FACIAL DIFFERENCES:  DO THEY MATTER?
Not necessarily to the man discussed in this piece; now, he doesn't have Moebius Syndrome...but he does have a facial difference.  But it hasn't stopped him--see why:
"Living with a facial difference doesn’t mean you have to live any differently.
Just ask 37-year-old Oakville resident Darryl Finley — a mobile mortgage specialist with TD Canada Trust — who was born with bilateral cleft lip and palate.
When Finley was younger he spent a lot of time at Toronto’s Hospital for Sick Children, undergoing 10 operations in 18 years to close the top of his mouth.
“After your face stops growing, they can put it in perspective and that’s you for the rest of your life,” said Finley. “They broke my jaw and moved it back, shaved some off and put it all back together just so it’s all proportionate.”
According to SickKids, a cleft is a separation of the parts of the lip or palate (roof of the mouth), which usually fuses together during the first three months of development. If the parts, which make up the lip and palate, fail to meet and fuse, there will be a space between the parts, called a cleft.
Clefts of the lip and palate are one of the most common congenital anomalies in children. They occur in approximately one in 700 births. The cause is unknown. For Finley, having a strong support system at home while growing up has helped him cope, he says.
“If you’re interacting with family and friends, then you don’t see the difference and they don’t see the difference. They get used to the difference. That can help build you and mold you into who you are today,” said Finley.
He’s worked in a variety of face-forward roles for 15 years, the last three in mortgage sales, which was a big adjustment at first, he said. When he first started at TD, he was concerned his facial difference was going to be a distraction for coworkers and clients. But Finley says the company offers him a lot of acceptance and help in his position — without holding him back.
“(When) you’re going to people’s houses, you’re representing TD. Being on the mortgage side has been great because you’re going to meet a whole variety of people,” he said.
He’s open with people about his condition and will tell them if they want to know. If it’s an issue for them, he wants to get it out of the way upfront, Finley says.
“I think that helped me to be confident, knowing my boss and my manager are both behind me and believed me. The team (also) believed in me. We’ve helped each other.”
His biggest challenge is making a connection with people so they feel comfortable. It doesn’t take long for him to “warm up” to someone, but if they’re on edge, he’s on edge, he says.
“Some people will let it go, some people are checking you out a little more — that’s just the way it is. A lot of people, with facial differences or without, draw conclusions about a person within 10 seconds,” said Finley.
What people may not understand is the affect they’re having by staring or whispering in somebody’s ear after looking at them, he said.
“I think the ignorance (behind) staring at somebody that has any (physical) difference is what makes the whole situation uncomfortable,” said Finley.
To help others like him cope, he got involved with AboutFace — a Canadian charitable organization that provides emotional, peer and social support, as well as resources and educational programs to individuals with facial disfigurements and their families.
“When I was transitioning out of the (hospital) at 18 or 20, there were a lot of kids (I was) asked to talk to who were scared — about to get into their operations. I would go out and sit with the parents and kids and let them know everything was okay,” Finley said.
He joined the group three years ago because he wants to make a difference wherever he can — whether it’s talking to parents or children or going to different programs.
“I wish it were more prominent when I was young because I think it would have been something that I would have liked. I think it can be really beneficial to people. People just need to know it’s out there,” said Finley.
Finley said he is considering attending the organization’s annual Camp Trailblazers retreat for youth aged 10-18 in September.
“As you hit 18, that’s your maturity years. It’s important for a lot of girls and guys because now they’re starting to get into dating.”
Finley’s advice to those with facial differences when meeting new people is to get the other person to talk about themselves to establish rapport and commonality.
“They’re not focusing on something that may be a facial difference. If you’re relating something in your life to something in theirs, that’s kind of like an icebreaker,” said Finley. “People sense conversations and know where they’re going with it.”
“Be proud of who you are. Don’t let other people distract you from being happy. We’re all in this world to work, live and have a great life. You can’t let the downers bring you down.”

“It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.”--Harry S. Truman (1884-1972)