EVEN YOUNG CHILDREN KNOW...
...that they have reputations; and they are aware of how others see them.  What's the Moebius Syndrome tie-in?  Well, when I saw this story it made me think this:  that you parents of young children with Moebius should be aware that your child then, even at a young age, will know he or she is different and may know that other children see him or her as different.  They may not talk about it.  You never know when that will happen.  But likely, they will know (I think down deep I knew this, at a pretty young age, and that's why from a very young age I became shy and afraid of change).  Read on:
"Even 5-year-olds know to protect their reps. Children are more generous when they know their actions will be seen, according to a new study.

The findings, published Oct. 31 in the journal PLoS One, suggest that even kindergarteners have learned to play the social game and strategize ways to burnish their reputation. 

"Much like the patterns of charity we see in adults, donation tendencies in children appear to be driven by the amount of information available to others about their actions — for both adults and children, the more others know about their actions, the more likely they are to act generously," said study co-author and Yale University researcher Kristin Lyn Leimgruber in a statement.

Leimgruber's team gave 5-year-olds stickers and told them they could share one to four of them with another child of the same age. Some of the children could see their sharing partner, while others were hidden from view.

The team found that the children were stingier when the other youngster was hidden from them. The kids also hoarded more loot when they had to give stickers in an opaque box rather than a transparent one that showed what they were giving.

Overall, the kindergarteners were pretty selfish : Only those children who saw their partners and gave their stickers in a clear box consistently donated the maximum of four stickers.

Interestingly, past studies showed children were more generous than the current study.

"Previous studies that observe high levels of generosity may have inadvertently included the same audience and transparency cues," that motivate kids to share, the researchers wrote in the journal article."

"To each there comes in their lifetime a special moment when they are figuratively tapped on the shoulder and offered the chance to do a very special thing, unique to them and fitted to their talents.  What a tragedy if that moment finds them unprepared or unqualified for that which could have been their finest hour."--Sir Winston Churchill.

ANOTHER OF OUR OCCASIONAL REMINDERS OF WHY WE NEED TO BUILD AWARENESS DEPT
In New Mexico, an 8 year old developmentally disabled child is left home alone in a cage, and perhaps knocked out with drugs, while the mom and others in the house go out and enjoy a movie night.  The mom's boyfriends says he knew it was wrong, but, well...   Read more:
"LAS CRUCES — Despite concerns expressed by a son, a Las Cruces woman and her boyfriend left a developmentally disabled girl home alone, locked in what police described as a wooden cage, while they watched a movie.
Cindy Patriarchias, 33, and her 37-year-old live-in boyfriend Edmond Gonzales each have been charged with negligent child abuse, a third-degree felony, for what unfolded Friday evening, according to a criminal complaint filed Monday in Magistrate Court.
That evening, Patriarchias and Gonzales planned to take her three other children to a "movie night" at Columbia Elementary School, where she had worked and volunteered.
One of her sons told police that as the family prepared to leave their mobile home on of the 100 block of Mohawk, he offered to stay with the 8-year-old girl because she was asleep.
He told Patriarchias he was uncomfortable leaving her there alone, police reported. But court documents state Patriarchias told him the girl would be "fine" because "they weren't going to be out long and anyways (sic) she was asleep."
Police eventually arrested Patriarchias and Gonzales on Friday. She is out on bond. He remains in custody at Doña Ana County Detention Center.
A Las Cruces Public Schools spokesman wrote in an email Tuesday that Patriarchias was a part-time lunch monitor and volunteer at Columbia Elementary. He added that she "has been terminated" and is no longer allowed to volunteer at the school.   When asked if the termination came as
the result of the child abuse charges, the spokesman declined to answer, writing that the termination is a personnel matter. He added that Patriarchias did pass all LCPS background checks prior to employment.Patriarchias does not have any prior felony convictions in New Mexico, according to the state courts website.
Court records do show, however, that Patriarchias filed in 2007 for a kinship guardianship petition. The parents of the developmentally disabled child and another child living with Patriarchias are listed as respondents in that case. More detailed court records were not immediately available from the 3rd Judicial District Court.
Attorneys said kinship guardianships are often granted to family members of children, though they don't have to be related, New Mexico statutes state.
Children, Youth and Families Department spokesman Bobby Tafoya said Tuesday that the four children living in the home are in state custody.
Police said that Patriarchias had been trying to legally adopt the 8-year-old girl. Tafoya noted that while CYFD will help with the investigation, his agency has not previously worked with Patriarchias — she has never been a foster parent through the state, he said. Some custody issues, such as private adoptions and some guardianship transfers, don't go through CYFD.
Patriarchias' estranged husband told police he built the wooden cage, which contained a crib-sized mattress, "for her safety." He added that the girl has microcephaly — a rare neurological condition in which the child's head is significantly smaller than that of her peers — and the mental and physical abilities of a toddler.
The estranged husband said the girl had a tendency to leave a standard bed and get into "household cleaning supplies, medicine bottles and cabinets during the night," the criminal complaint states.
He added that while he lived at the mobile home they never used the modified bed for "punishment." He told police he moved out last Dec. 28, after the couple separated, but had returned five times since and had seen the girl in the cage for "misbehaving."
Gonzales told police that he had moved in Jan. 1, and that he knew leaving the girl at home alone was wrong, the complaint states.
It was the estranged husband who alerted authorities Friday, concerned for the welfare of the girl. He had met the rest of the family at Columbia Elementary and asked about her that night.
The other girl living at the mobile home told the estranged husband that the girl was at home because she was "misbehaving," and "mommy gave her some medicine to make her knock out."
That's when he stepped outside and called 911, according to the complaint.
An officer arrived nearly an hour before Patriarchias did. Once she let him in, he found the girl in the cage.
When the officer first saw the cage, the report states, he thought the family had dogs."

"For it is not light that is needed, but fire; it's not the gentle shower, but thunder.  We need the storm, the whirlwind, and the earthquake in our hearts."--Frederick Douglass

EMBRACING CHANGE
Change--changing jobs or careers; having to move to a new location; relationship changes--any major change can be tough for those of us with Moebius Syndrome.  When we find a comfort zone--with people, with family, with our surroundings or a workplace--we like to keep it.  Of course, change can be hard for anybody.  But sometimes we have to deal with it.  So how can we not only just deal with it, but also embrace it?  There are some good ideas here:
"When it came to change, my father had it licked. His motto was simply "Don't let it happen to you."

He proudly wore the same tie he'd had since college. He moved house just three times―ever. But his town and his life were epicenters of low upheaval.

For most of us, change is an unavoidable fact, something I (re)discovered when, several years back, I lost my job in a shrinking industry. Far from ruining my life, that seismic shift gave me the chance to do two things I had always hoped to do: live in India and learn a new language (Hindi).

In the process, I discovered a lot about how to survive when head-rattling transformations are thrust upon you. Here are some of the tricks I picked up along the way.

1. Don't just do something; sit there.
If you're facing a massive rescaling of your life, your first impulse will be to go into a whirring spin of activity, which is exactly what I did right after I was fired. I later discovered there's a lot of value to sitting quietly instead.

In the realm of language learning, there's a stage called the silent period: Adults may try to avoid going through it, but if you take a kid and plop her down in Paris for a spell, she'll naturally clam up for a few months. When she opens her mouth, her French will have flowered.

Making sense of a major change is a lot like that. You need to allow yourself a fallow period before you can blossom.

2. Mother yourself a little.
When familiar routines suddenly dissolve, it can seem as if all your supports are gone. For a while after I lost my job, I had the sense that I was in free fall. It's crucial, while absorbing the shock of the new, to make yourself feel well taken care of.

Prepare nutritious meals for the week ahead. If you can spare the cash, have someone come in and clean the house. Yes, you need to take some time for yourself, but don't let the pizza boxes pile up.

3. Ignore your inner reptile.
There's a part of the human mind that is often referred to as the "lizard brain," because it existed in even the earliest land animals. The lizard brain is concerned with survival; it likes the tried and true, so it's likely to pipe up right now, flooding you with adrenaline warnings of "Danger!" as you veer off course.

This was a handy function to have when deviating from the familiar path to the watering hole may have led to an encounter with a saber-toothed tiger. But in the modern world it's like a misfiring car alarm: pointless and annoying.

4. Silence your inner know-it-all, too.
When I interviewed the eminent linguist Alton Becker, I asked what makes someone good at languages. It helps not to be too smart, he said, explaining, "Smart people don't like having their minds changed, and to learn a language, you have to change your mind."

If you're so smart that you can't rethink your positions, all your IQ points won't do you much good when your life is turned upside down. Becker's advice applies across the board.

5. Seek out new perspectives.
Zen practitioners cultivate the "don't know" mind; they work to assume they don't know anything and in that way see the world fresh. This is a great way to approach change―as an opportunity to start anew, to consider all possibilities. Ask naive, wide-eyed questions of anyone who is doing anything you might be interested in trying. Listen seriously to arguments you might once have dismissed.

6. Try something new and slightly scary.
Why? Because now is the time to explore what it is that you really like. Catch yourself off-guard and see what happens.

At a time when I was feeling most stuck, I spontaneously volunteered to get up onstage at an open-mic storytelling evening in New York City. The experience was elating and terrifying and showed me that I wanted to lead a more creative life.

7. Be skeptical of common wisdom.
It's dangerous to live in the aggregate, especially when you're trying to figure out your next move. One year, everyone knows you need an M.B.A. to succeed at anything. The next, they're saying that there are no jobs out there anyway, so don't even try.

In my case, everyone but I knew that you can't learn a language at age 43. But since no one alerted me to that fact, that's what I set my sights on.

8. Learn to live with uncertainty.
When I began learning Hindi, my teacher encouraged me to get out and practice with native speakers in New York. I wound up asking a waiter for love (pyar) when I'd meant to request a cup (pyala). But in that way I inched into a new language. That anxious feeling does not signal that you're doing something wrong, only that you're trying something new.

9. Say "really?" a lot.
When you start to turn this sudden shift in your life to your advantage, you might shake up a lot of people, especially the ones who aren't happy with how they're living. To them, your efforts to move forward may feel like a glaring searchlight that needs to be switched off and fast. To their descriptions of the terrible fates that will surely befall you if you dive headlong into a new life, respond with "Really?"

Alternatively, "Oh, yeah?" works, too.

10. Shed your old skin.
Discard physical clutter, tired ideas, old routines. Seeing things through another's eyes can help.

I had that chance when the Hindi school I enrolled in asked me to list my daily requirements. I could honestly have said, "For the past 62 days, I've eaten pineapple sandwiches for breakfast: toast, butter, canned pineapple (sliced, not crushed). Bedtime: white-noise machine (surf, not rain), four pillows (two hard, two soft)." Instead I wrote, "None."

It's only when you have cast off what has been weighing you down that you can finally move on."

 

"A great goal in life is the only fortune worth finding."--Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis.

BRAIN TALK DEPT
Having trouble sleeping quite as soundly as you get older?  Having trouble remembering things?  There's a reason for that--and it's good to be aware of it, and of what you can do:
"Scientists have known for decades that the ability to remember newly learned information declines with age, but it was not clear why. A new study may provide part of the answer.

The report, posted online on Sunday by the journal Nature Neuroscience, suggests that structural brain changes occurring naturally over time interfere with sleep quality, which in turn blunts the ability to store memories for the long term.

Previous research had found that the prefrontal cortex, the brain region behind the forehead, tends to lose volume with age, and that part of this region helps sustain quality sleep, which is critical to consolidating new memories. But the new experiment, led by researchers at the University of California, Berkeley, is the first to directly link structural changes with sleep-related memory problems.

The findings suggest that one way to slow memory decline in aging adults is to improve sleep, specifically the so-called slow-wave phase, which constitutes about a quarter of a normal night’s slumber.

Doctors cannot reverse structural changes that occur with age any more than they can turn back time. But at least two groups are experimenting with electrical stimulation as a way to improve deep sleep in older people. By placing electrodes on the scalp, scientists can run a low current across the prefrontal area, essentially mimicking the shape of clean, high-quality slow waves.

The result: improved memory, at least in some studies. “There are also a number of other ways you can improve sleep, including exercise,” said Ken Paller, a professor of psychology and the director of the cognitive neuroscience program at Northwestern University, who was not involved in the research.

Dr. Paller said that a whole array of changes occurred across the brain during aging and that sleep was only one factor affecting memory function.

But he said the study told “a convincing story, I think: that atrophy is related to slow-wave sleep, which we know is related to memory performance. So it’s a contributing factor.”

In the study, the research team took brain images from 19 people of retirement age and from 18 people in their early 20s. It found that a brain area called the medial prefrontal cortex, roughly behind the middle of the forehead, was about one-third smaller on average in the older group than in the younger one — a difference due to natural atrophy over time, previous research suggests.

Before bedtime, the team had the two groups study a long list of words paired with nonsense syllables, like “action-siblis” and “arm-reconver.” The team used the nonwords because one type of memory that declines with age is for new, previously unseen information.

After training on the pairs for half an hour or so, the participants took a test on some of them. The young group outscored the older group by about 25 percent.

Then everyone went to bed — and bigger differences emerged. For one, the older group got only about a quarter of the amount of high-quality slow-wave sleep that the younger group did, as measured by the shape and consistency of electrical waves on an electroencephalogram machine, or EEG. It is thought that the brain moves memories from temporary to longer-term storage during this deep sleep.

On a second test, given in the morning, the younger group outscored the older group by about 55 percent. The estimated amount of atrophy in each person roughly predicted the difference between his or her evening and morning scores, the study found. Even seniors who were very sharp at night showed declines after sleeping.

“The analysis showed that the differences were due not to changes in capacity for memories, but to differences in sleep quality,” said Bryce A. Mander, a postdoctoral fellow at Berkeley and the lead author of the study. His co-authors included researchers from the California Pacific Medical Center in San Francisco; the University of California, San Diego; and the Lawrence Berkeley National Laboratory.

The findings do not imply that medial prefrontal atrophy is the only age-related change causing memory problems, said Matthew P. Walker, a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Berkeley and a co-author of the study.

“Essentially, with age, you lose tissue in this prefrontal area,” Dr. Walker said. “You get less quality deep sleep, and have less opportunity to consolidate new memories.”

 

"We are not creatures of circumstance; we are creators of circumstance."--Benjamin Disraeli.

 

 

WHOM DID IT HURT?
So for every Friday for weeks now, I've been able--just for a day--to devote my blog to some sports stuff--specifically, predicting football games.  I did that because--well, I just enjoy it, and I know many people with Moebius Syndrome or connected to it enjoy sports and follow football (just like other people--and that's something good to remember:  in so many ways, persons with Moebius are just like anybody else), and sometimes it's fun just to do something or talk about something that's not always so serious once in a while.

But this week, no football (though don't worry--I'll do the Super Bowl next week); but still, what I want to do from now on is still, on Fridays, use this blog space to talk about something to do with sports, and maybe it will be serious, or maybe it won't; maybe it will have a Moebius tie-in, or maybe not.  But that's what I want to do.

But this week the topic is a slightly serious one.  I wanted to throw something out there--echo something someone else has said, really--about this Manti Teo story.  Most of you have probably heard something about it.  And really, what does strike me about it is just this:  why all the anger?  Who exactly did this guy HURT???  Why all the condemnation being sent his way?  I do think there's an analogy to Moebius here.  Because you know, sometimes, ordinary folks sometimes seem irritated with persons who have Moebius Syndrome, too.  I've seen it.  You maybe have, too.  Some people don't like being around us.  They seem a bit tense or nervous when we're around.  I've always thought that this has something to do with the fact that some people have a hard time being around someone with a physical difference.  It bothers them.  They're not used to it.  They'd rather believe that everyone looks "normal."  They can only handle "normal."  They only want to see "normal."  So they don't like being around us, perhaps  (fortunately a lot of people are NOT like this).  But the question could be asked:  how am I hurting you?  Who do we hurt by looking different, being different?  Nobody.  Same with Manti Teo.  Here--here is the column I read that struck this note for me; it's written by an excellent columnist named Mitch Albom:

"It is a love triangle for the 21st Century: a real man, a fake woman and a bunch of Internet impostors. Still, I do not understand the anger directed at Notre Dame senior linebacker Manti Te'o. Whom did he hurt?

Yes, it is a bizarre story. As a freshman, Te'o says, he establishes a Facebook relationship with someone he believes is an attractive young woman named Lennay Kekua. He says he falls in love. He never actually sees Lennay, although he speaks to someone he believes to be her on the phone, comforts her when he believes she is ill and mourns her loss when he believes she is dead.
OK. As I said, bizarre. But not entirely without precedent. Centuries ago, people who never met courted through letters. Friends have been made through pen pals. Jailhouse romances blossom through correspondence.
Such things rarely get attention. And neither would Manti Te'o -- had we in the news media not insisted on turning him into a folk hero.
After all, there is no obligation for a Notre Dame football player to have his private life become a national conversation. Yet news that Te'o lost his girlfriend on the same day his grandmother died (the grandmother part is true) was too good to resist.
So Te'o was immediately asked about his heartbreak. He expressed grief over national television. People were moved. And the hero-making machinery was revved to full throttle.

The angst of being a 21-year-old

It is that machinery that is most angry. Sports Illustrated's Stewart Mandel wrote this Saturday:
"If Te'o truly wants to clear the air, he needs to sit down in front of a camera. He needs to show emotion, and he needs to show remorse. ... Many of his fans and followers still feel betrayed. He needs to apologize for his part in embellishing and perpetuating the myth of Kekua."
Really? Why? What does it matter? Did he take money from those fans? What did "the myth of Kekua" do except momentarily interest people? And we in the news media perpetuated it as much as he did.
Yes, it's strange that reporters might now require proof of existence for a dead loved one. But if you want to bang your fist, shouldn't it hit the table of the people who invented this fake woman, kept this hoax going, made up phony relatives and even phony details about a funeral? What kind of sick minds consider that fun?
Te'o, by nearly all accounts, apparently was duped for at least most of this affair. The fact that he may have learned about the deception days or weeks before publicly admitting it -- or that he lied to his father about once meeting the woman -- is regrettable, but not a crime. I imagine he was embarrassed. Ashamed. He had become almost legendary in a single season. Asking a 21-year-old to immediately and voluntarily undo that is unrealistic, even if it would have been more ethical.
But whom did he hurt? What did he take? Why should any of us be that involved in the love life of a 21-year-old stranger in the first place?
"I wasn't faking it," ESPN quoted Te'o as saying during a long, off-camera interview Friday. "I wasn't part of this."
Why do we all need to be?

A different world of romance

There is actually a much bigger issue here. In a computer world, people can portray themselves not as who they are, but who they want to be, and fall in love with others doing the same. It's as if our shadows are real and our real selves only a dark reflection.
Te'o is not the only victim of such ruses, which carry the nickname "catfishing." MTV already has a reality show about it. A "reality" show about being fake. If that's not an irony for our time, I don't know what is.
I feel sorry for Te'o -- not over this news media hailstorm (which will be over soon) but because he referred to his relationship with Lennay in a released statement as "what I thought to be an authentic relationship."
It's not authentic when you don't even meet. Nobody kept Te'o from visiting Lennay over the years, or insisting on seeing her -- long before he became a household name. Yet young people today live in such a virtual world, some actually consider romance a body-less enterprise.
Te'o said he would sleep with his phone next to him, his "girlfriend" on the line, which is sad, but still better than a college star who sleeps with lots of real women, then leaves them. Anyhow, it doesn't warrant such righteous anger. We are way too infatuated with other people's stories. Is it any wonder people keep embellishing them?"

"If you don't stick to your values when they are being tested, they're not values; they're hobbies."--Jon Stewart.

TODAY:  MOEBIUS SYNDROME AWARENESS DAY!
Well, so, today is the day:  January 24th is Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day, so chosen because it is the birthday of Paul Julius Moebius, the doctor who helped pin down and put a name to the condition that I and a number of others have.  To read more about MSAD and what it means, go here.   And to read more about Moebius Syndrome in general (if you somehow read this blog but haven't read about Moebius before!) then go here.

It's a special day.  And it's a special day for many reasons.  First, because Moebius is unusual.  We really don't know how many people in the world have it.  It may be 10,000 or less.  It may be 5000 or less.  But it's rare.  Whenever I talk about on the first day of class, or it comes up in other ways with those to whom I've never mentioned it before, most have never, ever heard of it.  But it exists.  It's a physical difference which affects thousands of people and their families.  We need to raise awareness of it.

Secondly, we need to raise this kind of awareness because there is still a lot of prejudice out there.  Many people see someone with a physical difference, and immediately assume that he or she must have an intellectual disability (the old word was "retarded").  But it's not true.  I have Moebiuis, and I have a Ph.D. in history.  Many others with it have great educations, good jobs, and brilliant accomplishments.  Physical differences don't mean what some people think they mean.

And thirdly, MSAD allows ordinary people with Moebius, and families affected by it, to act on their own to raise awareness.  To have fund-raisers, to go to news organizations and urge them to do a story on Moebius, to simply wear purple, emphasize that we with Moebius are here, are loud, are proud! :+)...and thus are empowered, and are able to educate people who might otherwise be in the dark.

So yes, Moebius Syndrome Awareness Day is here.  I have Moebius.  Many others do too.  And who knows--despite the obstacles it presents us, which we've talked about many times on this blog, maybe we're better people because of it.

"Our smiles are in our hearts."---Moebius Syndrome Foundation

INSPIRATIONAL STORY OF THE DAY
Maybe you've heard of this already, but it deserves all the pub it will get--a Houston waiter stands up for a boy with special needs.  Read how he did it, and why:
"A Houston waiter who refused to serve a customer last week did not lose his job. Instead, Michael Garcia is being celebrated for standing up for a little boy with Down syndrome, with people stopping to shake his hand at the restaurant where regulars are made to feel like part of the family.

Five-year-old Milo Castillo has lots of friends in preschool and loves to give hugs.

One of those regulars, Kim Castillo, was at Laurenzo’s Prime Rib in Houston last week when several waiters stopped by her table. Her 5-year-old son, Milo, who has Down syndrome and whose speech is a little delayed, was showing off his new words and talking about his birthday the week earlier.
A family sitting nearby asked to move away from  the Castillo family's table, and a man in the group made a disparaging remark about Milo.
“I heard the man say, ‘Special needs children need to be special somewhere else,’” Garcia told NBC affiliate KPRC-TV in. “My personal feelings took over, and I told him, ‘I’m not going to be able to serve you, Sir.’”
“‘How could you say that?’” Garcia said he asked the man before he left the restaurant with his party. “‘How could you say that about a beautiful 5-year-old angel?’”
Castillo, who noticed the family move but didn’t hear the remark, was grateful when she later found out what Garcia had done, even more so when she learned that the other family were regular customers as well.
“I was impressed that somebody would step out of their own comfort level and put their job on the line as well as to stand up for somebody else,” she said. “I know Michael did it from his heart, and from reacting to the situation. I don’t think he stopped and thought about what he was doing.”
Of the other family, she said, "It's sad that they're ignorant."
Castillo, 40, wrote in an online post that she has been taking Milo out to eat since he was born, and said her son, her only child with husband Eric, is better behaved than most children and was not misbehaving that night.

Courtesy Kim Castillo

Milo, age 5: His mom takes him out to restaurants frequently and says he's very well behaved.

“Was he loud?” she wrote. “Maybe a little in the moment, but honestly, the adults at our table were three times louder than he was. ... If he had been obnoxious, which like any other 5-year-old he can be, I wouldn’t have thought twice about the family asking to move.”
Garcia, who has worked at the restaurant for about two years, knew the Castillos, and has his own special way of greeting Milo. “Normally when they arrive, I pick him up at the door and carry him to the table,” Garcia told KPRC.
As news of Garcia’s action spread across the Internet, with praise for him on the restaurant’s Facebook page and elsewhere, customers have been seeking out Garcia.
“The business has just been huge,” said Candace Roberts, the Castillos' regular server at Laurenzo’s, adding that patrons are mentioning Garcia's story. “People are coming in to shake his hand and eat at our restaurant and loving it.”
Castillo said she has never heard anybody say something negative about her son, a boy who hates fighting, loves to hug and has lots of preschool chums, both with and without Down syndrome. But she said she has seen kids and adults stare at him or take “second and third glances,” and has witnessed parents pull their kids away from Milo on the playground.
“It’s just ignorance,” she said. “Kids aren’t going to catch anything from him.”
She hopes that the story of Garcia’s kindness will lead to greater tolerance for others, especially for those like Milo, who look different than other kids.
“It’s just impressive to see the outpouring of love and support,” she said, adding that she hopes the story encourages “people to stand up for other people who can’t stand up for themselves and that it's worth taking the risk.”
“Maybe next time they’ll think twice before they utter those words or say something derogatory about somebody else,” she said."

The most powerful agent of change is a change of heart.”--B.J. Marshal

ONLINE DATING AND A FORMULA FOR LOVE
At least, in one person's opinion.  But check this out--I know there are a number of persons with Moebius Syndrome who have tried meeting people online.  The key thing is, of course, that one must be careful.  But there are other keys to success, too, as this person found; read on:
"(CNN) -- This wasn't a part of the plan. At age 30, I was still single and had no exciting prospects.

Rebounding from a terrible breakup with my longtime boyfriend, I turned to online dating to find a suitable mate. I joined Match.com, eHarmony and JDate, a website for Jewish singles, and decided I would go out with whomever asked, as long as he didn't seem terrifying.

The first two dates were comically bad.

Date Number One asked me out to a really nice restaurant, then didn't offer to pay for (or even split!) the bill. He ordered a very expensive bottle of wine and two appetizers -- neither of which I got to enjoy -- before moving on to a three-course meal. While walking back to our cars, he suddenly diverted to a public park bench where he asked if I wanted a smoke. He then lit the shaggy end of a large marijuana joint right in front of an assortment of passersby. He mentioned something about his weed habit and impotence, but by then I was already running toward my car.

Date Number Two claimed to be an orthopedic surgeon, but about halfway into our cappuccinos I mentioned an elbow surgery I'd had and he said that his brother was an [sic] anesthologist. After struggling to say "anesthesiologist" two more times, my eyes drifted down to his forearms, where I noticed what looked like sawdust. As he got deep into the minutiae of mitering wood, it occurred to me that I was actually out on a date with a carpenter. And a lying one at that.

In less than a month of online dating, I came to understand that the algorithms used by dating sites are ineffective, in large part because they rely on user-generated data. Most of us tend to answer profile questions about ourselves that are either aspirational or, in my case, fast and minimal. Bad data in means bad data out, effectively crippling even the best algorithms.

I discovered that it was because of my online profile that I was going on bad dates. I didn't feel like answering question after question about myself, so instead I copied and pasted from my résumé:

About me: I'm the CEO of a digital strategy agency that solves strategic and operational problems related to emerging technology. I lead a brilliant team that advises a worldwide client base of Fortune 100 and Global 1000 companies, government agencies, media organizations and foundations.

There were too many other fields to complete. What were my favorite books? Best places I've visited? What I like to do for fun? I scrolled down to the "specialties" area of my résumé, copied all of the bullet points, and, skipping all the other sections, pasted them into the "Things I could never live without":

• Future of technology
• Emerging platforms
• Content management systems
• Monetization
• Fluency in Japanese
• Conversational ability in Mandarin
• Fluency in HTML, CSS, JavaScript, and other web languages

Of course it's obvious now how ridiculous it was for me to just slap together my online dating profile. I hadn't stopped to consider how badly I was representing myself during that critically important first-impression stage, where my digital self would be judged, without a filter or explanation, by potentially hundreds of men.

Yes, my online profile was bad, but I needed context. And if I were being honest with myself, I'd admit that I hadn't thought enough about my audience. For whom was I really searching?

What I discovered about successful online daters was astonishing, and it's emblematic of things I see people doing elsewhere on the Internet.
author Amy Webb on her quest online for love

To find out, I launched a short-term experiment.

First I created a giant list of 72 "ideal husband" characteristics. It included everything from "likes jazz, but only jazz from the 1920s to the late 1940s" to "must weigh 20 pounds more than me at all times" to "likes selected Broadway musicals: 'Chess,' 'Evita.' But not 'Cats.' Must not like 'Cats'!" Then, in order to prioritize my list, I applied weighted scores to the list of 72 characteristics. I also built a system to evaluate each and every man who I met. Unless he scored a minimum of 700 points, I'd refuse to go out with him, even once.

I also wanted to learn everything I could about my competition. So I created profiles of 10 male archetypes and spent a month as these men, interacting with 96 women, researching their methods and scraping data from their profiles.

What I discovered about successful online daters was astonishing, and it's emblematic of things I see people doing elsewhere on the Internet.

Among the highlights: Popular profiles used aspirational language, kept descriptions short and general, and lied about certain physical characteristics (though not the ones you're thinking).

Very early on, I'd used qualitative and quantitative analysis to evaluate language. I could clearly see that the best-performing profiles were those that read as easygoing, youthful and spontaneous.

Short profiles that express just enough information to pique someone's interest performed best. In my case, I'd written close to 900 words—a dissertation. That put me in the bottom 8% of all profiles I looked at.

What shocked me was how many women seemed to be lying about their height. All of the 96 women I interacted with listed their height as 5'1" - 5'3", even though the average height of an American woman is 5'4". Though it's not impossible that 100% of these women were below the average, it's statistically improbable.

Popular female daters were friendly and assertive, reaching out to my profiles with casual messages that would open with "Hey" or "Hi there" and follow with "I like that you [detail from profile]. I'm interested in [detail] too."

Shortly after I concluded my experiment on JDate, I logged back in with the super profile I'd created for myself. It was me, only optimized to attract the widest possible swath of men. More than 60 contacted me initially, but none crossed the necessary 700-point threshold.

If someone instant messages you while you're online, go ahead and IM back if you want.
Amy Webb on the 20-hour rule

Finally, after widening my geographic search to 100 miles, I found Brian. We chatted online and on the phone for three weeks and finally agreed to meet in person. Our first date lasted 14 hours, and for every date after I continued to marvel as his total point score increased.

I eventually showed him my 72-point list, explained the experiment and even revealed to him my scoring framework. He smiled and said that he'd expect nothing less of me. During our wedding vows, he promised to continue to score as high as he could for the rest of our lives together.

Amy's rules for online dating:

1. Use aspirational language. Keep language aspirational, positive and optimistic. Talk in generalities about your hopes, dreams and passions, as long as those things are not controversial. Keep your tone conversational and light.

2. Write succinctly. Keep your profile short but pithy. Aim for between 90 and 100 words, which works out to about three sentences. Choose your words carefully. If you're not a good writer, figure out the keywords and points you need to make, then ask a friend to help you out.

3. Use amazing photos. Photos should focus on your waist up, unless you have amazing legs. Then it's OK to include one or two full-body shots in your gallery. The majority of your photos should be closer up, highlighting your face. Make eye contact with the camera. Don't stage a smile. Instead, try to laugh just before the shot is taken.

4. Don't try to be funny. If you want to use humor, write whatever you're planning to say down and show it to some friends or co-workers. Have them read it aloud. With your tone of voice and inflection, it may be hilarious—but out of your friend's mouth it may fall flat or even be offensive.

5. Don't use specifics. Avoid mentioning specific comedians, shows, books, musicians or movies unless those are top-tier attributes on your list. It's possible to be generic about what you like while still being specific enough to sound interesting. Just because you like Louis C.K. or Larry David doesn't mean that a potential suitor does. Unless that comedian is one of your deal-breakers, leave him or her off your profile.

6. Avoid controversy. If you think there's something about what you've done in life that may be controversial or open for interpretation in a way that disadvantages you, then leave it off. I'm talking about political or activist work here, not things like jail time.

7. Downplay your accomplishments (but only initially). Women: if you've won a Pulitzer or climbed Mount Everest or for some reason own a jet, this is wonderful news—just don't share it online. These are the types of details to work into a conversation on your first or second date. If someone introduced himself to you at a party, would the next thing out of your mouth be items off your CV? Of course not, so don't act that way online. Most people don't want to see a list of what you've done unless they're hiring you for a job.

8. Flirt wisely. Be careful while flirting online, since it's easy to sound too aggressive too soon. The best way to flirt is to care deeply about whatever your date is saying and to focus all of your attention on him or her. We're flattered when people throw attention our way. So ask thoughtful questions. Take a keen interest in the conversation. Be enthusiastic. If you wouldn't use your cheesy line in person, don't use it digitally.

9. Use the 20 hour rule. If someone instant messages you while you're online, go ahead and IM back if you want. Otherwise, wait 20 to 23 hours between e-mail contacts for the first few messages. I found that successful daters waited that amount of time and as a result still seemed eager without coming off as desperate.

10. Don't act like a stalker. Avoid sending any messages while most people are sleeping, even if you're wide awake. Shoot for business hours or just after dinnertime."

"If I made it, it's half  because I was game enough to take a lot of punishment along the way and half because there were a lot of people who cared enough to help me."--Althea Gibson 

FRIDAY FOOTBALL PICKS

Last week I was 2-2 picking NFL playoff games.  I'm 6-2 so far for the playoffs.
Let's see if I can make it 8-2; there are just two big games to pick this week:

AFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
Baltimore Ravens at the New England Patriots.  My pick:  PATRIOTS.  Yep, just very difficult to pick against Brady and co.  Now, still, I do expect a close game.  Joe Flacco for the Ravens is playing some spectacular QB, and he, with the help of Ray Rice, will move the ball; and the Ravens undoubtedly have some emotion and momentum on their side, wanting to win one for the retiring Ray Lewis.  And the Ravens came oh so close just last year, at this time. to winning in Foxboro and going to the Super Bowl then.  But...again...it's the Patriots, Bill Belichick, and Tom Brady in their way.  Brady and that offense execute just so well.  Their defense has apparently improved.  The Pats are at home.  So--New England 34, Baltimore 31.

NFC CHAMPIONSHIP GAME
San Francisco 49ers at Atlanta Falcons.  My pick:  FALCONS.  And here I guess I go against the grain and pick an upset, because wow--I can't find any major analyst picking Atlanta here.  Even though they have home field advantage, a great regular season record, have been in the playoffs for several years in a row now, and this year have found many ways to win.  But, understandably, many are in love with the Niners, with that defense, and with Colin Kaepernick, their running QB.  And it is true--the Falcons have had trouble stopping running quarterbacks this year.  Yes, I know all that.  But:  I still think Kaepernick's lack of experience is going to come back to bite, especially here on the road, in a huge moment, in a very loud, raucous atmosphere (see for example what happened to Kaepernick in games at Seattle and at St. Louis earlier this year).  The Falcons have players and talent on their side of the ball, too; and now that they've found a way to win in the playoffs, that's got to boost their confidence.  Plus, with everyone seemingly picking San Fran in this one, the Falcons can use the "we're being disrespected" card.  It can give teams an extra oomph.  I just have a feeling this is the Falcons' time.  So, in an upset--Atlanta 31, San Fran 24.

"I didn't lose the gold.  I won the silver.--American Olympian Michelle Kwan.

WHEN YOUR DOCTOR DOESN'T LISTEN
Hey, now here's a piece I found today to which many of us in the Moebius community can relate--what happens when your doctor doesn't listen to you?  Sometimes, the results--unsurprisingly--might not be good.  And this is not merely important for persons with Moebius to think about when you go to the doctor; it's also important for parents of Moebius children to think about it.  Read on to see what I mean:

"Editor's note: Dr. Leana Wen and Dr. Joshua Kosowsky are emergency physicians at Harvard and co-authors of the new book, "When Doctors Don't Listen: How to Avoid Misdiagnoses and Unnecessary Tests." Follow them on Twitter: @drleanawen and @drkosowsky.

(CNN) -- Jerry goes through test after test, only to be told he has "chest pain." "Why can't my doctors tell me what's wrong?" he says.

Danielle has a headache. Her doctor orders a CAT scan and spinal tap. "Do I really need these tests?" she asks.

We are two ER physicians who see our patients becoming increasingly frustrated at getting more tests, but fewer answers.

Jerry's doctors are taught to not tell him what he has; Danielle doesn't necessarily need invasive tests, but she does need her doctor to listen to her.

Dr. Leana Wen

Dr. Joshua Kosowsky

The skyrocketing cost of health care is in the news every day: $2.7 trillion spent on health care, 18 cents of every dollar, with up to a third of medical costs wasted.

But the problem goes much deeper than cost. More than 100,000 Americans die from medical error every year, with the majority of error attributed to mistakes in diagnosis.

Every day, patients are going undiagnosed or misdiagnosed despite doctors' increasing reliance on tests, a large number of which are probably unnecessary.

Patients feel increasingly out of control and out of touch with their own health. Well-intended doctors try their best, but they, too, are trapped in a dysfunctional system, which, at least on the surface, appears to reward "cookbook medicine," which regards all individuals as alike, and punish good judgment.

How can we move past this stalemate? We believe that patients hold the key.

The patient empowerment movement has traditionally been focused on getting information to make better treatment decisions.

But taking control of your health care begins with something even more fundamental: You have to advocate for getting the diagnosis right. To do this, you have to speak up and be heard, so that your doctor can hear your story and partner with you to arrive at an accurate diagnosis.

The next time you are at the doctor, try our approach to building this partnership -- the 8 Pillars to Better Diagnosis:

1. Tell your whole story. Studies have shown that more than 80% of diagnoses can be made based on history alone. Unfortunately, doctors sometimes seem to want to steer you toward a cookbook "chief complaint" or a series of "yes/no" answers. Learn to tell a succinct, effective story. Prepare and rehearse it.

2. Assert yourself in the doctor's thought process. Find out what your doctor is thinking as you recount your history, and let your doctor know what's on your mind. If you're not starting out on the same wavelength, it's hard to develop that crucial partnership.

3. Participate in your physical exam. If you're being examined, make sure you know what the doctor is looking for. Don't be afraid to ask about the implications of any findings.

4. Make a differential diagnosis together. A "differential diagnosis" is just the list of all the possible diagnoses that could explain your symptoms. Make sure you and your doctor come up with a thorough list, with some estimate of the likelihood of each possible diagnosis. Keep asking what else could be going on.

5. Partner in the decision-making process. Devise a strategy with your doctor for narrowing down the list of possible diagnoses. By partnering with your doctor, you can often arrive at a working diagnosis without a lot of tests.

6. Apply tests rationally. If you do need to undergo further testing, you should understand how a particular test will help narrow down your differential and what the risks and alternatives are. Look out for "cookbook medicine," and make sure your doctor is tailoring an approach that works for you.

7. Use common sense. You shouldn't leave the doctor without a working diagnosis that makes sense to you. Don't just assume the doctor must be right. If the picture doesn't add up, go back to the drawing board.

8. Integrate diagnosis into the healing process. Talk through your diagnosis with your doctor and make sure you understand its predicted course. What treatment options do you have, and what risks and benefits do they carry? If your working diagnosis turns out to be wrong, what warning signs should you be on the lookout for?

Our "8 Pillars" approach empowers patients to participate with their doctors in the diagnostic process.

To be sure, doctors need to be more effective communicators, and we need a health care system that appropriately rewards partnerships with patients.

But patients can't afford to wait for doctors to improve and the health care system to be reformed. Your health, and that of your loved ones, is on the line.

It's up to you to take an active role and ensure that your doctor is listening. You can be, and must be, your own best advocate when it comes to partnering with your doctor and getting to the right diagnosis."

And as I said, this is also important for parents of children with Moebius to think about.  Because remember--it will be you not only who knows his or her child best; but often it will be you who knows the most about Moebius Syndrome, at least at first.  You may have to educate your doctor about it.  So when it comes to your child, you may have to do the same kinds of things as mentioned above--participate strongly in the examination process, help think through possible diagnoses, etc.  Don't hesitate to speak up!

"Sometimes there is nothing you can do, and in those times, you must do something anyway."--Garrison Keillor 

 

AUTISM UPDATE
Autism sometimes--though by no means always--can accompany Moebius Syndrome.  And so it is worth asking:  is it possible for some facets of autism to improve over time?  And if so, how?  Read on:
"A new study from the University of Connecticut suggests it’s actually possible for some children, accurately diagnosed with autism during early childhood, to lose their diagnosis as they get older.

So is it true? Can a child ‘outgrow’ autism?
I think the answer is ‘yes,’ and I say this out of personal experience, having cared for my son for the last 15 years. As many of you may know, my son was diagnosed with pervasive developmental disorder (PDD) at the age of 2, and ever since then, my entire life has been focused on his growth and development.  My wife and I have been very hands-on parents, and we have been very fortunate in being able to provide Ryan with early intervention treatment, which continues to this day.
However, I do see sides of his personality that have emerged, which are distinct and different from some of those autistic behaviors he had in the past.  And these positive changes were not completely due to the early intervention – but rather through his socialization with the family and friends at school.
One of the advantages that Ryan has had is that he has an older brother and a younger sister, both of whom are well aware of his limitations.  But as children themselves, they never allowed Ryan to be different.  I believe that positive peer pressure made Ryan realize he had to grow up and learn on his own.
So when I look at this new study, I tend to believe that for many kids on the spectrum, ‘growing out’ of autism is achievable.  However, another point the research makes – which I tend to agree with – is perhaps some of these kids who are classified as autistic are actually misclassified.
If you label a child as autistic, the decision should be made after very careful examination by multiple medical professionals, along with a thorough physical history to rule out many other factors, such as autoimmune diseases, fragile X or neurological problems.
I still believe that many children in the U.S. are not provided with the proper venue to get a correct diagnosis.  And unfortunately, once these children are diagnosed, early intervention becomes a bureaucratic nightmare for their parents.  So while this research may reveal new insight into how autism progresses throughout the course of a child’s life, it may also show it is time to re-examine how we label autism in this country.
During my many years here at Fox News, I’ve had the opportunity to interview many reputable autism experts. One thing I always come away with from our discussions is they all seem to have a sense of optimism about the outcomes for many of these children. So to me, these recent findings seem to be a continuum of that positive hope."

"Sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it becomes a memory."--Dr. Seuss

HEALTH NEWS:  ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT
Certainly many of us with Moebius Syndrome know what it is to be stressed.  First, we have to deal with all the day to day challenges that having Moebius presents to us.  Then we have to deal with the daily challenges of living that anyone faces in life!  It can all make us stressed.  But, as this interesting article points out, maybe an important thing we can do is this:  don't focus too much on the stress.  Have a good attitude.  Because believing one is stressed...can make you even more stressed!  Read on:
"As if being stressed weren't bad enough, thinking you're stressed might also cause serious problems. Turns out, perceived stress, or how much you think you're stressed, is associated with a higher risk of coronary heart disease, according to a new study published in the American Journal of Cardiology.
Researchers analyzed six studies to see how perceived stress affects your ticker. Each of the studies asked participants to self-report intense or frequent feelings of stress and then followed each participant for about 14 years to see if they were diagnosed with, hospitalized, or died from coronary heart disease. What they found: Participants who reported high levels of stress had a 27 percent higher risk of developing coronary heart disease. (Did you know you can lower anxiety with your diet? Try these 9 Stress-Relieving Foods.)
"When people say that they're stressed, it's a good indicator of how often they're experiencing the increased reactivity of their autonomic nervous system--the sort of flight-or-fight response that we think of as associated with stress," says Donald Edmondson, Ph.D., assistant professor of Behavioral Medicine at the Center for Behavioral Cardiovascular Health at the Columbia University Medical Center, and one of the study authors.
In other words, when our minds sense a need for action--which is what happens when we're faced with a stressful situation--our bodies "gear up" in preparation for some kind of response, he says. When this happens, adrenaline increases blood pressure to boost energy, which can strain your heart. Though this natural reaction dates back to our earliest ancestors, modern-day stressors don't require an immediate need for physical action. (Do you get stress headaches? Try these Yoga Moves to Beat Headaches, Back Pain, and More.)
"Today when we feel stressed it's not because we have to run away from a lion," he says. "It's because our boss is giving us more work than we think we can manage, or one of our family members is in need of care, and we're trying to juggle too many things at once. These are not things that require our bodies to do a lot, but our bodies still gear up to be active. That cardiovascular response is damaging."
So damaging that it can, over time, increase the wear-and-tear on the cardiovascular system, which can lead to heart hazards, like the development of plaques, plaque rupture, and cardiac events, he explains."

"The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be."--Ralph Waldo Emerson

HEALTH NEWS:  THE IMPORTANCE OF A "STOP" DAY
That iss--why it's important to take at least one day off a week from work, and not to be the classic "workaholic."  Because if you're not able to stop work for just one day, it might be a sign of sort of a more seriousl illness.  From a CNN interview--read on:
"For almost 2,000 years, Western culture stopped -- primarily on Sunday -- for about 24 hours. Even when I was a child, you couldn't buy gasoline, you couldn't buy milk. The drugstores weren't open. The only thing that was open was a hospital. Even in dairy farming country, we would milk cows, but we wouldn't bring in hay.

And so society just had a day where they put it in park. (That) was Sunday... until the last 30 years or so.

CNN: Why do you think taking one day off a week is so important?

Sleeth: We go 24/7 now, and I think it's having health consequences. I think more and more, there's a consensus that it leads to depression and anxiety.

It's interesting, when a doctor sits down and does a primary intake with a new patient, they ask about smoking, exercise and diet, but they don't ask how much you're working. They don't get any sense of if you're working seven days a week, or if you have time set aside -- like people have always had -- for rest.

I think the lack of rest is reflected in our saying, "We don't have enough time." I think it's pretty much generally felt that we don't have enough time to really get to the things we want to do in life.

Restoration travel to feed your soul

CNN: You write about incorporating a "stop day" into your weekly schedule. How do you think that can extend and enrich your life?

Sleeth: A "stop day" is a day you really cease from your labors. This really comes in Western cultures from the Ten Commandments. The fourth commandment tells us to remember the Sabbath. The word "Sabbath" simply means "to cease" -- to cease from your labors.

Now, the definition of labor has changed over the centuries and the millennia. For some people, resting from their labors might mean resting from their sedentary job that they have, putting on tennis shoes and going for a run. For those who work physically, that would mean coming to rest.

In the book "24/6," I don't try to define what rest is for a person, but I ask you to figure out what work is for you, and don't do it one day out of the week.

CNN: You go as far as to say that going full-throttle 24/7 is an illness. How do you recognize the signs?

Sleeth: I find that there's a growing epidemic, really, of depression. We're the most depressed country in the world.

The World Health Organization says somewhere between one in nine and one in 10 Americans are being treated for depression. We tend to work more hours than any other country in the world; Japan is second closest.

When we're constantly going, we pour out chemicals to try to meet those stresses. We have short-term stress hormones like adrenaline, and longer-term hormones like the steroids that we pour out. Those chemicals constantly being "on" are bad for us, and they lead to anxiety and depression and to, I think, diabetes and being obese.

It's interesting that if I took somebody in the emergency department and gave them a big slug of adrenaline, you'll find that an hour later they're just wiped out, and that'll really persist throughout the day. I think that's what we're doing to ourselves. We're constantly bringing stress into our life, and the idea of having one day a week that I can count on to stop is very reassuring.

Even if on Monday I'm very, very busy -- and that proceeds throughout the week -- if you know you have a habit of a weekly day of rest, of stopping, then you always know that's out in front of you. A lot of people "go" and never know when it is that they're going to come to rest.

CNN: You also say this mantra has made a big difference in your own life -- for you as well as your family. How so?

Sleeth: My family and I adopted this about a decade ago. My children were in high school, and they went through high school, college -- and my son even through medical school -- keeping one day of rest, where they didn't study.

They got their work done in advance. I think it actually helps you to order your life, because in preparing for that day of rest, you... actually get more things done on the six days that you are working.

So for our family, we took it very seriously. My kids really became the guardians of it when they lived at home, and they really wanted to see it happen. I think it actually helped us as a family.

I have many people that I've talked to now that have said that keeping one day of rest a week has been the single best thing they've done for their marriage, their family and their spiritual relationship."

“Nothing that had happened in the past could be taken away. This was an amazing gift. The past was done and over and settled; you couldn’t get it back, but still, whatever good you had gotten from it, spiritually, emotionally, would be yours for your lifetime.”
Nancy Werlin

FRIDAY FOOTBALL PICKS

This week--it's the divisional round of the NFL playoffs.  Last week I was 4-0 on the NFL games (5-1 overall) so let's see how it goes this week:

Green Bay at San Francisco.  My pick:  PACKERS.  Just a feeling here.  There's no question, the Niners have had an excellent year, backed up especially by a very sound defense.  The young QB Colin Kaepernick, inserted amidst some controversy by Coach Harbaugh, has for the most part played well.  But...he's got to go up in this game against Green Bay's Aaron Rodgers, who is playing well and has a ton more playoff experience.  Advantage:  Pack.  Plus the Packers are healthier now, and Kaepernick may well find out that playoff football is tougher than the regular season.  Go with the Pack here in an upset---Green Bay 21, San Francisco 17.

Seattle at Atlanta.  My pick:  FALCONS.  This is an interesting one.  If you've been listening to the analysts all week, so many of them like Seattle--they claim their run game and defense will hit Atlanta right where the Falcons have weaknesses.  They claim it's a bad matchup for Atlanta.  But:  the Falcons are at home.  They've had 2 weeks to rest up.  They know their playoff record these past few years hasn't been good--my guess is they're extremely motivated to do something about it.  They've also been listening all week to everybody saying the Seahawks have a great shot here--even more motivation.  And don't forget--Seattle had to fly cross-country last week to play.  This week they must do it again.  They got a bit banged-up last week.  This game starts at 1 pm EST--10 am Seattle time.  That can mess up the old body clock.  And don't forget--the Falcons have had an excellent season; they have a good team.  That's why they have home field advantage!  I like Atlanta here:  Falcons 24, Seahawks 14.

Houston at New England.  My pick:  PATRIOTS.  But...in a closer game than we saw a few weeks ago.  In that one, on a Monday night, New England blasted Houston 42-14.  I think the Texans learned from that.  I think they'll play much better in this game--don't forget, Arian Foster, Andre Johnson, Matt Schaub, J.J. Watt et al give the Texans plenty of weapons.  But how can you pick against a rested Tom Brady and Patriot squad playing at home?  One of the most remarkable things we saw all year in the NFL was Brady rallying the Patriots from that 31-3 deficit vs San Francisco a few Sunday nights ago.  The Pats lost that one; but I suspect Brady, in a tough fight, will find a way to win this one.  New England 31, Houston 27.

Baltimore at Denver.  My pick:  BRONCOS.  But in another tough game.  Denver beat the Ravens handily in Baltimore a few weeks ago.  I think Denver and Peyton Manning are the better team here.  But beware of the bye; at times in the past, Manning's teams (the Colts) struggled after a bye.  The Ravens will play their hearts out for Ray Lewis.   But the Ravens' defense has too many holes; it will not take long for Manning and the Broncos offense to find their rhythm again.  Ray Lewis himself likely will be tired in this game; the 2nd game after a long layoff for an older player like him is the toughest.  I think Denver will prevail in Mile High land.  Broncos 27, Ravens 17.

ONLINE AWARENESS
You know, many of us in the Moebius community are very much dialed in online.  We're on Facebook and other social media sites; we've got smartphones, we're on Twitter, etc.  And that's fine.  We've been able to use that to build a vibrant online Moebius Syndrome network, and through that we support each other and help each other.  We had needed that for a long time.  But...it's always good once in a while to remind ourselves that it's possible for there to be too much of a good thing.  Especially when it comes to your personal relationships.  Read on:
" Are you spending more time with your smartphone than with your partner -- even during romantic dates?

Technology allows us to be constantly connected to the world, but it can also make us even more disconnected from each other.

In fact, two recent studies show that cell phones can have a negative impact on close relationships.

Researchers from the University of Essex found that people who engaged in personal discussions when a cell phone was nearby -- even if neither was actually using it -- reported lower relationship quality and less trust for their partner. They also felt their partner was less empathetic to their concerns.

Other studies suggest that cell phones can distract our attention from the present moment. And that's a problem, considering the results of the Mobile Mindset Study, a recent survey that found three out of five U.S. smartphone users don't go more than hour without checking their gadgets.

Taken a few steps further, smartphones, tablets, and laptops -- and the social media they often support -- have the potential to tear couples apart.

 

I've talked before in this column about the capability of Facebook and other social media to threaten relationships: They provide a sense of instant gratification that stimulates our brain's reward centers, offering quick hits of novelty that can be downright addictive.

Plus, they allow us to connect with friends, co-workers, and even former flames, fostering an immediate and intense sense of intimacy that can lead us to romanticize these connections. At best, you're giving your energy to these digital distractions, not your partner. At worst, you could be setting the stage for emotional infidelity.

Of course, it's unrealistic to ditch your smartphone altogether, especially if you also need it for work. But there are things you can do to use it wisely -- and even help improve your relationship. Here are three tips for making technology work for you and your partner:

Set it aside. It should go without saying that cell phones are best kept out of sight and out of mind when you're on a date. Turn it off and place it in your bag or pocket for the duration -- the world won't end if you can't check your e-mail for an hour or two.

I also recommend shutting down phones, tablets and laptops at night, or at least charging them in a room other than your bedroom. Not only can they interfere with your ability to relax and unwind, but their distracting presence can also put a real crimp in intimacy.

Rethink social media. We've talked about the possible perils of connecting with your exes online. But I typically advise that you don't "friend" your partner, either. As Facebook friends, you have access to the most mundane parts of your significant other's day, from what he ate for lunch, to what new movies she wants to see. Talk about removing any sense of mystery!

If you do want to connect online as well as off, consider joining a digital service that helps foster togetherness. Best described as intimate online spaces for just you and your partner, programs like Between or TwoCup offer a place to share private memories, messages, and photos -- away from the prying eyes of others.

Make a sexy connection. Technology isn't all bad: It can actually bring you closer together -- and even add some spice to foreplay.

Use your smartphone to send your partner a sexy e-mail, voicemail message, or "sext" describing a fantasy or your plans with him or her for the evening. Engage in a little Skype or FaceTime flirtation, especially if one of you is out of town. Just a word of caution: Be sure to use personal, not company accounts.

Smartphones and other gadgets can clearly have a negative impact on your relationship -- but they don't have to. By learning to use them wisely, you can start to feel more connected to your partner than ever."

"I place a high moral value on the way people behave.  I find it repellent to have a lot, and to behave with anything other than courtesy in the old sense of the word--politeness of the heart, a gentleness of the spirit."--Fran Leibowitz

QUICK NEWS FLASH
You might want to follow ABC's "The Bachelor" this season.  I know, I know; what on earth for???  But check this out--one of the women vying for Sean's--the bachelor's--attentions this season is a woman with a disability of which those of us with Moebius can appreciate:
"Sarah, from Evergreen, Colo., mustered up the courage to talk to Lowe after fretting that she’s not good enough. Born with one arm, she touchingly told the camera that she assumes she doesn’t deserve what everyone else does. Lowe took a liking to her and offered her a rose during their one-on-one."

We'll see what happens...


"To accomplish great things, we must not only act, but also dream; not only plan, but also believe."--Anatole France.

BRAIN TALK DEPT
Noted brain expert Deepak Chopra has ideas on how to build an even better brain--and we're always all for that here...persons with Moebius always want better, stronger brains.  But how to do it?  Read on:
"There are many books on the market that focus on treating the brain like any other organ of the body. To improve the brain, they advise eating a balanced diet, getting enough sleep and avoiding toxins like alcohol and nicotine.

These are sound bits of advice, but in my own book, "Super Brain," written with professor Rudolph Tanzi of Harvard Medical School, the emphasis is on the brain's uniqueness. The secret to improving your brain is to understand that uniqueness.

The brain is the only organ that changes instantly according to how the mind relates to it. You can relate to your brain in positive or negative ways, and depending on which one you choose, your brain cells, neural pathways and areas of high and low activity will be altered.

In short, thinking your brain into better functioning is the most efficient way to improve it. (Other organs of the body also respond to positive and negative thinking, but their response must come through the brain first; it functions as command central for the rest of the body.)

 

Deepak Chopra

The best way to relate to your brain is to inspire it; the worst way is to ignore it. Since the brain embraces every thought, word and deed, the list of things under each heading is long but very much worth attending to. See which of the following applies to you.

How to inspire your brain

Take care of stress. Avoid dulling routine. Do something creative every day. Read poetry, spiritual material or anything else that makes you feel uplifted. Take time to be in nature. Bond with another person who is heartwarming. Pay attention to being happy. Make sure you take time every day by yourself to relax, meditate and self-reflect. Deal with negative emotions like anger and anxiety. Focus on activity that makes you feel fulfilled. Give of yourself. Follow a personal vision. Attach yourself to a cause that is bigger than you are. Take the risk to love and be loved.

How to ignore your brain

Get set in your ways. Don't look beyond your opinions, likes and dislikes. Isolate yourself from others. Take relationships for granted. Reconcile yourself to going downhill as you age. Look upon the past as the best time of your life. Forget about having ideals. Act on selfish impulses. Don't examine what makes you tick. Give in to anger and anxiety. Let life take care of itself. Go along to get along. Assume that you are automatically right. Avoid anything new or challenging. Put up with stress. Take no emotional risks. Distract yourself with mindless diversions like watching sports for hours on end.

The difference between these two lists is pretty stark. In one case, you are approaching the brain as if it had great untapped potential. In the other, you assume that the brain runs on automatic pilot.

It is undeniable that the brain is endlessly adaptable. It turns into whatever you expect it to be. So how you relate to your brain is never passive; you are always instructing it to function in a certain way. Thus the whole package of beliefs, expectations, likes and dislikes that you hold inside are creating change -- or blocking it -- at the level of brain circuitry.

Needless to say, it's better to inspire your brain than to ignore it. Potential is a terrible thing to waste.

The first step in forming a better relationship with your brain is to realize that you have a relationship. Once you realize this, you can choose to pay attention to the relationship and nurture it. You are in on a secret that escapes countless people. Take advantage of it."

"The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others."--Mohandas Gandhi.

FRIDAY FOOTBALL PICKS!!
It's that time again; I went 9-7 last week, and am now 127-125-7 for the year.
Let's do some NFL playoff picks and a few bowl picks...see if I can finish
the year strong!

NFL WILD CARD WEEKEND

I'll just pick winners here, and give a projected score...

Minnesota at Green Bay.  My pick:  PACKERS.  Minnesota did a great job last weekend at home; they after all had a bit more to play for; for the Vikes, it was win or go home.  But this weekend, it's a different animal.  Now,it's at Lambeau; Christian Ponder has not historically played well there.  Aaron Rodgers of course does.  I just think in a playoff game, at Lambeau, Green Bay has too big
of an edge at QB, plus they have a healthy Randall Cobb returning to help their offense.  Adrian Peterson is a great RB; he'll get his yards.  But I like Rodgers to play well, and to direct the Pack to a win--say 31-17.

Seattle at Washington.  My pick:  SEAHAWKS.  To me it comes down to:  Seattle has a better defense; and in the NFL playoffs, defense is a huge factor in determining ultimate winners.  RGIII has had a great year.  But you worry about his banged-up knee; he just doesn't have that burst.  I don't see the Redskins running the ball against Seattle like they did against the Cowboys and others.  Russell Wilson has greatly improved.  I like Seattle 20-13.

Cincinnati at Houston.  My pick:  TEXANS.  You have to be impressed with Cincy; lost in the shuffle of how well RGIII and Andrew Luck have played is the fact that the Bengals have finished this season by winning 7 of 8.  Meanwhile Houston has struggled lately.  But--Houston is at home.  They still have Arian Foster, Matt Schaub, etc; and Andy Dalton last year struggled on the road in the playoffs.  You just have to think that Houston has come too far not to get things together a bit this weekend, in this game.  Houston 31, Cincinnati 21.

Indianapolis at Baltimore.  My pick:  RAVENS.  The key here?  It may well be Ray Lewis coming back from injury to play; and his announcement of his retirement after this season--look for the Ravens to rally around him, and for him to make an impact on that Ravens' defense.  The playoffs are a different animal; this is going to be a tough environment for Luck and the Colts in which to play.  The Ravens can score on that Indy defense; and they will.  I just don't think Luck and the Colts will be able to keep up--this time.  (In future years, once the Colts get more players, Luck and the Colts will be big threat).

COLLEGE FOOTBALL BOWL PICKS

Cotton Bowl:  Texas A&M vs Oklahoma.  My pick:  AGGIES.  You have to love Johnny Football Manziel and what he's done at A&M; I don't Oklahoma's defense can stop him.

Championship game:  Notre Dame vs Alabama.  My pick:  IRISH.  Wow.  I never thought I'd say that.  All year I've been slow to buy in to ND.  Their schedule turned out to be a bit easier than forecast.  They barely eked out wins against not-so-great teams like Purdue and Pitt.  But:  Alabama is not a super-powerhouse either.  They got beat at home by Texas A&M.  They struggled to beat LSU (who got bumped off in their bowl by Clemson).  Georgia easily could have, and maybe should have, beaten the Tide in the SEC championship game.  Alabama's pass rush is suspect.  Their secondary can be beaten.  Notre Dame has a defense that has proven it can stop people; that's going to include 'Bama.  I may be crazy, but in looking at this and listening to other analysts, I think ND can pull this off.  Amazing.  We'll find out...

HELP FOR HEARING LOSS
One of the tricky things about Moebius Syndrome is that it affects those who have it in a myriad of ways.  It seems sometimes to affect no two people exactly alike.  For example, some with Moebius can be affected by hearing loss.  (Although many people I know with it have no hearing loss at all.)  Still, if you do have some deafness issues--what can you do about them?  Could for example a cochlear implant help you?  I don't know, but it can be worth looking into--for such implants have helped many folks.  Read on:
"Six years ago Hope Koch's life began to change dramatically. A pianist since the age of 5, she knew something was wrong when listening to music became difficult. That's when the 70-year-old wife and mother of three clearly remembers her hearing loss began.

"That's the first thing that got all jumbled. I couldn't understand it anymore and then I couldn't understand my children, my adult children and then the grandchildren came along and I missed out what they were saying."

At first she didn't tell anyone, not even her husband Frank. She pretended nothing was wrong. But soon she could no longer understand movies, and needed closed captioning. She lost her confidence and began to shy away from people because she couldn't understand them. Eventually she stopped answering the phone.

"I felt like I was putting them to a lot of trouble to have to repeat and repeat," Koch said. "All of the things that you enjoyed doing, you shied away from."

Koch saw an audiologist and was fitted for hearing aids. They helped, for a while. But the hearing loss continued. At the end of last year, her audiologist presented her with one final option.

Since the hearing aids couldn't help her any more, he suggested she consider a cochlear implant.

Cochlear implants are electronic hearing devices for people with profound deafness or severe hearing loss who get no benefit from a hearing aid. There is an external part that is worn behind the ear with a microphone that picks up sounds from the environment, a speech processor and a transmitter that gets signals from the processor and turns them into electric impulses. It is attached to a receiver and electrode system which is surgically implanted into the inner ear. It's typically done as an outpatient procedure.

An implant does not restore normal hearing and is very different from a hearing aid. Hearing aids amplify sound so that damaged ears can hear them. Implants bypass the damage and directly stimulate the auditory nerve which then sends the signals to the brain.

Koch had the surgery at the University of Maryland Medical Center in Baltimore in September. "It was easy, comfortable, the recovery was good. I mean I'm very pleased with it. I had no negative effects from the surgery, no pain."

CNN was there when her implant was activated for the very first time. A range of emotions crossed her face -- then came tears.

"I thought maybe I'll be disappointed today, maybe it won't work for me," Koch said. "I was straining to hear something, anything and when I could hear something in this ear that has been without any sound for years, it was overwhelming that way, and then to hear my voice, I'm listening to it talking and it's just so, it's just wonderful."

Koch's husband Frank has high expectations for this implant. "That we can go back to the normal way we use to be and spend the rest of our years that way. Our expectations, 12 weeks from now or 12 months from now is she's going to be totally normal and that's what we're hoping and that's where she's going to go."

Koch is sure of it. "The quality of life is gonna be so good now, it'll be good again."

Dr. Ronna Hertzano, assistant professor at UMMC, did Koch's surgery. She says over the last few years, more and more seniors are choosing cochlear implants to combat their hearing loss. In fact the oldest person she performed the surgery on was in his late 80s. She even knows of cases involving folks in their 90s.

It's unknown how many elderly patients get a cochlear implant, but according to NIH, about 210,000 children and adults around the world have received these implants. According to the FDA, in the United States roughly 42,600 adults and 28,400 children have received them.

"It seems that more senior individuals are aware that there are alternatives to hearing aids, and once the hearing aids are not sufficient, they can improve their hearing and almost regain most of their hearing ability at least when it comes to speech, with a cochlear implant," Hertzano told CNN. "We used to do older individuals just maybe once or twice a year, and now I would say that we do older individuals maybe every month."

At UMCC, surgeons perform about 50 procedures a year. Hertzano, an expert on the devices, has done about 100 implant surgeries. She says anyone who has hearing aids, but cannot understand at least 50% of sentences spoken in normal conversation is a good candidate. Once implanted, she says, many implantees can understand up to 90% of sentences.

When Hertzano met Koch she could only understand 20% of sentences in a conversation and was using visual cues.

Hertzano says age is not a factor in the surgery, but the candidate must be healthy enough to undergo surgery with general anesthesia. And they can't have dementia, which could make it difficult to adapt to learning to understand speech with a cochlear implant.

According to The American Academy of Otolaryngology-Head and Neck Surgery, it's rare that a patient does not benefit from a cochlear implant. But the procedure can be pricey. The total cost, they say, can be as much as $100,000 for the evaluation, surgery, the device itself and the rehabilitation. However, most insurance companies and Medicare will cover that cost according to AAO-HNS.

For Koch, it was all worth it. She says she's hearing much better again, but at the same time acknowledges she still has a way to go. "It's been a learning experience. This is going to take at least a year or longer. It gets down to your brain retraining itself."

This year, the holiday season was extra special -- she heard her family's voices for the first time in years. "It's wonderful to hear them speak. It was fantastic, the best Thanksgiving/Christmas that I've had in a number of years. My sons, they have low voices, but I can hear them now. I'm understanding everything better. It's just a world of difference."

 

"Well done is better than well said."--Benjamin Franklin