*********************************
There are two types of people in this world: those who swoop up their accidentally dropped keys with no complaints and go along their merry way and those who, more often than not, can't pick them up without cursing or letting out a big, miserable sigh.
An insignificant
occurrence, yes, but it's often the mundane incidents (a whining child,
an on-the-fritz printer) that reveal how vastly different human
temperaments can be, says Michael D. Robinson, Ph.D., a professor of
psychology at North Dakota State University.
Some people take life's
small slights and setbacks with a shrug, while others freak out, blow
up, or fly off the proverbial handle in a loud huff or with silent
seething. Why such a yawning gap in behavior? This is a question that
scientists have only recently recognized as being significant to health.
Just as life's most
challenging experiences can flood the bloodstream with stress hormones,
the smallest hassles can take a toll as well, says Nancy Nicolson,
Ph.D., an associate professor of psychiatry and psychology at Maastricht
University in the Netherlands.
"The changes are small --
a 10 to 15% increase in cortisol levels in response to typical daily
annoyances, as opposed to a 100 percent or more increase during very
stressful events," like a college entrance exam. But these small
fluctuations "happen more frequently and can have a cumulative effect,"
says Nicolson.
Feeling chronically
stressed increases the risk of heart disease and weakens the immune
system. It can also compromise some types of memory and learning, says
Carmen Sandi, Ph.D., the director of the Brain Mind Institute at the
École Polytechnique Fédérale de Lausanne in Switzerland. If we could all
be more even-keeled (so we didn't sweat the small stuff), we would
enhance our physical and mental health.
Recent research suggests
that we can train ourselves to not sweat the small stuff. To be a more
even-keeled person, first you need to think like one, says Rosalind S.
Dorlen, Psy.D., a clinical psychologist in New Jersey. That means using
mental strategies that exercise the region of the brain that's
responsible for reasoning, so that it isn't overwhelmed by the part of
the brain that's involved in emoting. To do that takes practice.
Consider every irritating incident as a chance to work out the reasoning
area in your brain and you'll realize that what constitutes a stressor
is subjective and that little set-backs will ruin your day only if you
let them.
Real Simple presented a
few everyday nuisances to experts in the field of emotional regulation
and asked, "What would an even-keeled person do?" Here are their
answers.
You feel: Inconvenienced
The situation:
You put off your errands. You canceled your lunch date. All so you
could be home for the cable guy between 9 a.m. and 1 p.m. He never shows
up.
How to stay calm:
Reframe the circumstances. "Thinking differently calms down your
brain's emotional region," says James Gross, Ph.D., a professor of
psychology at Stanford University. For instance, if you spent your
morning lingering over coffee and the paper while waiting, try to view
this as a rare, unexpected luxury instead of a waste of time.
It's also helpful to
think of the big picture. As Dorlen puts it: "What's going on and how
you end up feeling depend on where you point the lens." Perhaps the
cable guy simply had more assignments than he could humanly keep up
with. This is not to say that you should let it go. You absolutely
should call the cable company and express your frustration. But by
readjusting your perspective, you can voice your displeasure in a less
angry way and still get results.
You feel: Defeated
The situation:
You've prepared for a presentation for weeks, but you end up blanking
on key points. Back at your desk, you're about to break down in tears as
you replay the episode in your head over and over again.
Stay in touch!
Don't miss out on the conversation we're having at CNN Living. Follow us on Twitter and Facebook for the latest stories and tell us what's influencing your life.
How to stay calm:
Focus on the present. After all, "it's never the stress-inducing event
that you're freaking out about," says Steven Berglas, Ph.D., a life
coach in Los Angeles. "It's what you're afraid might happen because of
it," whether that's being reprimanded by your boss or laughed at by your
colleagues.
But that's not real at
the moment; what's real is that you can take control of the situation.
Quell the angst with an impromptu meditation session. Rick Hanson,
Ph.D., a clinical psychologist in San Francisco and the author of
Hardwiring Happiness, suggests quietly taking a moment to breathe in and
two slow moments to breathe out. "Inhaling speeds up the heart rate,"
he says, "and exhaling slows it down."
At the same time, say to
yourself what you feel (I am upset), then let that label disappear from
view. "Naming your emotions as you're feeling them reduces the
activation of your emotional brain and engages your reasoning brain,"
says Hanson. Now you can focus on fixing the problem, which could be as
simple as sending out a recap memo on your presentation that includes a
summary and the points that you missed.
You feel: Anxious
The situation:
Your husband is running late (though he swore he would be on time). Now
you're going to be late for your appointment, and your toddler just
wiped his nose on your skirt.
How to stay calm:
Problem-solve. If even-keeled people rarely appear stressed, it's
because they're too busy looking for answers. A tardy spouse and a
soiled skirt aren't catastrophes to be cursed at but circumstances to be
fixed. Dorlen suggests asking yourself, immediately after the offending
incident happens, How am I going to solve this?
"Once you phrase the
question in your mind, you have awakened the reasoning portion of your
brain and put yourself in a position to find an answer," says Dorlen,
the clinical psychologist. "You're no longer the victim of your
emotions." Next, pretend that you're a coach with a game plan, such as
pulling on a clean skirt, taking your child with you, and texting your
husband to meet you at your appointment. Now take action.
You feel: Disrespected
The situation:
Somehow, your offer to bring back coffee for an office mate has turned
into an order for six complicated lattes. As you rattle off the list to
the barista, you notice that she is rolling her eyes.
How to stay calm:
Speak positively. To understand why this is important, it helps to know
a little brain anatomy. The brain is made up of cognitive and emotional
parts, and the emotional part is composed of various circuits, says
Andrew Newberg, M.D., director of research in integrative medicine at
Thomas Jefferson University Hospital, in Philadelphia.
These circuits include
the reward system, which reinforces positive experiences, and the
sympathetic nervous system, which connects the brain to the body and
issues a fight-or-flight response when you feel stressed. Positive words
(which we grew up associating with something pleasant, such as caring
teachers) activate the reward system. Negative words (which we associate
with something unpleasant, like playground bullies) spike angry or sad
thoughts.
So, if you're not
willing to let it go, say, with a good-natured laugh, "I know this long
order is annoying. I wish I had a shorter list, too," as opposed to
"Hey, you're rude!" The words will calm you, and they will also put the
other person in a more generous frame of mind. "Our emotional states
reflect those around us," says Newberg. If you speak pleasant words in a
calm tone, chances are, the other person will reply with pleasant words
in a calm tone. Starting the exchange in a peaceful way increases the
chance that you'll be sipping on your espresso sooner rather than later.
You feel: Disappointed
The situation: You've been planning this cocktail party for weeks. Now that the big day is here, it's snowing. Heavily.
How to stay calm: Embrace optimism. "Behind every setback, there's an expectation that things should be different," says Dorlen.
Even-keeled people are
no different, but when things don't go as planned, they feel hopeful
that circumstances will get better. Which in this case may mean
thinking, "with fewer people, our gathering will be much more intimate
and relaxed. And who doesn't love that on a cold winter's night?"
"Optimism buffers the
effects of stress—not only for everyday hassles but also for
life-altering challenges," says Madelon Peters, Ph.D., a professor of
experimental health psychology at Maastricht University. Optimism is
also associated with resilience. That's why optimists are better able to
bounce back after difficult times.
While it's tough for
natural-born pessimists to don rose-colored glasses instantly, they can
condition their brains so that it gets easier to do so over time. In a
2011 study published in the Journal of Behavior Therapy and Experimental
Psychiatry, women who participated for two weeks in an imagery and
writing exercise in which they imagined an optimal future reported a
sustained increase in optimism compared with those who wrote about
random topics.
To try this technique,
imagine yourself 10 years from now under the best possible, yet still
realistic, circumstances. Write down specific details. (Where do you
live? What do you love about your life?) Then spend five minutes each
day visualizing these details. "Imagery can create vivid and, in this
case, positive emotional responses. These images and associated emotions
end up living in your memory almost as if they were real," says Peters.
In the short term, compared with the world created in your mind, the
once unbelievably aggravating everyday letdowns may become small and
surmountable.
The biology of chill
Anyone can become more
even-keeled using the mental strategies on these pages, but naturally
irascible personalities might need to put in a little extra effort.
Temperament, after all, is partly genetic. Think of the brain as a
seesaw: On one side are the frontal lobes, the region associated with
reasoning; on the opposite side is the amygdala, where emotions, both
good and bad, are generated. In between, where the imaginary fulcrum
sits, is the anterior cingulate, which mediates the opposing forces.
In each person, one side
is inherently more influential than the other, explains neuro-scientist
Andrew Newberg, M.D. What results is a person's temperament (an
internal balance or emotional tone), which can shift further to one side
or the other depending on external forces. These forces can be
traumatic (a divorce), annoying (traffic), or health-related
(poor-quality sleep, inadequate nutrition—both of which can trigger
chemical changes that compromise brain activity).
For a hotheaded type,
whose brain already seesaws toward the emotional side, negative events
can exacerbate imbalance. For an even-keeled personality, the brain may
tip over to the emotional side only ever so slightly. No matter which
group you fall into, just a small push toward the reasoning area of the
brain can mean the difference between a run-in with a colleague that
ruins your entire weekend and one that you can leave at the office
without a second thought.
***********************************
No comments:
Post a Comment