THE UPS--AND DOWNS--OF FACEBOOK
So many of us in the Moebius Syndrome/physical differences community are on Facebook now, or on some kind of interactive social media--and I think it's good.  It allows us to meet, interact with, and support others, who we may not have met otherwise.  I think when we talk of the Facebook community as a whole, many people do try to always sound upbeat, happy, and successful, and sometimes that's an attempt to mask what the reality really is.  Hiding the warts can take a toll.  I don't know that such happens quite as much in communities such as that around Moebius Syndrome, because we all know the realities that others in our group deal with, and we know we need not hide them.  Instead, we can seek support for them.  But if there are any folks out there who feel the need to pretend everything is OK when it isn't, this "Dear Abby" column today is a good reminder that--there's no need:
"Dear Abby: "Unsure Out West" (July 26) felt inadequate because she had no upbeat messages to send to her friends on Facebook. Please tell her she's not alone.

I attended a prestigious college, but 35 years later I also find myself with no job, in debt, battling depression and dealing with a host of phobias. I read the school's quarterly magazine and see my peers have great jobs, travel extensively and are happily married. I once sent in "news" that not everyone is so lucky and I am neither successful nor wealthy. It wasn't published.
When my FB friends ask how I am, I reply it's a difficult question to answer. I then ask about them and let them know I'm glad they're doing well. And when times get bad, I know I can deactivate my Facebook until I feel better.
"Friend in Massachusetts"
Dear "Friend": Thank you for writing to support "Unsure." Many people identified with her feelings. My newspaper readers comment:
Dear Abby: As a recovering survivor of severe childhood trauma, I can relate to "Unsure's" situation. I have college degrees, am married to a wonderful man and have two grown children. All my energy went into recovering from what happened to me. For years I felt ashamed I hadn't lived up to my potential, but it takes courage to recover from abuse or addiction. People who understand this view "Unsure" and me as successes in the things that really matter.
She should be honest, and as discreet as she wishes. When I have opened up, others have learned the realities of recovery and seen me as proof that it's possible. Too many suffer in silence. They need to know others have sought help and are healing.
Wendy in Texas
Dear Abby: While everyone brags about their kids, careers and wonderful lives, don't forget they, too, have put a "spin" on things. Nobody's life is perfect. We've all had our hardships. I have been in "Unsure's" shoes for several years (minus the great hubby), but Facebook has given me confidence and enabled me to meet people who share my interests. Accept yourself for who you are. Problems with alcohol or depression do not define you.
Amanda in Illinois ...
Dear Abby: I, too, was well-liked, active and graduated with honors. After college I became sick with a debilitating chronic illness that leaves me mostly homebound. When an old friend reaches out on Facebook, I ask how she's doing, we discuss common interests and I reveal my health struggles.
Yesterday I spent the afternoon with a friend I hadn't been in touch with for 17 years until Facebook reunited us. She accepted my limitations and showed incredible compassion and empathy. We caught up on mutual friends, hobbies AND my health. While not everyone will respond that way, it's worth finding those who will.
Emily in Pennsylvania "

"Everything you want is on the other side of fear." -Jack Canfield