about the overall association between coffee and positive health effects than about the mechanism behind it, said Dr. Alberto Ascherio, professor of epidemiology and nutrition at the Harvard School of Public Health.

Antioxidants are one potential reason that good outcomes are seen from coffee. Our bodies produce oxygen radicals, which are damaging to DNA. Antioxidants prevent them from doing damage, Ascherio said.

Although antioxidants are found in fruits and vegetables, research has shown that coffee is the top source of antioxidants for Americans.

Caffeine itself may also contribute to coffee's positive effects on brain health. That may be because caffeine is an antagonist to adenosine receptors. These receptors normally slow down neural activity when the chemical adenosine binds to them, producing a sleepy feeling. But if caffeine binds to the receptors, the activity of neurons speeds up.

Coffee also appears to lower levels of insulin and estrogen, which is perhaps why a study last year found a lower risk of endometrial cancer in coffee-drinking women. Insulin also plays a role in prostate cancer, another disease coffee may help stave off.

Perfect your coffee pour-over

What good it may bring

The evidence is fairly strong for coffee preventing type II diabetes and Parkinson's, and reasonably good for antidepressant effects, too, doctors say.

Just in the last few months, several new studies have been published highlighting other possible benefits of coffee. Again, none of them prove that coffee causes any effects at all; they are just associations.

People who drink two 8-ounce cups of coffee daily appear to have an 11% lower risk of developing heart failure, compared to noncoffee drinkers. That's according to a meta-analysis published in June in the American Heart Association's journal Circulation: Heart Failure, based on pooling the results of five studies. The researchers did not take into account the strength of coffee, what time of day it was drunk, or whether it was caffeinated -- factors that could be related.

Coffee drinkers may also be protecting themselves against basal cell carcinoma, the most common form of skin cancer, according to a July report in the journal Cancer Research. Other caffeinated beverages also seemed to reduce the risk of this slow-growing cancer. But scientists don't yet know why this effect was observed.

Increased coffee consumption also is associated with longer life, according to Research in the New England Journal of Medicine. Again, no one knows what about coffee would make people live longer, but Ascherio theorizes it could be the protection against type II diabetes, Parkinson's, depression and suicidal tendencies.

Some of the strongest evidence comes from studies on type II diabetes. According to a 2009 meta-analysis, the risk of type II diabetes goes down with each cup of coffee consumed daily. Additionally, a 2007 meta-analysis found a correlation between increased coffee consumption and lower risk of liver cancer. But it's not enough to tell anyone who doesn't already drink coffee to start.

There have not been any large randomized controlled trials regarding coffee's health benefits, or even to see whether caffeinated or decaf is better for you. Without this kind of research, there will be uncertainty.

While perhaps scientifically interesting, such an investigation hasn't happened because of the economics involved, Ascherio said. A trial could cost in the tens of millions of dollars. Pharmaceutical companies aren't in the business of selling coffee, and coffee makers don't need a study to market their products -- people who like coffee buy it anyway.

 

How much coffee a person can drink daily varies widely; some people don't feel any side effects.

The optimal daily dose of coffee varies widely, depending on the person. Some can't drink it at all. Others tolerate six to eight cups a day.

As common sense might suggest, the greatest overall benefits appear to be in people who drink coffee at moderate levels: two to three cups a day. But there are exceptions: A May 2011 study found that men who drink six or more cups a day had a decreased risk of fatal prostate cancer.

The bad stuff

Coffee hasn't always been hailed as such a great thing. It's also not for everyone.

Doctors may never consider coffee a standard recommendation because of individuals' varying susceptibility to side effects, said Hensrud.

Those include headaches, insomnia, heartburn and palpitations, not to mention urinary urgency. People who get fast heartbeats may need to steer clear of caffeinated coffee, too. Others don't drink coffee because it irritates their stomachs.

Famously, coffee got a bad reputation from research in the early 1980s connecting it to pancreatic cancer. But more recent studies have not found the same link, according to the American Cancer Society.

Some studies in the past did not take into account the connection between drinking coffee and smoking cigarettes, which do contain carcinogens, Hensrud said.

Different people metabolize caffeine differently, so some people can have a cup of coffee at night and fall asleep right away, while others need to keep their distance from java for several hours before bedtime to avoid insomnia.

Coffee that's boiled -- popular in Scandinavia, for instance -- will increase bad cholesterol; espresso has the same effect, Hensrud said. But filtering regular coffee reduces those cholesterol-raising substances.

Also, of course, if you don't drink black coffee, cafes will gladly charge you for all kinds of additives to dilute the bitter flavor and strength.

Some milky, sugary coffees may contain upwards of 500 calories -- particularly if they begin with the sound "frap." So, if you think you're doing your body a favor with these treats, health detriments of the added calories and fat may cancel out coffee's magic.

The bottom line

While all the evidence taken together suggests benefits from coffee, the burden of proof still isn't quite strong enough, because these are associations, not a demonstration that coffee causes anything.

"For a public health recommendation, you've got to be pretty darn sure," Hensrud said.

If you don't particularly like coffee but you're thinking about starting to drink it, beware: A sudden change from no consumption can trigger bad consequences, just like doing a really hard workout after you've been a couch potato, Ascherio said. Both situations -- going from nothing to a lot -- can increase risk of heart attack and stroke.

So, if you do feel like trying coffee, start gradually, Ascherio said. It may be that people who experience negative side effects from coffee won't reap the same long-term benefits from it, anyway.

"If you consume coffee, enjoy it," Hensrud said. "But I wouldn't necessarily recommend taking it up if you don't like it."

“And as for the final sphere of love and friendship, I can only say it gets harder once the natural communities of college and hometown are gone...It takes work and commitment, demands toleration for human frailties, forgiveness for the inevitable disappointment and betrayals that come even with the best of relationships.”--Doris Kearns Goodwin (born 1943)

AMERICA IN THE AGE OF ANXIETY
Do you feel anxious sometimes?  Certainly persons with Moebius Syndrome know something about that--facing sudden changes, having to deal with persons whom you fear won't understand your condition--all those things can make anybody feel anxious.  And I think adding to it is that people with Moebius want to be successful, we want to lead both a successful and a normal life.  If we fear we're not attaining that, it stresses us out.  Thing is--we're not alone.  America right now is undergoing an epidemic of nervousness and stress--so what can you do about it?  Read on:
"We’ve become a very tense and anxious nation.

Millions of us are kept awake at night by racing thoughts and are so edgy during the day that our blood pressure skyrockets and our hearts pound -- even though there’s no real threat in sight.

Over the past three decades anxiety disorders have jumped more than 1,200 percent, with as many as 117 million adults in the U.S. reporting high levels of anxiety, studies indicate.

“Some experts point to our high-paced, stressful lifestyle as feeding fear, issuing in this new age of anxiety,” NBC news chief medical editor, Dr. Nancy Snyderman said. “I think we’re looking at almost the perfect storm. We’ve underdiagnosed it in the past and we’re probably overdiagnosing it now. We ramp it up in each other.”

Some manage on their own to cope with the tension, obsessive thoughts and sleepless nights. But many are disabled by their anxiety, unable to work or even go out in public.

“It can really lead an individual not to leave their home,” Dr. Moira Rynn, an associate professor of clinical psychiatry at the New York State Psychiatric Institute/ at Columbia University told TODAY. “It can lead individuals to lose their jobs. Anxiety becomes a problem when it’s keeping you from doing your everyday activities or functions.”

And therein lies the crux.

We were designed to feel some anxiety. Back when humans lived on the savannah as hunter-gatherers, they needed to be constantly on guard for threats. The world was a very dangerous place and if you were complacent you might be eaten by a wandering saber-toothed tiger.

So we evolved to have a very sensitive fight-or-flight response to get us out of the way when there was even a hint of a threat. Even in today’s world, that fight-or-flight response protects us, telling us to avoid the growling dog or jump out of the way of the car speeding our way.

Now that response can be sparked by stress from work and other problems of daily life. That doesn’t necessarily mean stress is bad.

“Stress is a natural motivator for people in the work force,” Snyderman said. “Stress is what helps us avoid trouble. But anxiety is what happens when it interferes with your normal workday. You’re afraid to leave the house. You have such rampant thoughts that you can’t get a project done. You’re lying in bed and you’re already worried about what’s going to happen the next day.”

Normal stress crosses into anxiety disorder when it causes a response “above and  beyond what’s expected,” Rynn said. “Someone who really feels that their mind is constantly on a sort of red alert.”

Anxiety can occur even when there’s no specific cause or trigger and anyone, even children, can develop the disorder. As Rynn noted, the main symptom is constant worry or tension over various issues, such as work or family problems, money or health.

According to the National Institutes of Health, anxiety symptoms include:

• Difficulty concentrating
• Fatigue
• Irritability
• Problems falling or staying asleep; restless sleep
• Restlessness; becoming easily startled

The jump in anxiety diagnoses has been linked to the modern American, fast-paced lifestyle and the drive to get ahead. One big driving force for anxiety, says psychiatrist Dr. Gail Saltz, is the gap between our high expectations and our ability to fulfill them.

People ask themselves, “How am I financially going to make it?” Saltz said on TODAY Monday. “How am I going to be as successful as I feel I should be?”The good news is that there are therapies that can help get an anxious person’s life back on track. For some, that may mean one of the many effective medications. But for others, it can simply be lifestyle changes and talk therapy.

“Anxiety and stress while interwoven can be easily treated,” Synderman said. “People sometimes reach for the medicine before they reach for the change in lifestyle. A lot of times it really takes stepping back for a day and saying what’s a real stressor? Do I have a place to sleep tonight? Do I have food on the table? Do I have a job? If you can answer those three things then many of the stressors frankly are not as big of a deal.”

It’s not just about getting perspective, Snyderman said. It’s also about lifestyle changes that minimize the daily stressors.

“Not only are we too plugged in, but also we don’t unplug enough,” she explained. “I would say to anybody: one hour before you go to bed at night, the TV goes off, the blackberry gets put away, you’re off the computer an that’s when you start reading. That’s when you tuck yourself in. Stressors and anxiety many times can be undone and taken out of one’s life.”   

“The purpose of education is to replace an empty mind with an open one. ”--Malcolm S. Forbes (1919-1990)

NEW WAYS TO COMMUNICATE
Hey, all you Moebius moms and dads--does your child with Moebius struggle to communicate?  Check out some of the new technology coming out these days that can help with things like this--such as this:
"Communication is an essential part of everyday life—but for those who are non-verbal, to be given the ability to speak is life changing. Breakthrough technology like touch screen apps are now giving stroke victims, individuals with autism and children like Enrique Mendez who has Down syndrome, a voice.
Enrique, 9, of New Jersey, primarily uses the app Proloquo2Go app to create speech by clicking on text and symbols.
“He definitely has a personality and we never knew it until this app, that he actually can have full conversations and dominate a conversation as well,” Diana Mendez, Enrique’s mother, told Foxnews.com.
The app’s developer, David Niemeijer, said he did not fully realize the impact the app would have on lives when he first came up with the idea, but meeting Enrique and his family exceeded his expectations.
“He [Enrique] is able to have more control of his life, is able to do more things that other kids do and get his message across and so he is much more empowered in a way,” Niemeijer said.
Proloquo2Go provides endless text-to-speech voices with a customizable library of more than 14,000 pictures and symbols, which users can configure from 9 to 36 buttons per page. The app comes with two pre-programmed vocabs to choose from, Core Word—most frequently used words in English, and Basic Communication—for new communicators depending on the personal needs and preferences of different users.
Enrique’s mom previously used other methods like sign language to communicate with her son, but said that limited the number of people he could communicate with.
“Now he can communicate with everyone,” she added.
“I want a pretzel,” Enrique said during the interview.
Another app that can be used as a communication device and teaching tool is See.Touch.Learn, which replaces traditional picture cards that have been used for years in educating children with special needs, with speech delays, pre-schoolers, individuals who suffered a stroke and more.
“It allows the teacher to create lessons using those pictures, the same way they used to do with traditional picture books, or index cards,” Jim McClafferty, developer and President of Brain Parade, LLC told Foxnews.com.
An example of what an interactive lesson might look like is a grouping of pictures that show faces both happy and sad. The exercise asks the user to choose the “happy” face.
“This would traditionally be done with the cards and the child would pick the card,” McClafferty said. A bell sounds when the user has chosen the correct answer.
See.Touch.Learn is used to not only teach new words and concepts, but to foster self-expression. McClafferty said the power of the app is in the community using it.
He added, “we’ve got over 200,000 users, in 104 countries right now that use the application, and we are going to let them share images,” creating an unlimited library.
Mendez said she is thankful that now Enrique is able to be a "normal" kid and interact with friends.
“I want a pretzel,” Enrique repeated.
Mendez smiled at her son and said, “Just like a typical child that will not stop asking you for what he wants until he gets what he wants . . . like a typical 9-year-old.”
“Thank you, gracias,” Enrique replied.
“I’m so glad you said that because I was just about to say your manners are unbelievable,” Mendez told her son.
Another highlight of incorporating the technology into their lives is that the family has learned so much about Enrique, like his favorite color and that he has a very silly side.
“Thank you, David for giving me a voice,” the iPad sounded, and the Mendez family cheered."

“Don't judge each day by the harvest you reap, but by the seeds that you plant.”---Robert Louis Stevenson (1850-1894)

JODIE FOSTER ON KRISTEN STEWART, THE PAPARAZZI, ETC
Now I know what you're thinking.  You probably think this kind of article is way off-topic for this kind of blog.  But I dunno...I just think this article is a very interesting, provocative look at an issue that's important in our culture today; and, going beyond that, remember what photographer Rick Guidotti said in his closing speech to our 2012 Moebius Conference?  He's shot supermodels, he's been a part of this showbiz/celebrities-obsessed culture we have today.  But he says what we need to do is to re-define how we see "beauty" today.  And we do--but also, maybe, what we also need to do is re-define what's important.  And maybe Jodie Foster can help us with that a bit.  Here's an excerpt from her piece:
"We’ve all seen the headlines at the check-out counter. “Kristen Stewart Caught.” We’ve all thumbed the glossy pages here and there. “Kris and Rob a couple?” We all catch the snaps. “I like that dress. I hate the hair. Cute couple. Bad shoes.” There’s no guilt in acknowledging the human interest in public linens. It’s as old as the hills. Lift up beautiful young people like gods and then pull them down to earth to gaze at their seams. See, they’re just like us. But we seldom consider the childhoods we unknowingly destroy in the process.

I have been an actress since I was 3 years old, 46 years to date. I have no memories of a childhood outside the public eye. I am told people look to me as a success story. Often complete strangers approach me and ask, How have you stayed so normal, so well-adjusted, so private? I usually lie and say, “Just boring I guess.” The truth is, like some curious radioactive mutant, I have invented my own gothic survival tools. I have fashioned rules to control the glaring eyes. Maybe I’ve organized my career choices to allow myself (and the ones I truly love) maximum personal dignity. And, yes, I have neurotically adapted to the gladiator sport of celebrity culture, the cruelty of a life lived as a moving target. In my era, through discipline and force of will, you could still manage to reach for a star-powered career and have the authenticity of a private life. Sure, you’d have to lose your spontaneity in the elaborate architecture. You’d have to learn to submerge beneath the foul air and breathe through a straw. But at least you could stand up and say, I will not willfully participate in my own exploitation. Not anymore. If I were a young actor or actress starting my career today in the new era of social media and its sanctioned hunting season, would I survive? Would I drown myself in drugs, sex, and parties? Would I be lost?

I’ve said it before and I will say it again: if I were a young actor today I would quit before I started. If I had to grow up in this media culture, I don’t think I could survive it emotionally. I would only hope that someone who loved me, really loved me, would put their arm around me and lead me away to safety. Sarah Tobias would never have danced before her rapists in The Accused. Clarice would never have shared the awful screaming of the lambs to Dr. Lecter. Another actress might surely have taken my place, opened her soul to create those characters, surrendered her vulnerabilities. But would she have survived the paparazzi peering into her windows, the online harassment, the public humiliations, without overdosing in a hotel room or sticking her face with needles until she became unrecognizable even to herself?
Acting is all about communicating vulnerability, allowing the truth inside yourself to shine through regardless of whether it looks foolish or shameful. To open and give yourself completely. It is an act of freedom, love, connection. Actors long to be known in the deepest way for their subtleties of character, for their imperfections, their complexities, their instincts, their willingness to fall. The more fearless you are, the more truthful the performance. How can you do that if you know you will be personally judged, skewered, betrayed? If you’re smart, you learn to willfully disassociate, to compartmentalize. Putting your emotions into a safety box definitely comes in handy when the public throws stones. The point is to survive, intact or not, whatever the emotional cost. Actors who become celebrities are supposed to be grateful for the public interest. After all, they’re getting paid. Just to set the record straight, a salary for a given on-screen performance does not include the right to invade anyone’s privacy, to destroy someone’s sense of self."

Read the whole thing...


“Adversity does not build character, it reveals it.”--James Lane Allen  (1849-1923)

ARE OUR CHILDREN TOO SPOILED?
I think all parents worry about this.  Are we too easy on our children?  Are we preparing them for life's trials?  At the same time, we want to meet their needs and we want them to have fun and excitement in their lives.  How do we achieve this balancing act?  Naturally, for all you Moebius moms and dads, this is a question of equal importance for you, too.  How do you meet your child's needs, yet prepare him or her for a life with Moebius Syndrome, for dealing with the (at times) cold, hard world?  So this article I found today has an interesting discussion of this topic, which I think will be of interest to all parents:
"A mother asked me last week whether I thought she was spoiling her child. It was the typical pediatric exam-room version of the question: In the weary, self-doubting voice of the recently postpartum, she wondered if it was right to pick up and feed her crying baby.
These days, a lot of parents are wondering about the spoiling question. A recent book review by Elizabeth Kolbert in The New Yorker compared American children unfavorably with the self-reliant and competent children of a tribe in the Peruvian Amazon; she discussed "the notion that we may be raising a generation of kids who can't, or at least won't, tie their own shoes."
A parenting column in The New York Times acknowledged that Ms. Kolbert's observations had struck home with many contemporary parents; more recently, an opinion piece advised parents to stop protecting their children from every disappointment.
We're clearly having another of those moments - and they do recur, across the generations - when parents worry that they're not doing their job and that the next generation is consequently in grave danger. In cultural convulsions about how spoiled the children are, disapproving adults look back fondly on the rigors of their own childhoods. But many of the same parents (and grandparents) who are now worrying were members of the generation that Vice President Spiro T. Agnew accused Dr. Benjamin Spock of having spoiled.
Indeed, the overprivileged and overindulged child was a stock character in 19th-century novels: As veteran governesses who presumably knew the territory, the Brontë sisters wrote powerful portraits of spoiled older children. The culture changes, but many of the battlegrounds remain the same.
In the pediatric office today, parents often bring up spoiling, as that mother did last week, in reference to young babies, sleep and feeding. It's as if the later, more confusing questions about how to respond to a child's demands crystallize in those early months when the new baby cries and the parents worry.
The official pediatric line - I said some version of this to that mother last week - is that you can't spoil babies by taking good care of them. But even that doesn't turn out to be simple.
"It's important to be there and to be responsive and responsible, but it also doesn't mean that you have to be totally at the whim of the baby," said Dr. Pamela High, a professor of pediatrics at Brown University and medical director of the Fussy Baby Clinic at the Brown Center for the Study of Children. "You're teaching them patterns and routine and regularity."
Parents can meet a baby's needs while still allowing her a chance to learn to settle down and sleep without being held. In a randomized study on babies with colic that was published this year by Dr. High's group, when parents got help with issues of feeding, sleep, routine and their own mental health, those colicky babies cried less and slept more.
As children get older, setting limits and establishing family routines and expectations gets more complicated. But it's still a question of balancing immediate gratification and larger life lessons.
It's also an area where we still feel comfortable and righteous blaming and judging other parents - and ourselves.
Problematic childhood behaviors once attributed to incompetent or destructive parenting are now understood to be hard-wired, set by genetics, reflecting neurological differences. We don't blame bad parenting for autism now, or A.D.H.D. But "spoiled" evokes traits and behaviors for which we're often quick to hold parents responsible.
As Roald Dahl put it in 1964 in "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory," "A girl can't spoil herself, you know."
Dr. Mark Bertin, a developmental behavioral pediatrician in Pleasantville, N.Y., affiliated with New York Medical College, sees a wide range of children with behavioral problems, teasing apart contributions of neurological wiring, temperament and family style.
Though parenting style is hard to study, he points to a body of research that cumulatively suggests that children benefit from strategies that build self-control and emotional resilience.
"We're talking about kids who aren't brought up with limits," he said. "We all want our kids to be happy moment to moment, but there are some skills you learn from growing up with limits and the opportunity to experience frustration."
The saying-no and limit-setting challenges for parents of young children often revolve around food, sleep and media. "By setting limits, we're teaching them what our values are and the way we think they can lead a happier, productive life," Dr. High said.
With older children, you get into the issue of stuff. "When I think of spoiling, you're talking about attention and you're talking about things," Dr. High said. "I don't think you can spoil with too much attention to what your kids are doing and thinking and suffering from, but I think you sometimes have to be careful about things."
You don't have to be wealthy to overindulge a child with stuff. And offering things that substitute for parental attention is particularly problematic. Is the child with a huge television in the bedroom and unfettered access to all screens overindulged - or neglected?
I can't tell you whether children today are more spoiled or whether more of them are spoiled. There are real differences in child-rearing over time, some reflecting the culture's larger trajectories of affluence and technology. But then there are also the recurring bouts of self-examination and self-criticism that reflect adult engagement with parenthood. Whatever the generation, responding to the wants and needs of children while trying to teach the lessons that will fortify their characters is a tricky assignment. We get it wrong some of time, no matter what we do."


“People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered. Forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives. Be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies. Succeed anyway. If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you. Be honest and sincere anyway. What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight. Create anyway. If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous. Be happy anyway. The good you do today, will often be forgotten. Do good anyway.Give the best you have, and it will never be enough. Give your best anyway.”--Mother Teresa (1910-1997)

LOOKING FOR A JOB?  HERE'S SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT...
I know there are those of you with Moebius Syndrome out there, looking for jobs, or looking for ways to improve your job situation.  How can you do it?  One way is:  improving your job-hunting skills, and indeed all your skills.  Here's some ways to do that:
"We all know the virtues of planning ahead. We put money into our retirement accounts, contribute to our kids' college funds and exercise to keep ourselves healthy. Yet, how often do you think about preparing for your next job?
Waiting until you're desperate to look for a job is like waiting until you're house is in foreclosure to start saving for a rainy day. The time to start your job hunt is now, when you're not looking.
The proactive job hunt is different than a regular job hunt. It's relaxed and informal, but it also has your end goal in mind: finding a better job.
Here are five ways to launch your search for a new job before you need one.
Becoming a job investigator. Pretty much everyone you meet has a job. So, take the time to ask them about theirs. Find out what they do, how they do it and if they like it. Ask questions about their company. Not only will it help you discover new career options, it will give you plenty of small talk fodder for all those awkward social situations you dread.
Prove yourself. There are so many non-work opportunities in which to prove your value as a potential employee. Whether it's through religious or civic organizations, through interactions with your kids' school or among the friends of friends, you can prove yourself to be a reliable hard worker by how you interact with different people and what you volunteer to do. Make sure you leave all the people you deal with with the impression that you're a good person to have on their team. You never know when they might know someone looking to hire a new employee.
Be choosy. Even if you're already employed, you should make a habit of looking at job listings. When you see one you're really interested in, send your resume. There's no harm in looking around and you just might find the job you're dreaming of while you still have the one that pays the bills.
Think. Use your time in your current job to observe what it is about your job that you don't like. Often it's the things you won't notice from the outside that drive you crazy at work. Make a list of those things and be ready to consult it the next time you go on a job interview.
Perfect your resume. Most people wait until they are looking for a job to start working on their resume. There's nothing worse than being in a panic and trying to remember the last name of a boss you had 20 years ago. Use your non-job search time to get your resume in good shape. And, remember, as your current job changes, make sure to update your resume to reflect your new responsibilities."


“You can’t put a limit on anything. The more you dream, the farther you get. ”--Michael Phelps (born 1985)

ON THE BULLYING FRONT:  ENCOURAGING NEWS?
Maybe cyber-bullying isn't as prevalent as many feared.  That's certainly good news for Moebius moms and dads:
"A new study suggests cyberbullying among adolescents and pre-teens may not be the epidemic many believe.  

In a presentation late last week to American Psychological Association, two nationally representative surveys totaling nearly 5,000 pre-teens and teens found that 17 percent said they’d been bullied on the Internet during the past year. While that at first may seem high, past studies had pegged the cyberbullying victim rateanywhere from 30 percent to as lofty as 72 percent.

“We assume it’s this overwhelming thing, that everybody’s being bullied and that it’s inescapable -- that’s not totally accurate,” says Michele Ybarra, research director at the nonprofit Center for Innovative Public Health Research in San Clemente, Calif.
Her analysis of the two surveysconducted by Harris Interactive of randomly selected, anonymous adolescents was focused on debunking assumptions of how young people are using the Internet and their experiences online. High-profile cases of youth suicides blamed on cyberbullying -- such as Tyler Clementi, the Rutgers University student who committed suicide after his roommate used a webcam to spy on his encounter with another man, or 15-year-old Phoebe Prince from western Massachusetts who took her own life after being targeted by hateful online messages --have helped fuel the impression that cyberbullying affects most young people.
“Because we’re seeing stories that are really serious,” Ybarra says, “it does give this sort of sense that it is happening all over the place.”
One leading cyberbullying expert, Dr. Joel Haber, lauds Ybarra’s painstaking work to finally accurately gauge the problem.
“What she tries to do is look at the bullying definition and see if it applies to cyberbullying,” says Haber, a clinical psychologist and authorbased in White Plains, N.Y., who has reviewed Ybarra’s research.
Indeed, there’s debate over what cyberbullying actually is. Traditional bullying involves repetitive episodes of abuse carried out by one person who is viewed to have more power, usually physical, over the victim. Ybarra has simply applied that narrow definition to cyberbullying to hone the statistics. But in the online world, power is also judged by status and digital popularity, such as having a higher number of Facebook friends.
“She’s trying to get to the bottom of the cyberbullying problem, which I have to give her credit for,” Haber says.
One reason for the lower-than-expected number could be that Ybarra, unlike other researchers, purposely omits cyber-harassment from her definition of cyberbullying. Unlike cyberbullying, online harassment is defined more as a one-time event. Haber agrees with that approach.
“Whether it’s kids being exclusionary online or being mean online, harassment happens more frequently than real cyberbullying, where somebody has more power over you and hurts you,” Haber says. “We can’t lump in all this stuff together.”
In the new study, as many as 41 percent of adolescents reported experiencing cyber-harassment, meaning those cases were more isolated or that the mean-spirited verbiage was sent by someone who didn’t hold any inherent power over the recipient.
Despite the new research, New Jersey mom Victoria Marin believes the 17 percent finding is lower than the true rate.
Her 10-year-old son was the target of a swarm of stinging texts after the fifth-grader with dyslexia mistakenly typed “hay” instead of “hey.”
“You are an idiot who shouldn’t have a cell phone,” read one message. “You are a retard who shouldn’t text anymore,” read another.
The “cyber campaign,” as his mother calls it, dragged on secretly for two months last fall, a private bullying war waged by other boys against an increasingly withdrawn victim. As the text assaults looped in more students, he was shunned from kickball games and lunch gatherings. Soon, his grades plummeted, headaches emerged, and he stopped talking. That's when his mother Victoria investigated her son's phone and discovered a blitz of vicious, undeleted messages.
The New Jersey mom immediately blocked the bullies, withdrew her so from classes and began home-schooling him.
“He’s afraid to go back,” his mother says.. “I would be putting him back into the same school, with the same kids.”
Victoria is convinced, "there more kids out there – like my son – who are not reporting it, even in a survey."
She continues. “How many of those kids are really telling what’s going on, or are they too afraid to report it? My son begged me: ‘Please don’t tell the teacher, don’t tell the school,’ because they always fear retaliation either from the school, the teacher or the bullies.
“Had I not gone through my son’s phone, I would have never known and it would have continued,” she adds. “And I would have just thought he was a quiet kid who didn’t want to go to school.”
Spotting, identifying and stopping true cyber-bullying is trickier than breaking up a playground fight between a bully and a victim, Haber said, because many online jabs lack tone and context. In other words, a remark from one teen to another that may be meant as sarcastic yet good-natured teasing may be misconstrued as harassment or as true bullying by some adolescents.
"Lots of kids report that other kids say mean or hurtful things online or that they purposely leave them out of group things online," Haber said. "But because they don’t have the context, they don’t know if it was intentional .... But one of the kids could still feel bad, could still believe they were being harassed," or even perhaps feel they were being bullied.
"Straight cyberbullying happens over time, and it's about power," Haber said."

I think we all certainly need to continue to be on the lookout, of course; bullying remains a problem in our society (I suspect it always has been; decades ago, we just didn't pay attention to it, and accepted it).  And certainly for a teen or pre-teen with Moebius, cyber-bullying is one way they could be targeted.  But maybe the study cited above gives us hope.



“I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, and stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong.”--Abraham Lincoln (1809-1865)