BULLYING AWARENESS: CYBERBULLYING, COLLEGE LIFE, AND A NEW STUDY

You should of course read the story below for yourself; it is both sad and fascinating.  What I take away from it is:  bullying isn't something that merely happens in middle school or high school; it extends into the college years.  It affects many college-aged women (perhaps as many as 25% of them).  Obviously it can cause the high-profile suicides that we have all heard of; and those are horrible.  But don't forget also that, more often, even if it doesn't lead to death, it still can lead to depression, both among those being bullied and those doing the bullying.  It is a serious problem and, clearly, it is not going away.  Read more below and at the link:

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"I hope she sees this and kills herself." - message to Amanda Todd

"The world would be a better place without you." - message to Megan Meier

Infamous quotes from famous cases of teenage cyberbullying, each ending tragically with the victim taking her life. Heartbreaking cases like these galvanized research and today much more is known about the damaging effects of cyberbullying among middle and high school students -- including an increased risk for depression, substance abuse, suicidal thoughts, hostility and delinquency.

What about college students? After all, they're the most frequent users of digital technology and social media sites. Will their increased maturity and experience keep them safe?

Not so much, according to a new study from the University of Wisconsin. Questioning 265 girls enrolled in four colleges, researchers found college-age females just as likely to suffer the negative effects of cyberbullying as younger adolescents.

"That's a jump off the page," said study co-author Dr. Megan Moreno. "This is the type of bullying that is going beyond those childhood and adolescent years and into young adulthood."

The study found college girls who reported being cyberbullied were three times more likely to meet clinical criteria for depression. And if the cyberbullying was connected to unwanted sexual advances, the odds of depression doubled.

"A six-fold increase in the odds for depression when there was fallout from unwanted sexual advances or fallout from a romantic relationship was very striking," said Moreno. "These are not innocuous actions. These are actions that really can trigger depression and really can lead to damage to the people who are involved. "

A 2014 survey about online harassment by the Pew Research Center found 26% of 18-24 year-old-women say they've been stalked online, while 25% say they were the target of online sexual harassment.

"Some people have hypothesized that cyberbullying in that context -- unwanted sexual advances — really starts to look like it should be on the spectrum of sexual violence rather than bullying," said Moreno.

Cyberbullies suffer too. Girls who bully have a four times higher risk for depression than those who don't. The study also found they're also more likely to have a drinking problem.

"For problem alcohol abuse, it was really the bullies that struggled, and not the victims," said Moreno.

The study didn't take a look at other mental health impacts, such as suicidal thoughts. Moreno says that was deliberate.

"Those cases are so extreme — and they are so horrible — but at the same time what we were hearing [from girls] in our studies is this is something that is happening all the time to a lot of us and we want to know what else can happen," said Moreno.

"If we don't kill ourselves are we at risk for something else?" is a frequent question Moreno hears. "Is there something else bad that happens to me as a victim, or does something bad happen to that bully that's been picking on me?"

Girls who experience cyberbullying are encouraged to get help by visiting their college clinic to talk about their experience, their growing feelings of depression or their substance abuse.

"There are potential health impacts," says Moreno. "This should be in the public health arena. Girls should not feel like they can't go to clinic and talk about their feelings."

Atlanta advocate Helen Ho agrees. She's the founding director of Asian Americans Advancing Justice and spends a good deal of her time on cyberbullying issues. Research shows Asian Americans are digitally bullied at least four times as often as other ethnicities.

One of the frustrating things about being an advocate against cyberbullying," says Ho, "is that a lot of people don't realize how intense cyberbullying can be in this kind of high-technology age and the physical as well as mental impact it can have."

"For many of us who are adults and didn't grow up with online access, we can see that distinction between online and offline very clearly," adds Moreno. "But for youth, there isn't a distinction. We used to say either online or real world, and youth say 'No, no, you don't get it, online IS my real world'."

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FOR MOMS AND DADS, MOEBIUS AND OTHERWISE: CONTROVERSIAL COLUMN OF THE DAY

I think all moms and dads will find this column interesting; and certainly Moebius parents will too.  But you might also find that it inspires controversy.  Apparently a mom wrote a column last week in the Washington Post asking why dads don't seem to complain as much about parenting and its issues.  So today a dad wrote back; and argued that, yes, dads have the same struggles when it comes to parenting as do moms.  But he suggests that dads don't want to dwell on the complaints as much as some moms do (and of course hints that some moms maybe dwell too much on the negative).  True?  False?  What do you think?  Read it and see--it will definitely make you think:

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Last week, fellow On Parenting contributor Samantha Rodman wrote a piece entitled “Why don’t dads complain about parenthood like moms do?”As a hard working, always-striving-to-be-better proud poppa of a 2-year-old, these are fighting words.

Rodman begins by claiming, “I have yet to hear a dad complain this openly and honestly about his kids” and later says “If asked to commiserate about parenting…the average dad looks around like he’s on Candid Camera and gives a vague answer…”

Really? You’ve never heard a father say he’s had a tough morning with his kid, who wouldn’t stop throwing breakfast all over the dining room? Or that the little one kept him up all night and now he feels like he got run over by a truck? Or that he had to miss an important meeting to pick up his son at daycare because of a temperature? Or that he could use three fingers of scotch neat because he was worn down to a nub?

Perhaps dads don’t talk in the same way many mothers do, but we do talk about the problems we encounter as parents all the time. We talk to our partners, parents, friends and, yes, even our therapists. However, what we tend not to do is generally dwell on our problems, unless we’re looking to resolve an outstanding issue.

Here’s a recent example. I was talking to another dad, who mentioned it took forever to brush his child’s teeth because the kid wouldn’t sit still. We didn’t stand around working ourselves up into a lather. What’s the point? It solves nothing and I don’t think it makes anyone feel better either. Instead, we discussed potential new tactics for the father to try. And then we made plans to go out and get drinks.

Apparently, prolonged, multi-platform complaining about an issue without having any real desire to fix the problem is something to be encouraged and celebrated. Just read many of the blogs Rodman’s piece mentions, such asPeople I Want to Punch in the Throat and The Honest Toddler. Or even her own post, I’m Just Not That Into Toddlers, Including My Own. Why any parent would want to spend what little precious time they do have reading endless complaints from other parents is beyond me.

Rodman writes, “There needs to be a concurrent societal shift where men are encouraged not only to take on equal parenting responsibilities, but also to be able to openly discuss their flaws and weaknesses, their boredom, fatigue, and other complaints, without fearing castigation and categorical dismissal as bad, bumbling, or uninvolved dads.”

When I have the time to sit down with a fellow parent and catch up, I’d rather dwell on more uplifting topics. Parenting takes a lot of work, some of it admittedly tedious, so I’m looking for some escapism. Tell me about the great movie or engrossing novel I should be reading after my son goes to bed. Share a funny story about that weird guy at work who smells like liverwurst and has an action figure collection in his cubicle. Give me some ideas about where the family and I should go on our next vacation. Hell, let’s talk politics. Whatever we talk about, let’s not wallow in negativity.

One of the first things I learned about parenting is that both the people who love you the most and those who have never met you will judge you constantly. Being a mother or a father requires thick skin. If I took offense every time one of my parenting choices was questioned or criticized, I would probably be huddled in a corner sobbing. You can’t let those barbs destroy you or define you. Likewise, you can’t allow yourself to feel that being honest about the trials and tribulations of parenthood will make you look like a failure of a father. It will simply make you look human – and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Rodman ends her piece by writing, “If Daddy is going to be an equal parent, then Scary Daddy needs to be recognized and supported too.”

I don’t want to be Scary Daddy. That’s not the person who I want to be for my son or wife. I want to be Making It Work Daddy, Daddy Who Has His Stuff Together and Upbeat Through Good Times And Bad Daddy. I won’t succeed all the time – and sometimes I will fail spectacularly – but it sure beats complaining.

Martell is the author of several books, including his most recent: Freak Show Without a Tent: Swimming with Piranhas, Getting Stoned in Fiji and Other Family Vacations.  He tweets @nevinmartell.

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INSPIRATIONAL STORY OF THE DAY: A MOM CREATES A WORLD THAT EMBRACES CHILDREN WITH SPECIAL NEEDS

Read the story of Carrie McGee and her son Alex--Alex was born with Williams' Syndrome.  Their story and what it led them to create will inspire you:

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Carrie McGee is a mother of three. She graduated from Cornell University with a bachelor's degree in psychology and master's in health services administration. She left her career as a hospital executive in 1996 when she was told her firstborn, Alex, had Williams syndrome. Eight years later, Carrie founded Whole Children with other parents. The nonprofit provides support and programs for children with disabilities. The opinions in this article are solely based on the author.

Hadley, Massachusetts (CNN)When my son was born, I picked the name Alexander because the baby names book said it meant "Leader of Men," and I was sure he was destined for greatness. Here's how I pictured it: He would be very smart, win awards, go to a prestigious university and maybe even be famous.

At 5 months old, he still cried constantly, couldn't eat or sleep and wasn't really developing. And a heart condition was detected. His pediatrician suggested we have a geneticist look at him. It might be Williams syndrome, he said.

I didn't know enough to be frightened, until I went to the hospital library where I worked and looked up the definition. Of the 25 things that could accompany Williams syndrome, seeing the words "mental retardation" shattered me the most.

I pictured someone on the short school bus, rocking back and forth in the seat, watching the world through glass but not being allowed to be part of it.

Nope. That would not be our fate. We would beat Williams syndrome, just the two of us if we had to.

I quit my job, took Alex to therapy twice a day. His older stepbrother, Kush, and I worked with him at home when he wasn't in therapy.

Carrie McGee and her son, Alex. When Alex was diagnosed with Williams syndrome, she quit her job to care for him. 

 

As the years went by, Alex made progress, but at what cost? I became isolated and depressed. The other parents in our neighborhood made friends while their kids played together on the playground, but Alex couldn't walk or climb unattended. I wasn't about to let him sit in the wood chips by himself. We had work to do.

With each evaluation, more deficits were revealed. Every time, I asked what I could do to help my son. The professionals patted me on the head and told me to accept his limitations.

I dreamed of a place for Alex and I where there was laughter and happiness, where other parents who shared similar experiences could come together. I didn't want to choose between having friends and helping my son. I needed both.

By the time Alex was 4, I was a single parent. With my three sons, I moved from Philadelphia to Amherst, Massachusetts, where the schools included kids with special needs in their regular classrooms.

One by one, I met parents who were like me. One father would become my future husband.

We noticed that even though our kids were technically included in school, it wasn't true inclusion. They were invited in, but they didn't have the skills to participate. They were often standing on the sidelines watching because they couldn't keep up or understand the rules.

I shared my dream with my friends, and together we embarked on a journey to create a welcoming place where our kids would be understood and celebrated. In 2004, we opened Whole Children, a nonprofit where kids, teens and adults with disabilities can learn valuable skills to help them fully engage in the world around them. Instead of assuming every individual who walks through the door can follow complex directions, we support them as they are and teach them skills they need to be meaningfully included in their schools and communities.

The first year, we ran eight classes and served 26 families. Ten years later, we have around 75 classes a year, and we have grown to a community of 800 families. We laugh -- a lot. Our children have taught us not to be afraid of mistakes, so we've become fearless in our willingness to try.

We frequently fail, which is the secret of our success. We understand, and are helping our communities understand, how much these unique and incredible children will grow up and enrich our community.

It does not weaken us to make the effort to understand and include those who are different. It strengthens all of us.

Alex is now 18. He does ride a smaller bus to school, and he does rock. We didn't beat Williams syndrome because he still has it, but at some point, that goal just became irrelevant.

Alex is Alex. He is an accomplished musician who aspires to be a DJ. He is in his high school musical, has had starring roles in Whole Children's theater productions (everyone who wants a starring role gets one) and studies voice through a program at the University of Massachusetts.

He recently gave a talk to a group of delegates from Azerbaijan who came to the United States to learn ways to improve their educational services for people with disabilities. He made such an impression on them that when I traveled to Azerbaijan with a group of professionals to support their work, a delegate said, "Alex is known all over Azerbaijan."

So in a way, he did become famous.

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AWARENESS WATCH: SERVICE DOGS AND ACADEMY AWARDS ADS

Story one:  in a battle over a service dog, a school board is brought to heel:

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Stevie is a good dog. He doesn’t eat from the table or have accidents in the house. And he never pulls on his leash.

The white-and-tan Staffordshire terrier also has a special talent: He alerts caregivers when his little boy, Anthony Merchante, is going to have a seizure or has trouble breathing.

Anthony’s mother, Monica Alboniga, tried for two years to persuade the Broward County School Board in South Florida to permit Stevie, a trained service animal, to accompany the 7-year-old on campus. But school administrators repeatedly said Stevie didn’t belong at school. And they hoped that a Fort Lauderdale federal judge would agree with them.

Instead they got a scolding. Earlier this month, U.S. District Judge Beth Bloom ruled that Stevie should be allowed to join his human friend at Nob Hill Elementary — and without a series of requirements the school district had tacked on.

Stevie, Alboniga said, “has saved Anthony’s life. I feel completely safe every time he is with the dog, because I know the dog will look for help.”

As the lawsuit progressed in federal court, the school board allowed Stevie to go to school every day, but administrators continued to fight the case.

“The district has always permitted the service dog at the school,” said the district’s spokeswoman, Tracy Clark. Alboniga “pursued the lawsuit as the parties [the district and the plaintiff] differ somewhat in the interpretation of the federal regulations governing service animals. The district’s legal department is reviewing and analyzing the order.”

Had the district won, Alboniga’s lawyer said, 4-year-old Stevie almost certainly would have been expelled.

Anthony suffers from a host of serious disabilities: He has cerebral palsy, spastic paralysis, a seizure disorder, and he cannot speak. To get around, he depends on a wheelchair, to which Stevie is tethered most of the time.

Alboniga, 37, who is raising her son alone, paid to obtain and train a dog up to the specifications of Assistance Dog International Standards, records say. Stevie can aid caregivers in a variety of ways: He can step onto Anthony’s wheelchair and lay across the boy’s lap; once there, the dog is trained to help stabilize Anthony’s head so his airway isn’t impeded.

“Stevie was also trained to ‘tell’ or ‘alert’ human responders in the event that [Anthony] was experiencing a medical crisis,” Bloom wrote. The dog can jump on a sensor mat that activates an alarm, or bark to get the attention of caregivers. He also wears a red service dog vest that holds medical supplies, as well as detailed instructions on how to respond to medical emergencies.

“Stevie lets me know when he has seizures or problems breathing. He pushes me toward Anthony. He barks,” Alboniga said. “When Anthony is having convulsions, he starts barking and goes looking for us. Then he goes back to Anthony and stays with him.”

At home in Sunrise, Fla., Stevie is also a house pet, although he isn’t all that interested in Anthony’s baby sister, Mariangel, a 5-month-old, because he seems to intuitively understand that Anthony is his full-time job. “He loves Anthony,” Alboniga said. “And Anthony loves Stevie, too.”

“He is a very good dog,” Alboniga said. “He is very sweet, and very obedient. He is the best there is.”

All 50 pounds of Stevie rest next to Anthony in bed each night, and the boy and dog are virtually inseparable. That’s partly by design. It’s best if service animals spend almost all of their time with their “targets,” trainers say, and long separations diminish the animal’s “responsiveness and effectiveness,” Bloom wrote.

Alboniga first approached the school board in May 2013, and submitted a formal request for the dog two months later. In its reply in August 2013, the school board said Stevie must obtain a host of vaccinations that rarely are applied to dogs, required Alboniga to obtain costly liability insurance, and mandated that she provide, at her own expense, a “handler” for Stevie.

The requirements, said Alboniga’s lawyer, Matthew Dietz, amounted to “an impossible barrier,” and violated federal civil rights laws that give preference to the choices of people with disabilities. “The fact that the judge said the school board’s rules made no sense vindicates this woman’s belief that what she was doing for her son was the right thing,” Dietz said.

For the first four months that Anthony attended Nob Hill Elementary School as a kindergartner, beginning in August 2013, Alboniga worked, at the district’s requirement, as Stevie’s handler herself. Later, the school board appointed a custodian to work as Stevie’s handler. His responsibilities were “to walk Stevie alongside [Anthony] with a leash, instead of allowing Stevie to be attached” to the boy’s wheelchair, and to take the dog outside to urinate. The custodian also ensured that other children did not try to play with the dog.

“While at school,” the judge wrote, “Stevie does not eat or drink. Nor does Stevie defecate or make stains, or require cleaning or exercise.” Alboniga, the judge said, “attends to Stevie’s daily feeding, cleaning and care needs.”

But administrators continued to assert in the lawsuit that it was not the district’s responsibility to help the boy keep Stevie at school. Anthony’s “individual educational plan” — a detailed accounting of the school’s accommodations to the child — does not mention Anthony’s use of a service dog, Bloom wrote.

Anthony found a friend in the U.S. Department of Justice. The department’s civil rights division enforces the Americans with Disabilities Act, landmark legislation passed by Congress in 1990. Last month, the DOJ weighed in on the lawsuit, arguing that the school board “fundamentally misunderstands” ADA regulations, which require that “public entities generally must permit individuals with disabilities to be accompanied by their service animals.”

“Congress specifically intended that individuals with disabilities not be separated from their service animals, even in schools,” the DOJ wrote.

The school board contended that it wasn’t necessary for Stevie to accompany Anthony to school since the elementary’s staff already was trained to perform the same tasks as Stevie. The district also argued that, even if Stevie was permitted on Nob Hill’s campus under the ADA, it was not reasonable for the district to bear the costs of the dog’s handler.

The judge wrote that the dispute pivoted on whether it was reasonable to expect the district to allow Stevie on campus under the federal civil rights law.

The judge ruled that it was indeed reasonable, “in the same way a school would assist a non-disabled child to use the restroom, or assist a diabetic child with her insulin pump, or assist a physically disabled child employ her motorized wheelchair.”

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Good grief.  Those folks at that school ought to be ashamed of themselves.  Meanwhile--during the recent broadcast of the Academy Awards ceremonies, there was a TV ad shown designed to spark conversations concerning how persons with disabilities consume entertainment:

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A national television ad debuting during the Oscars is designed to spark conversation about how people with disabilities consume entertainment.

The 60-second spot for Comcast features a 7-year-old named Emily who was born blind describing what she sees in her mind when she watches her favorite movie, “The Wizard of Oz.” Visuals in the commercial recreate Emily’s version of the classic film.

The cable giant is using Emily’s story to hawk its new “talking guide,” which reads television program titles, network names, times and other details aloud so that users with visual disabilities and other special needs can independently navigate the TV experience.

“We want to create opportunities for people who love film and television, but who might not have the opportunity to experience it to its fullest,” said Tom Wlodkowski, Comcast’s vice president of accessibility who is blind himself. “By bringing the talking guide to as many people as possible, we can help to bridge that gap and make entertainment just as compelling, captivating and fun for people with a visual disability as it is for anyone else.”

Some of Hollywood’s top talent worked to make Emily’s version of Oz a reality and Academy Award winner Robert Redford does the voice-over for the advertisement, Comcast officials said.

Advertising during Sunday’s Academy Awards broadcast on ABC is big business, with the cost of a 30-second commercial reportedly fetching an average of $1.95 million.

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If you go to the link above, you can see the ad itself.  Good for Comcast.

HEALTH UPDATE: ARE YOU PART OF THE GREAT AMERICAN SLEEP RECESSION?

You really want the answer to that question to be "no."  But if you are missing some sleep, here's why the issue can be an important one, and here's what you should be aiming for.  Read on:

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I won't take it personally if you yawn while reading this story.

Chances are you're sleep deprived.

Sleep deprivation is such a rampant problem that last year the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention called insufficient sleep a public health epidemic.

Teenagers may be suffering the most. Researchers at Columbia University's Mailman School of Public Health called the problem "The Great Sleep Recession" in a new study published in the journal Pediatrics.

They surveyed more than 270,000 teens in eighth, 10th and 12th grades between 1991 and 2012 and found teens are getting less and less sleep.

The average amount is seven hours a day, which is two hours less than the nine hours they should be snoozing. African-American and Hispanic boys are the least likely to sleep enough. But why?

Katherine W. Keyes, lead researcher and assistant professor of epidemiology at Mailman, says researchers don't know. She and her team speculate that increased Internet and social media use is a factor as well as pressure and competition over the college admissions process.

Not everyone gets all their sleep at night though.

Babies and toddlers, for example, take naps to get it all in.

But a new study published in the journal Archives of Disease in Childhood says toddlers sleep better at night without the naps.

Australian researchers reviewed 26 previously published studies and found that napping beyond age 2 is linked to poor quality sleep at night. And, as many parents of toddlers will attest to, it can also lead to an array of stalling tactics and protests at bedtime.

The authors of the study say there is no scientific evidence to continue having children older than 2 nap and recommend discontinuing it, especially if the child has trouble sleeping at night.

We know not getting enough sleep causes all kinds of harm to our minds and bodies no matter your age. Study after study tell us so. Sleep deprivation causes us to eat more, it shrinks our brains, is linked to Type 2 diabetes, leads to slow reaction time that can impair driving and can even cause false memories. And that list could go on and on.

So how much sleep do we need? The National Sleep Foundation, recently issued new recommendations on how much sleep we should all be getting.

They are based on a review of research and a consensus from a group of 18 experts in sleep, science, physiology and medicine.

There are now nine age categories, some of them new. Anything more or less than the identified range is simply not recommended:

• Newborns (0 to 3 months) -- 14 to 17 hours per day

• Infants (4 to 11 months) -- 12 to 15 hours per day

• Toddlers (1 to 2 years old) -- 11 to 14 hours per day

• Preschoolers (3 to 5 years old) -- 11 to 14 hours per day

• School age (6 to 13 years old) -- 9 to 11 hours per day

• Teens (14 to 17 years old) -- 8 to 10 hours per day

• Younger adults (18 to 25 years old) -- 7 to 9 hours per day

• Adults (26 to 64 years old) -- 7 to 9 hours per day

• Older adults (65 and older) -- 7 to 8 hours per day

While there is plenty of research confirming all that goes wrong when you don't get enough sleep, there are also proven steps people can take to help fall asleep and sleep better once they do fall asleep. A new study published in the journal JAMA Internal Medicine says mindful meditation helps adults fall asleep and stay asleep.

Researchers at the University of Southern California, Los Angeles, randomly assigned 49 adults, age 55 and older, who experienced minor sleep disturbances, to one of two groups for one year.

One group was taught mindfulness meditation, which they practiced for 20 minutes per day.

The other group went through sleep hygiene education intervention, which changes daily behaviors and other factors believed to be causing sleep problems.

Those who used mindful meditation ended up sleeping better than those in the other group.

Of course, a larger study is needed to confirm this finding. But the idea of relaxation leading to better sleep is not so far-fetched. In fact, the National Sleep Foundation recommends a relaxing bedtime ritual and winding down before bed. Meditation certainly qualifies.

It also suggests waking up and going to bed at the same time every day, using bright lights to help wake up, avoiding naps and avoiding heavy meals, alcohol and cigarettes at night.

It's a lot to think about. Hopefully it won't keep you up, and you'll be having sweet dreams, and enough of them, in no time. 

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AWARENESS WATCH: AN OSCAR-CONTENDING SHORT FILM DEPICTS PARENTS COPING WITH CHILD'S RARE SYNDROME

Read more about it:

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A short film documenting the intimate thoughts and fears of a couple after learning that their baby was born with a rare disability is up for an Oscar.

Polish film student Tomasz Śliwiński and his wife Magda Hueckel turned the camera on themselves when they learned that their son Leo had congenital central hypoventilation syndrome, also known as Ondine’s Curse. The condition keeps the boy from breathing while he sleeps and means he will likely face a lifetime of relying on a ventilator.

“We really felt our life ended at that time,” Śliwiński told TODAY. “We thought we had to be locked at home with Leo, have no friends, so filming was therapy for us.”

Called “Our Curse,” the documentary follows the couple as they adjust during their son’s first months of life, coping with an array of medical equipment needed to keep the boy alive, confronting their own fears and learning to love Leo.

The footage includes frank conversations between Śliwiński and Hueckel on the couch in their Warsaw home with Śliwiński going so far as to express his concern that his son may commit suicide when he’s able to understand his disability.

Now 4, however, Śliwiński told TODAY that Leo is doing well and learning to speak and the family is moving forward.

“The therapy is over and we have to start living. It was natural we had to stop shooting this and start enjoying life as fully as we can,” the filmmaker said.

The 27-minute film is one of five nominated in the documentary short subject category. The winner will be announced at the Academy Awards on Sunday.

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One notes that the film is titled "Our Curse"; but I think the parents now realize that their son's life is not and will not be a curse.  Instead, his life, and theirs, has as much as value as anyone else's life, and it will be a good one.

FOR MOEBIUS ADULTS: MUSINGS ON THE "SCIENCE" OF ONLINE DATING

So I know that many of you in the Moebius adult community, if you are still single, want to find that special someone.  You want to date.  You want to find that significant other.  Some of you have been involved in the world of online dating.  You know how that goes:  you find your online dating site, and then you have to create your "profile"...and see if you get an responses, interest, virtual "winks", etc.  Well, it turns out that some research has been done on this.  What kind of profile will likely generate the most interest?  Read on...and I will then have some musings on all this below.  This comes from today's NY Times:

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One in 10 American adults is registered with an online dating service. The number of people looking to find love online has never been greater, but the wealth of options also means that singles can spend months combing through hundreds of profiles without ever securing a successful date.

Enter Sameer Chaudhry, an internist at the University of North Texas, who proposed a collaborative project with his friend Khalid Khan, a professor of women’s health and clinical epidemiology at Barts and the London School of Medicine and Dentistry.

Dr. Chaudhry’s dating life was stagnant, his online persona garnering no response from the women he reached out to. So Dr. Chaudhry asked Dr. Khan to help him research the data on attraction and persuasion in hopes of improving his odds.

The two combed through all of the scientific literature on the topic that they could find. They eventually settled on 86 studies that focused on factors that seem to transform computer-mediated interactions into real-world dates. They reported their findings recently in the journal Evidence Based Medicine.

As it turns out, success begins with picking a user name. While men are drawn to names linked to physical traits (e.g., Cutie), the researchers found, women prefer ones that indicate intelligence (e.g., Cultured). Both sexes respond well to playful names (e.g. Fun2bwith) and shy away from ones with negative connotations (e.g., Bugg).

User names that begin with letters from the first half of the alphabet do better than those from the latter half. “As human beings, we have a tendency to give things at the top of a pile more value,” Dr. Khan said.

The most successful online profiles featured content divided 70:30 between personal information and a description of the ideal desired partner, the scientists found. Honest, likable and succinct profiles written with a touch of humor — particularly those that did not self-aggrandize or use rhetorical flourishes — elicit the best results. Photographs showing the user smiling and standing in the center of the frame surrounded by others work best.

“Through evolution, the brain has developed ways of subconsciously responding to particular situations, including courtship behavior,” Dr. Khan said. “Online daters need to consider the impact of the information others immediately receive when clicking on their profile.”

As for Dr. Chaudhry, Dr. Khan added, the project paid off. He spent Valentine’s weekend in Rome with his sweetheart, whom he met online.

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Interesting stuff.  Now, though, for adults with Moebius, the article above does present one conundrum:  it says that the best picture for your profile will show you smiling.  But...most of us can't really smile.  What about that?

See, I think though that this creates an opportunity, not a problem.  I say, take the best picture of yourself that you can.  Take care.  Look neat.  Appearance can indeed be important.  (Meaning:  just because you cannot smile is no reason to look slovenly).  But no, you can't smile.  So put something in your profile that somehow indicates that you have Moebius, and what it means.  You want your profile to be succinct.  So don't write a dissertation on Moebius.  But sure...why hide it?

Sure, you have Moebius...but you're more than awesome.  And if someone is going to ignore your profile because you look a little different, then why would you want to be with that person anyway?  Some food for thought.  Good luck out there...