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Each year, more than 3.2 million students in the United States identify as victims of bullying. Tragically, that number doesn't even begin to address the individuals who experience harassment outside of educational institutions — in the workplace, on a team, or at a place of worship. That figure might seem surprising to some, but not to us. Our son Tyler, who ended his life five years ago, was a victim of cruel cyber-bullying. He put a face and a name to this epidemic.
Vicious, and at times debilitating, bullying is a routine fact of life for too many young people. This kind of harassment and humiliation leaves physical and emotional scars — sometimes for life — and can be a factor in truancy, substance abuse and suicide.
Since launching the Tyler Clementi Foundation in 2010, we've focused on boosting awareness around bullying. We need all Americans to know about the real cost of this kind of abuse. Part of this has been identifying and defining what to watch out for, since bullying takes on many forms — especially in the age of social media.
Over the last five years, we've traveled thousands of miles and met thousands of people who have been affected by bullying. We've been to the White House, athletic fields, middle schools and college campuses. These conversations have transcended political divisions and have included those who are new to the issue, as well as those who are skeptical that bullying even exists. If the sum of all of those conversations was to stay one bully's hand, give a second choice to a conflicted teen, or push one parent or teacher to intervene, then we've succeeded.Spreading awareness and pushing a conversation is valuable, and we are confident that our culture is moving in the right direction. But we've decided it's time to move to the next phase and actively push organizations to prevent this abuse before it happens.
Starting this summer, we are calling on individual students, teachers, managers and coaches — as well as colleges, universities and any institution that is responsible for molding young people — to take matters into their own hands, and put an end to bullying on Day One.
This effort, which we've named #Day1, is an effective, immediate and simple way to reduce bullying, harassment and humiliation. The program focuses on targeted intervention during orientation. Everyone should know, from the very first day they come to campus, that some forms of what has been deemed "socially acceptable" teasing or cruelty are unacceptable. This means that the cumulative damage of an anonymous mob piling onto a student repeatedly on Twitter and cruel or threatening taunts on a Facebook wall both constitute as bullying.
The more direct mean texts, and traditional forms such as ganging up on a student who may be socially awkward or poor at sports; or a boy or girl who seems different; or a student who may be a different race, religion or ethnicity — if they are made to feel isolated, less-than or physically or emotionally threatened — that's all bullying. In short, knowing what we know, knowing how high the stakes are, we can't say, "that's just harmless hazing," or "boys will be boys," any longer.
#Day1 does not cost taxpayer money, increase tuition or demand a fee. But it can change culture and produce positive outcomes in an instant. All it requires is a person in authority to clearly state that bullying or intimidation will not be tolerated and teach new stakeholders what to look out for. Once the rules are explained early in the tenure of new students, employees, or athletes, participants must verbally confirm that they understand.
Many psychological studies have highlighted something called a "bystander effect," showing that the larger the group, the less likely individuals are to act when they see someone being harmed. #Day1 works to interrupt this thinking by encouraging individuals to be "upstanders" — people who stand up for a victim and up to bullying.
The tragedy of our son Tyler's situation is that perhaps hundreds of people were aware that he was being bullied and said nothing. We hope that #Day1 will provide individuals like them with the resources they need to stand up to bullying when they see it, helping to prevent future tragedies.
Shifting our culture and changing attitudes about what is not acceptable behavior can be a painstaking and slow process. But it can also be as simple as having an initial conversation, setting an early example and empowering individuals to stand up for what is right. We are hopeful that in the new school year, teachers, coaches and campuses will adopt #Day1 as a foundational, inspirational, affirming start to their school year. We hope to see you in stadiums, classrooms and auditoriums — and we know that Tyler will be with us in spirit this year and through a lifetime of Day Ones.
Joseph and Jane Clementi founded The Tyler Clementi Foundation.
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