I just thought this was interesting--a Washington Post writer below muses about what makes a good dad. Important for all of us who are or will be parents, and of course important for all of you out there parenting a Moebius child, too. Some good points below--pretty universal, applicable to a whole lot of parenting situations. See if you agree:
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For some reason I’m been thinking this week about fatherhood, and the
role of the Dad — not so much the joys of the job, which are many and
obvious, but the requirements, the ideal qualities, as viewed from the
progeny. What makes a good Dad? I don’t have the answer, but I bet some
of you folks out there have some ideas.
First, let’s be honest and admit that, as a rule, mothers are better
at motherhood than fathers are at fatherhood. You don’t hear about
deadbeat Moms and distant mothers. You don’t hear about Dad and Apple
Pie.
Or maybe I’m conflating closeness, the power of the bond, with good
parenting. Discuss. What’s certain is that fatherhood always carries
with it the possibility of uninvolvement, of abandonment, or
disinterest. Hard as it is to imagine for those of us lucky enough to be
close to our kids, some fathers don’t bond so well, and either take off
for the hills or just hole up in their mancave and pay little
attention. This is not something for which I have felt the need to
conduct personal research.
The converse can also happen: The distant father re-appearing, or
discovering for the first time that the child is interesting, and fun,
and smart, and someone with whom you could actually carry on a
conversation. The father-child relationship can evolve. You can work on
it. There’s hope. This, too, is something I did not need to learn about
from a textbook.
Fatherhood also evolves generationally, among a broad cohort of men
who discover new pleasures in care-giving that their own fathers didn’t
enjoy. Back in the day, a man was forgiven if he viewed a baby as
borderline radioactive. Now we live in a society where there are
diaper-changing tables in every men’s room at every airport (of course,
the guys stand around pointing at the thing laughing uproariously). I’d
like to think that Dads are doing a better job these days, in general.
(Another discussion point.)
So what is that job? I think it’s more than being available, or
cheering at soccer games, or taking a kid to visit colleges. A Dad is
supposed to be there for the heavy lift. He is the first to arrive and
the last to go in crunch time. His support has no waver in it; there is
no ambiguity about his feelings. He believes in the child, to the point
that he will let go, and trust the child to make a good decision. He is
not over-protective or meddling. He’s rational about likely risks and
calms unnecessary fears. He somehow makes the world less scary.
A good father is somehow just THERE, always, a reassuring presence —
even when he’s not there anymore, because of the rules of mortality, and
all you can do is hear his voice in your head.
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