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(CNN) -- "Why aren't you dead?"
"You should die."
"Wait a minute, why are you still alive?"
"Go kill yourself."
It's impossible to
comprehend another human being, let alone a child, sending such hateful
messages to another person, but according to Polk County Sheriff Grady
Judd in Lakeland, Florida, these messages are all too real.
They were sent to 12-year-old Rebecca Sedwick, who ultimately jumped to her death in September,
he said. The messages didn't come via the social networking sites many
of us are familiar with: Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. They were sent
via newer, lesser-known social applications called Ask.fm and Kik, according to Judd.
"These apps are free, and
as a result ... you can either go up anonymously or create a fictitious
identification, and you can torment other children, and it is
frightening to see that occur," the sheriff said.
And now, two girls, ages
12 and 14, are charged with felony aggravated stalking in the case, the
sheriff told CNN Tuesday. "We take bullying and cyberbullying
exceptionally serious in this county and always have," he said in an
earlier interview.
Tricia Norman, Sedwick's
mother, thought she was doing everything she could to protect her
daughter from the bullying she was experiencing. She sent her to a
different school and closed down her Facebook page, according to the New York Times.
She had no idea her
daughter was using apps such as Ask.fm and Kik, and was being tormented
on the new platforms. "I had never even heard of them; I did go through
her phone but didn't even know," she told the Times.
"Even though (Rebecca)
was separated from the bullies because she was in a different school ...
ultimately they were able to get back and I don't know if it's pick at
each other but certainly say hateful things," said Judd, whose office is
investigating the case.
'Parents don't know about them'
In conversations with
law enforcement, educators, bullying experts and parents, it's clear
that while parents may be getting up to speed on some social networking
sites such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram, there are plenty of other
platforms popular with tweens and teens that parents don't know.
In addition to Ask.fm
and Kik, there's Voxer, which is a walkie-talkie-type app for messaging,
and Snapchat, which allows the sender to set a time limit for how long
recipients can view their photo, text or video messages. (Check out our
gallery above for other sites your teen might be using!)
"The biggest part of these sites is parents don't know about them," said Sue Scheff, author of the book "Wit's End: Advice and Resources for Saving Your Out-of-control Teen."
"What happens is a new
site, we won't find out about it until a tragedy happens but the kids
know about it," Scheff said. "It's as simple as that. No one really knew
a lot about Ask.fm until Rebecca died."
How children are using
the sites is a concern for parents and educators across the country.
Brian Lidle, the principal at Ann Simpson Davis Middle School in Dublin,
Ohio, said he's seen as many as a dozen cases of student harassment on
Kik during the past several months.
"It's just a very
difficult thing to see, a child being harassed by nameless, faceless
people and feel ganged up on," Lidle said. He said that the school has
gone to the authorities but that Kik has not shared information about
who is behind the harassing accounts.
"We were very frustrated
at that point, so what we decided to do is really get the parents in
the mix," Lidle said. "And as we get information in, I've been sharing
that with our parents through our e-mail list service and just to make
sure they know what apps are out there, what's happening to them."
In response to an
interview request from CNN, a Kik spokesman said the Canada-based
company "actively cooperates with law enforcement agencies all over the
world to help ensure the safety of our users."
"The safety and
well-being of our users is extremely important to us," spokesman Bob
Patterson said. He said the site has added new features over the past
few years, such as the ability to block other users without revealing
they've been blocked. The company also developed a parent guide to provide information about "how parents can help their teens ... have a great (and safe) experience on Kik."
"Kik has policies in
place to help us respond in the best way possible when something is
reported to us by one of our users, or if we are contacted by law
enforcement," Patterson added.
As for Ask.fm, in a statement, a spokesman said that in light of recent events, the Latvia-based company is working with online child safety expert Annie Mullins to review and update its safety and privacy policies to ensure that its "abuse and inappropriate content reporting systems are among the most effective in the industry."
"We are committed to
doing everything we can to protect our users and stamp out bullying or
any other kind of abuse. Sadly bullying can take place anywhere -- on or
offline -- so it is important we, parents and users work together to
fight it," the statement said.
"If a user sees
something that isn't appropriate before we do, we would ask that they
help us stand up to bullies by reporting it. Any complaints made about
this kind of abuse are prioritised automatically and will be dealt with
immediately."
Teens want to be 'validated'
Why are kids downloading
these apps? Sameer Hinduja, criminology professor at Florida Atlantic
University and co-director of the Cyberbullying Research Center, says
part of the appeal of platforms like Ask.fm -- where you create a
profile and allow people to ask you questions -- is the need for
affirmation.
"You need to be
validated when you're a teenager because you are wondering if you're
turning out OK, and so these sites completely meet that need," Hinduja
said. "Because it's like, 'This is so great. Someone asked me a
question. Someone took the time to visit my profile ... and like my
picture and leave a comment.'
Kids don't want to hear us preach and lecture about all of (technology's) evils. They will immediately tune out.
Sameer Hinduja, co-director of the Cyberbullying Research Center
Sameer Hinduja, co-director of the Cyberbullying Research Center
"I understand why kids
do it, but there's way more negatives than positives that could possibly
come out of it, and if I were raising a son or daughter, I would be
like, 'Why do you care so much about people asking you these questions
and demonstrating interest in you this way, because it opens you up for
more harassment,' " said Hinduja, co-author of "Words Wound: Delete Cyberbullying and Make Kindness Go Viral," a book for teens to be released in December.
If you are a parent and
you are slightly freaked right now, I can relate. I can't even imagine
what apps, sites and platforms will be around when my kids, who are 5
and 7, are in the middle and high school years.
But Hinduja, whose site has numerous resources for parents,
says parents can feel empowered rather than overwhelmed by being as
actively involved in their kids' online lives as they are in their
offline lives. That means being familiar with the technology but not
necessarily declaring sites like Ask.fm and Kik off-limits.
"Kids don't want to hear us preach and lecture about all of (technology's) evils. They will immediately tune out," Hinduja said.
The better approach, he
said, is to embrace the latest technology and strike up conversations
with your kids about it, asking them about stories of bullying and
harassment in the news.
"Constantly having these
conversations with kids so that they know their parent is not oblivious
to these issues goes such a long way," he said.
Lidle, the middle school principal, agrees and encourages parents to plunge fully into their kids' online world.
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"This is not our world
that kids are operating in," Lidle said. "They call us digital
immigrants. We have to immerse ourselves in what's going on in their
world, as uncomfortable as it is. Our kids are at stake, and we cannot
drop the vigilance of knowing what's going on in their worlds."
Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd said parents should also keep open communication with their kids' friends.
"A lot of times, you'll hear from your children's friends before you hear from your own child," he said.
'Say those few kind words'
Scheff, the parent advocate and author, believes parents and educators can also teach our kids to be "cybershields" for other children.
She wonders what might
have happened if any of the 15 or so kids believed to have been
cyberbullying Rebecca Sedwick decided to protect her instead.
"Wonder if they decided
... 'Hey listen, we can do something to be kind to this girl. Let's say
... your hair looks nice today. You look pretty today. Don't listen to
these girls. You have a reason to live. You don't have to do this. ...
Don't think you have to end your life,' " Scheff said.
"All it would take is a few words in the opposite way, and that's what (kids) need to learn, how to say those few kind words."
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